Beyond Repair
by Lesera128
Summary: Tragic secrets and desparate lies abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact it's where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact it's where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>"Once there was darkness, but in your arms, I am surrounded by light. Safety, happiness, love overwhelmed me. And then I woke up from such a beautiful dream and realized that the only truth could be found hidden in the shadows of what once was and may never be again-"<p>

Skye Chandler put the pen down on her journal. Every so often she would play with lines like these. From the depths of her heart, from the one place where raw emotion flowed from her soul, pure and untouched, the words came. Syrupy, yes. Drippy, yes. Meant for anyone's eyes but hers, definitely not. But, still, they brought her comfort in a time when comfort was rare.

Shaking slightly, Skye looked at the watch on her arm.

"Almost there," Skye whispered to herself. "Almost-"

She interrupted herself. She had almost said 'home.' But she didn't have a home. She had never had a home. She had come close… once. Once not so long ago with HIM, but that was over and done with.

His last words were echoing through her mind. "You broke what I didn't think could be broken, Skye. God, how could you? How could you do this to me? To us? To yourself? My god..."

He had never finished his sentence. She had turned from him, despite the constant times he had begged her not to run, and had fled the room as tears streamed down her eyes so much that she could barely see through the mist of salty rivulets of moisture.

"So, I ran. Big deal. What else could I honestly do?" Skye muttered to herself as she continued to shake. One final thud told her the plane had landed.

And although Skye Chandler-Quartermaine was the one who had entered the plane, it was simply Skye Chandler who exited.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Skye Chandler. Skye Chandler- Quartermaine. 2 names, 1 woman, 1 mystery.<p>

Which one was she?

The hell raiser who had been raised by an abusive mother or the savvy business woman that had fallen in love and had found happiness for a short time in the arms of a good man? Skye wasn't sure… so much had changed for her in the past year. And she had had little choice in making those changes, only in accepting them. Like a swimmer trying to force his will against the tides of the ocean, Skye had realized that once she was caught, it would mean her destruction if she were to fight that which fate had in store for her.

As the plane touched down, Skye realized that perhaps she would have a chance at last to find out which was person she truly was. After all that had happened, perhaps in this place, she had one last final shot, despite the fact of all the ruin and destruction she had left behind her the last time she had been here.

Exiting the plane, Skye scanned the busy airport for those who would be meeting her.

Nearby, A.J. Quartermaine waited for his sister with his wife. His wife was a beautiful woman, and despite all they had been through, he was still amazed that they had found a way to come back to each other. She rested her head against his shoulder, and sighed softly before she spoke.

"The plane's on time, right?"

A.J. glanced at his watch. "I believe so. When Skye called in midair, she said everything was going as planned. Even the weather is cooperating for her for… once. They're probably just taking extra time to get the plane taxied to the terminal before all the passengers can disembark."

Shifting the precious burden he carried in his arms slightly, A.J. took his free arm and put it around his wife. Over the past few months, they had become so close, and it was due in part to that which he cradled in his other arm. Just as one child of their own making had almost been the cause of their ultimate destruction, in the creation of another child by someone else, they had found their way back to each other.

The child yawned slightly as she slowly dozed. Whether she slept or not, A.J. didn't know, but nonetheless, she stayed peacefully still, leaning against A.J.'s shoulder. She was only a few months old, and was an unusually calm child. She was content most of the time to sleep, despite the turbulent things that were going on around her.

A.J. couldn't help it as he brought his lips down to gently kiss her. The baby's head was mostly bald except for a few wisps of auburn hair that reminded A.J. of what his own biological son must have looked like at that age. He smiled again, as he saw the baby groggily lift her eyes to his as she gave him the first indication that she was indeed awake. Shining blue eyes stared back at him, and despite all his love for this child, he couldn't help but feel a wince of pain as he glanced at the most glaring reminder of who the child's biological father was.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>"Attention all passengers. Please disembark to your right as you exit the plane. Baggage may be claimed at the number 3 turnstile on the 2nd level of the main terminal. Current time is 9:42 am. Current weather is sunny, breezy, and a mild 72 degrees. Another beautiful Auckland day. We at Quantis Air hope you have had a pleasant journey. And whether you are here for a visit or coming home, we wish you the very best luck. Again, thank-you for flying Quantis Air." The monotone voice of the flight attended boomed at Skye as she stood under the exit of the plane, caught halfway between the throngs of people exiting into the terminal.<p>

An 18-hour flight had left her a little shaky as she adjusted her sore muscles back into use again. Sighing softly to herself, Skye adjusted the purse strap on her shoulder, and adjusted her sunglasses from where they sat on top of her head to rest over her eyes. The sun was shining brightly through the windows, and even in the airport, Skye imagined she could smell the tangy scent of salt water and fresh air.

She shook her head as she moved forward, and continued her search for her brother.

A.J. was the first one to spot Skye. She looked very different than the last time he had seen her. More skinny, but not as pale. And unlike the tears that had made her beautiful brown eyes puffy when he had last left her, this time Skye's eyes shone with apprehension and nervousness, but no sadness.

"Skye, over here!" A.J. called as he freed his arm from around his wife's shoulder and waved to her. She saw him in an instant, and for a split second, she could have sworn that her heart skipped a beat.

It had been so long since she had seen A.J., and even longer since she had seem him as happy as he looked now. She hated to admit it, but fatherhood seemed to be agreeing with him on this second go-around like it never had during Michael's life.

Forcing a smile, Skye walked steadily to A.J. He smiled a genuinely warm smile at her as he handed the baby to his wife. She too had a smile on her face, but it was more subdued. Taking the baby, she gently shifted the child onto her right shoulder while she watched A.J. move forward and grasp Skye in a tight hug. It felt so natural, Skye couldn't help but hugging him back as he whispered in her ear, "I am so glad you're here, Skye. I've-"

He paused and glanced at his wife and the baby. Instantly, he amended his statement, "-No, we've missed you so much. And we are so glad you are here at long last."

"Yes, it has been a long time," Skye admitted at last. She smiled once at A.J., but she couldn't help herself as she stared at A.J.'s wife and the baby she now carried.

She nodded at the baby, "How's she doing?"

A.J.'s wife answered with a pleased grin, "She's the best baby in the whole wide world, Skye. I couldn't have asked for one better."

"She's grown so big," Skye said at last.

A.J. laughed softly. "They have a tendency to do that, Skye. Would you like to hold her?"

Skye's reaction was instant as she almost violently shook her head, "No." A.J. opened his mouth to protest, but Skye cut him off with an emphatic look. "That is, no thank you… just… not yet."

"But, you've never even seen her," A.J.'s wife said softly in confusion.

Skye shrugged, "I know. I know. But that's just the way it had to be. And besides, now that I'm here, there will be plenty enough time for that… later."

Shrugging, A.J. at last conceded, "All right. If that's how you feel about it. Let's go and get your bags then, and get out of here."

Nodding, Skye forced another smile. Following A.J. as he led the way, the only thing Skye could do from screaming out every time she looked at the child in the hands of A.J.'s wife, was to bite her tongue. By the time they exited the airport with all of Skye's luggage in hand, her tongue had been bitten so hard, it was bleeding - just like Skye's still wounded heart.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>As A.J. pulled the car into the drive way, he smiled at Skye. She sat next to him in the front passenger's seat while A.J.'s wife sat in the back with the baby and car seat.<p>

"Here we are, Skye. Home sweet home," A.J. said as the car stopped and he pulled the parking break up.

There was that word again. Home. What was so important about such a single thing anyway? Skye had never had one, and it hadn't done her any worse for wear, as far as she could see. In actuality, Skye thought she was better off than many of the people who fawned over having "homes." In the long run, Skye had honestly come to believe that the baggage that came with having a home did far more damage than the supposed benefits that it was supposed to grant a person.

Skye had mixed emotions as she gazed at the house. So much had happened here, and yet it was to one of the original scenes of several crimes she had committed in the past to which she returned. Shaking it off, Skye ignored A.J.'s wife as she helped take the baby out of her car seat.

However, as A.J.'s wife stopped Skye as the moved up the front walkway. Touching Skye's shoulder with a gentle hand, A.J.'s wife said softly, "Skye?"

Reluctantly, Skye turned around. Forcing a polite smile at her hostess, Skye answered, "Yes?"

"I just wanted to tell you that what A.J. said at the airport was true. I really am glad you are here. My home is your home for as long as you want it to be."

"That's very generous of you," Skye said.

A.J.'s wife smiled slightly. "It means the world to A.J. that you are here at long last. After all that had happened, he never thought that you would be able to get to a point where you could actually-"

Skye cut her off as she waved a hand nonchalantly in the air, "It's what A.J. wanted. And he hasn't asked me for anything in a long time. If me being here was that important, than it was the least I could do for him… especially after all he's done for me."

A.J.'s wife smiled and nodded. "Yes, of course. I just hope you enjoy your time in Australia as much as we have. It really has become like a second home to us."

At these words, Skye couldn't help herself as she lost a bit of the self-control that she had worked so hard to maintain since she had first seen A.J. and his family in the airport terminal. Somewhat on a pure whim, Skye asked, "Yes, it was unusual that you and A.J. decided to stay here after all that happened. If you don't mind me asking, why did you, Carly?"

Shrugging, A.J.'s wife took several seconds to ponder her response before she responded at last. Lifting the child she carried in her arms slightly by way on indication, Carly said, "Well I guess the two most important reasons are because this is where A.J. and I found our way back to each other despite everything that had happened."

"And the second?" Skye prodded, fearful of the answer.

It came immediately, and tore at Skye's shredded heart as Carly spoke. "Our daughter was born here. We both felt it important that she retain that at least for the first few years of her life. We both handled Michael's first few years so badly, that we didn't want to make the same mistakes with her. We figured that staying away from Port Charles... well, that might help things. And besides, it's one of the most important things to know where you've come from, don't you think?"

Skye hesitantly nodded, and almost stopped herself from adding, not only was it important to know where you had come from, but also where you were going. And at this point in time, Skye Chandler hadn't the foggiest notion in regards to either one.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Reaching out to touch the doorknob, Skye found herself recoiling from it. She pulled back instantly, as soon as her fingers had grazed the brass handle, almost as if she had been badly burned. Chiding herself for such behavior, Skye bit her lip as she hesitantly turned the knob of the bedroom door. Pushing the door open, she swallowed once and forced herself forward.<p>

Immediately, her gaze swept through the room. Nothing had changed. It was just as she remembered. The walls were painted the pink of a dusky rose while the molding was colored in an off-white. Floor-to-floor windows framed the wall opposite of her door letting in the bright Australian sunshine, while to her left a set of French doors opened out on to a stone terrace. The white sheers of the door blew silently as the sea breeze swept through the room. The house was located on the coast, and that was one thing that Skye still loved about this location - the ocean. The sounds of waves crashing against the beach and sea gulls screeching to each other, back and forth, could be heard faintly in the distance. It was so simple, so clean, so untainted….

Setting the bag down on a nearby chair, Skye glanced at the bed. She shuddered slightly as she stared at the four-poster cherry wood bed. The same snowy white down comforter adorned it as she remembered, while many lacy pillows lay scattered against the headboard in decoration. She shook her head as she bit her lip again, fighting back the memories as voices floated back to her, a painful memory of things she should have never heard, things she never would have learned of had she not been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

* * *

><p>"Why are you here?"<p>

"Why wouldn't I be here? This is where I want to be."

"But, why are you here with me if you're in love with her?"

"What are you talking about? I don't-"

"Stop it, Jax. I know, okay? I know you love her."

"What would ever make you think something like that?"

"Admit it, you're only here with me because you and she had a fight. I'm only second choice. A pale substitute at best."

"Yes, we argued. But what does that have to do with us?"

"Everything!"

"Nothing!"

"Tell me that you don't love her. Tell me that you don't love-"

* * *

><p>"-Carly!" Skye jumped as she turned around, brought back to the present from her recollections of the past. She stared at her brother's wife as Carly nodded at her slightly. "Oh, you startled me."<p>

Carly smiled faintly. "Sorry. I just thought I would check on you. You seemed so distant at the airport, and, well, I was worried when A.J. had said you wanted to stay in this room, and-"

Skye shook her head as she cut Carly off. "I'm fine, really."

The pair were silent for a moment before Carly looked up at her sister-in-law.

"Can I ask you a personal question, Skye?" Carly asked as she gestured about her.

Skye shrugged. "I don't guarantee I'll answer it, but you can ask anything."

"Fair enough." Carly said. She took a few seconds to breathe before she finally said, "Why choose this room? Out of all the empty guest rooms we have in the house, why choose this particular room when it holds nothing but bad memories for you?"

Skye bit her lip, realizing it had become a nasty habit since she had decided to come on this foolhardy trip to Australia, and she pondered the question. At last she shrugged and said simply, "It has a nice view."

Carly was silent for a moment in response, trying to reconcile the fact that she had gotten as much as an answer to her question from Skye as she was ever going to get. Finally, she nodded. "Well, like I said, if you need anything, just let me or A.J. know."

Turning to leave, Carly was almost out the door before Skye called out to her in a tone that was different from her normal voice… more uncertain – timid almost. "Carly?" Somewhat surprised, Carly slowly turned as Skye asked, "How's the baby?"

Carly smiled a true smile as she replied, "Sydney's sleeping right now. She is just getting to the point where she is sleeping through the night, so normally we don't let her nap too much during the day. But she was up so much because of our trip to the airport that we figured it couldn't hurt her just this once."

"She's grown a lot," Skye said at last, the painful look never leaving her face. "A.J. e-mailed me some of the photos from her christening a few months back. It's hard to believe she was that small, and now she's so big."

"Well, she'll be six months on-"

Carly was once again cut off as Skye instantly replied, "December 16th."

Carly nodded. "Yes, of course. Sometimes I forget when I am talking to people that A.J. and I weren't the only ones know when she was born."

"June 16th. It's a day I will never forget as long as I live," Skye admitted softly, sadness clouding her eyes.

At last Carly came forward and gently reached out for one of Skye's hands. Taking it, she held it firmly as she said, "I know you think that is the day you lost everything, but it's not. Not really. Despite how she came about, Sydney's birth really was a miracle. She was the answer to my prayers, and A.J.'s, if no one else's."

Skye's hands pulled away, not harshly, but slowly as she carefully brushed away a few tears that had unknowingly slipped down her cheeks. She nodded at Carly as she said, "I am sorry. It's just the day that she was born, was the day I finally realized all of what I had lost. It was kind of like I had known what I was going to lose when I first learned of her existence, but it wasn't until she was actually born that it all truly hit home."

"I wish you could have found out any other way than how you did," Carly said at last. "No one should have had to find out like that, especially you."

"Well, what's done is done. The baby is alive and healthy. And you and A.J. are happy and in love again. That is a miracle if nothing else," Skye said.

Carly nodded at last. This time it was her turn to be silent as she reflected on what she was about to say. "You know, after Micheal's death, I just couldn't stay in Port Charles. Sonny and Zander - even Jason couldn't understand what I was feeling. I found out the only person who could was... was A.J. And when he told me he was going to come here to be with you, and asked me to come with him, I jumped at the chance to escape. Somehow, in sharing our grief we found our way back to each other. And, then Sydney came into our lives. And when she was born, I realized that sometimes when I would think of Michael, it didn't hurt nearly as bad as it once did. She can never replace him, but she really is a miracle, Skye."

"I know," Skye admitted at last, turning from Carly once more, ashamed to let the woman see her cry any more.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Skye's hands came up to quickly wipe away the tears that had escaped from her watering eyes. Highly embarrassed, she was determined that Carly would not see her have an emotional breakdown. Skye had long ago come to realize that letting anyone see you cry was giving them too much of an insight as to what was going on inside of you. Insight leads to knowledge, and knowledge is power. The one thing Skye detested more than anything else on earth was when people had power over her, for power allows people to control. One time, not so long ago, Skye had let someone get close to her. He came to know her from the inside out, like no one had ever known Skye. And, in the end, it had almost destroyed her. Through her experiences with him, Skye had learned that she was better off alone. For when she was alone, the only person who could hurt Skye was Skye herself. And if there was one thing at which Skye excelled, it was wrecking havoc on herself. As a result, she felt no convincing reason why anyone else should be granted that privilege.<p>

"Skye, are you all right?" Carly's voice came at last.

She was unsure how to proceed given the uneasy situation between the two. True, the pair had come to close to something that resembled being friends during Michael's illness, but Carly was unsure what effect her role in the demise of Skye's relationship with Jax had had on Carly's relationship with Skye. The two had never talked about it after that one night, so long ago before, that night when Sydney had been conceived out of a hurried passion of anger and lust.

If she tried hard enough, Carly could almost recall what had taken place in the very room in which she now stood.

* * *

><p>"Tell me you don't love her."<p>

"I don't love her. I never did. Don't you know that by now?"

"Then why?"

"Look, just stop it, all right? I didn't come here to argue with you too. I've had about all I can take of arguing with the various females in my life right now."

"What do you want from me?"

"I don't know. I don't know. All I do know is that I am sick to death of fighting."

"Then don't fight. Just go, like I asked you to."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Need I remind you that this is my room?"

"Need I remind you that this is my house?"

"Oh, so you want me to leave now? Is that what this has come to?"

"No. You can do whatever you want. Just like you always do."

"I never get want I want, Jax. Surely by now you know that."

"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true."

"My God, you're too deluded for your own good. What have you ever wanted that you have not found some way to get?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"I'm right here."

"Only because you can't be with her."

"I already told you that wasn't true. I am where I want to be."

"Then prove it."

"How?"

"Take me to bed."

* * *

><p>"I'm fine, Carly, just fine." Skye answered at last, breaking into Carly's reverie.<p>

Carly nodded, being snapped back to the present. "All right then. So, unless there is anything else you need?"

Shaking her head, Skye replied, "No, I think I'm fine. I am going to unpack and then get some work done. I still have some ELQ business that needs to be monitored."

Nodding, Carly snapped her fingers as she said, "Right. Of course. That reminds me. I better show you where the office is. We have a main one down stairs, but it's pretty cluttered between A.J. and myself. He still monitors the US stock market, and ELQ, of course. And I have to keep tabs on club business so that my managers realize that a leave of absence doesn't mean they have carte blanche to run 101 into the ground. You're welcome to use it, but we keep a smaller office on the 2nd floor just down the hall that might be more suitable for your needs. It has an internet connection, phone, fax-"

"Why do you keep two offices if you and A.J. share the downstairs office?" Skye asked curiously.

Carly shrugged. "To be honest, we wanted to be closer to the baby. Running down the hall to get Sydney when she is screaming her head off is a lot quicker than running from downstairs."

"She doesn't have a nanny?" Skye asked.

Carly shook her head. "No, not really. After our experience with Michael and Leticia, we decided we wanted to be more "hands-on" parents. We try and give Sydney every advantage which starts with more one-on-one contact with us. We don't want to make the same mistakes with her as we did with Michael. And, don't get me wrong, Leticia was great. But she was such a big part of Micheal's life from the moment he was born, it made it difficult for A.J. and I to find a part of his life that would solely be ours when he relied so heavily on her for everything. So, occasionally when the two of us go out and don't take the baby with us, we use a baby-sitter. But, we pretty much do every thing else ourselves."

Skye bit her lip as she thought of how to respond. Fortunately, Carly saved her as she indicated the door way. "Come on. I'll show you where it is."

Nodding, Skye followed Carly out. They passed one closed door that was the room next to Skye's own before Carly opened the second door down. Inside was a small office as Carly predicted. Small, but adequate. Skye nodded in thanks at Carly. "Yeah, this will do great. Thanks."

"No problem. Now, if you need anything, just call A.J. or I on our cells. We wonder around the house so much, it's the only sure way to keep track of us," Carly said.

"Alright-" Skye said, but she was cut off as a gurgling and soft cooing shattered the air. Skye looked around in bewilderment, before she realized the source of the noises was a small walkie-talkie on the desk.

Carly smiled as she moved forward and grabbed the device. "Oh, sorry. I was working in here before we picked you up from the airport. Baby monitor is all," Carly said as she turned the volume down, but not completely off. She set the monitor back on the desk as

Skye watched her with raised eyebrows. "That was Sydney?" Skye asked softly.

Carly nodded, "She's right next door, so it's really easy to get the best reception in this room unless you are standing over her crib when she is sleeping."

Skye bit her lip. "Her room is right next to mine?"

Carly shrugged slightly in response.

Skye arched an eyebrow as she said, "Odd choice for the location of a nursery. Especially considering it is only one room away from where she was conceived, don't you think?"

The bitterness that was evident in Skye's voice was clear to Carly. However, Carly ignored it. She knew Skye was hurting, and not so long ago Skye had been there for Carly when she had been the one in extreme pain. The least Carly was going to try to do was return the favor.

"It's coincidence really. This side of the house has the ocean view, and A.J. and I thought the room was too beautiful for Sydney not to have her nursery there." Carly responded.

"I see."

Shrugging, Carly said, "Skye, I know this probably isn't the easiest of places to be for you right now, but-"

"You're right, Carly, it's not. It's killing me. Every time I look at Sydney, I see what I could have had had I been in a different place at the right time instead of someone else. She represents all I loved and all I ever wanted and as close as I ever came to achieving it all in one foul swoop. Of course it's difficult for me. How could you expect it to be anything else?"

"I don't. I just want you to know, that- well, there are people here for you if you need it. A.J., of course. And, if you are willing, me, too." Carly said softly.

"You?" Skye said, betraying just a little of the frustrated disgust she felt for Carly.

Carly nodded. "Yes, me. You were so kind to be during Micheal's illness. And the fact that you donated your bone marrow to him when there were no other genetic matches means a lot to me. You gave him a fighting chance at life, even if he eventually lost the battle to the cancer. I will always owe you for that."

"He was my nephew. I would do anything for my blood," Skye said at last.

Carly replied, "Yes, Skye, I know. Believe me, if there is one thing I know about you, it's that."

Silent for a moment, Carly at last turned to the door. "Well, like I said, A.J. and I have our cells on if you need us. We're going to run to the market while Sydney is asleep to get some stuff for dinner. A.J. wants to cook something special in honor of your arrival. What, I'm not sure, considering his talent for cooking, but I figured I would humor him since we have a little time while Sydney is napping. We'll be back in an hour or so. Sydney's baby-sitter is just downstairs. She's a sweet little thing, a native named Melanie, if you happen to see her."

Skye nodded, but said nothing. Carly nodded once by way of good-bye, and softly shut the door behind her.

Sitting down at the desk, Skye collapsed into the chair and allowed herself a few moments to wallow in a pool of self-pity, weeping softly as she had not done since she had left the very house she was in more than a year and a half before.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>It took several moments of staring out the tiny window of the office before Skye was distracted enough to actually force herself out of the pool of self-pity that she normally inhabited any time she was alone and allowed to reflect on her life. The crashing of the waves on the Australian coast were enough to get her attention in their pristine beauty. Staring at the aquiline blue of the seashore, for merely a split second Skye was able to appreciate them for their natural beauty. And, then, the simple act of staring at one of nature's majestic wonders was ruined for Skye. For in her brain, the color of the waves were too similar in nature to another color that had blazed at Skye from a set of eyes she had come to love and adore. Just as so many things in her life were clouded by her tragic and devastatingly disastrous past, so too was that color.<p>

How often had she gazed into those eyes? How often had she thought that if she stared just a little longer into them that she would become lost forever and willing drown in the brilliant depths? How many times had those oh so familiar eyes flashed at her, betraying the emotional status of their owner? How many times had she seen anger, disappointment, love, lust, compassion, desire, annoyance, frustration, happiness, and lastly, utter and disconsolate sadness?

She couldn't rightly say. All Skye could admit that those eyes were what she remembered most vividly about him. Some of her other memories were fading- the way he would smile when she woke up in his arms; the way his hair smelled of his brand of shampoo just after getting out of the shower; the way his skin would glisten with sweat as the sun beat down on him as he ran on the beach; the way his voice would sound when it was thick with desire for her…. Yes, Skye couldn't quite remember these things as easily as she once could, but his eyes. His eyes she would never forget, if for no other reason than the way they had stared at her in utter bewildered confusion as she had run away, despite the fact of his pleadings to the contrary.

"I am sorry, Jax. I'm so sorry," Skye whispered out loud, admitting to herself what she had never said to him before she lost the chance to do so.

For some reason, Skye could feel her eyes beginning to water again. Shaking her head in disgust, she quickly brushed them away before they were allowed to fall. She would not do that again.

"Come on, Skye. Get a grip on yourself. You've shed enough tears for him. Crying won't bring him back, and that's all there is to it," Skye muttered, as she straightened herself up and reached for a nearby portfolio. Concentrating on the only thing she had left in her life- her work, Skye began to focus on that which was the last link to retaining her sanity in this place where she had almost lost that along with her soul and all that made Skye Skye.

Several minutes passed as Skye concentrated on the ELQ contract she held in her hands. A red ink pen clutched in one hand, she absentmindedly crossed through one questionable paragraph in the document to bring to the attention of the legal department for rewording before the contract was sent out to be finalized.

Thus, Skye was somewhat caught off guard when she heard an ear-piercing screech emanate from in front of her. Startled, Skye looked up. It took her a moment to discern the source of the noise when she saw nothing but empty space in front of the desk. Her eyes eventually focused on the baby monitor that Carly had left. Although muted, it still easily conveyed the wailing of the baby. Combined with the slight reverberation through the walls, Skye bit her lip as she tried to ignore the crying. It continued for several moments, becoming only louder as the seconds ticked on.

At last, Skye dropped her pen, and clasped her hands tightly together. She glared at the baby monitor as she muttered, "My God, what a set of lungs that kid's got. Where is that baby-sitter?"

Shaking her head, Skye picked the pen up again, and attempted to concentrate on her work. However, as the seconds ticked past, the crying only got louder and more intense. Skye sighed as she shook her head.

"I am not going to get up. I am not going to go near her. Carly said that there was a baby-sitter here. She'll take care of the baby," Skye said, as she waged a battle in her.

One voice was screeching at her in her consciousness, urging her to do something, almost in tune with the cries of the baby.

"But, what if she can't hear her? What if she's gotten tangled in her blankets and is trapped? Or what if she was trapped in the crib somehow? What if something is wrong with Sydney, and she needs help?" Skye whispered to herself in an unusually frightful tone.

Shaking her head, Skye fought the battle between her two halves. The voice in her head that was yelling, almost begging her to go to the baby continued to get louder as the one calming voice in her head tried to reassure Skye with sane logic that she just needed to stay where she was grew fainter.

Already clearly torn, one particularly loud screech was enough to drive Skye over the edge. Pushing herself up from the desk, she quickly strode out of the office. Turning a corner, she felt a knot twist in her stomach. The door was closed, and the baby's cries were steadily growing worse. Grabbing the door knob firmly, Skye turned it once and flung the door open. She barely noticed the soft purples, blues, and greens of the nursery as her eyes focused on the crib. Located in front of a set of bay windows that overlooked the beach as Carly had predicted, the large white crib was Skye's only concern. Reaching it in a couple of steps, her heart nearly stopped as she looked down into the crib. The baby was twisting and turning, her face wet with tears. She was howling and turning red from the frustration of being ignored. Skye couldn't see any visible reason as to what was causing the baby's discomfort, and that was enough to stop her instinct from reaching down and picking the baby up.

However, as soon as the baby glanced up at her crib and saw that a face was there watching her, familiar or not, her screams grew louder.

"No, Skye. No. Don't pick her up. You can't. If you do, you might not be able to put her back. She's fine. Let her be," Skye muttered to herself.

As the baby continued to scream, at last something snapped in Skye. Reaching down into the crib, she gathered the baby into her arms in one fluid movement. The child's cries lessened a little bit as soon as she was in Skye's arms. Resting her against her right shoulder, Skye began to caress the baby's back in a gentle rhythm.

"Please, Sydney, don't cry. Please don't cry," Skye whispered soothingly at the baby.

Walking around the room, Skye gently rocked her, but she only continued to cry.

Checking her diaper and seeing that it was dry, Skye attempted to give the baby a bottle that was sitting on the nearby changing table. The milk was cold, and Sydney would have none of it. Refusing it, she began to cry loudly again. Skye began to panic as she held the baby up to her own eyes.

"Please don't cry, Sydney. Mommy's here. Please don't cry. Shhhhh," Skye whispered.

Walking around the room, Skye continued to try and ease the baby with her voice. Nothing seemed to work. Exasperated, Skye spotted a white rocking chair in the far corner of the room. Going over to it and sitting down, she held Sydney against her shoulder again and began to rock.

"Syd, come on, sweetie. Please don't cry. Mommy's here. Please stop crying, Syd. Please, sweetie. I know you've got enough of me in you to be a big pain in the butt, but you've got too much of your Daddy in you not to stop crying. Please, sweetie, please."

For some reason, the baby's cries seem to ease as Skye continued to rock. A few moments passed, and the baby's cries levied to a light sobbing.

"That's my good girl, Syd. That Mommy's girl." Skye sighed to herself as she looked down at the baby. "But, who am I kidding? I say 'Mommy' and you aren't expecting me, are you? You waiting for Carly to show up, not that anyone can blame you. It's not like this whole mess isn't one big complicated jumble of Lord knows what…."

Continuing to rock, a few more moments passed. At last Sydney's breathing returned to normal as she stopped crying. Standing up, Skye looked around and her eyes focused on a nearby pacifier. Grabbing it, Skye took it and offered it to the baby. Sydney eagerly took it on the first try. Skye smiled to herself as she nodded. "Ahh. So that's it. Teething, are we?"

Skye took a finger and stroked the baby's cheek. The gentle sucking of the baby on the pacifier was rhythmic. The baby's head was still resting against Skye's shoulder. However, suddenly she moved it, and stared up at the woman holding her. It nearly broke Skye's heart as she did so.

"Oh, now come on, Syd. Please don't do that. Please don't look at me like that," Skye said softly.

The baby only continued to gaze at Skye.

Sighing, Skye shook her head. "Now, that's not fair. That's not fair. Staring into a set of eyes like this only gets me into trouble. It was bad enough when I had one set to deal with, and now I have two-"

Her voiced trailed off as Skye bit her lower lip. She then added softly, "Or at least I did."

Skye turned away from the baby, blinking back tears again. When she at last looked down, Sydney was still staring at her. Skye moved back to the rocking chair, and gently began to move back and forth again. Sydney settled her head back against Skye's shoulder once more, content for the moment. Skye sighed as she looked down at the baby. She couldn't help herself as her lips came down to gently brush the downy wisps of auburn hair on the baby's head. It was so soft, and Sydney smelled so good- of warm milk and baby powder.

"Oh, Sydney, my girl. What a mess your Mommy's made. What a mess. But, at least you're safe. I was able to do that much at least. A.J. and Carly are good people. I know they love you more than life itself. And they can give you the family and the home that I never had and could never have give you."

Skye sighed.

"Carly's right. You are a good baby. You're Daddy would be proud of you."

She was silent for a moment.

"A.J. is a good man, Syd. He loves you as if you were his own. And if Jax couldn't be your father, than the only other man on this earth that I would entrust you to would be A.J. He'll always be there for you- never let you down. He and Carly would die for you. But, oh, how I wish you could have known your Daddy."

Looking up, Skye glanced around the room for the first time. On the far dresser table, she couldn't help but focus on a plaque decorated with the baby's name and date of birth.

"Sydney Quartermaine, ehh? Well, I suppose since you're a part of me, that's not completely inaccurate. But it's not the complete truth. People around here may think that, but I know better, don't I? Yes, I do. Sydney Jayna Jacks. My daughter. My beautiful baby girl."

Skye sighed again as she stared at the small miracle she held in her hands, at last caving to reliving the last flood of memories she had been fighting back since she had arrived in Australia. In an almost surreal journey, Skye began to relive that night all over again.

* * *

><p>It was late. She had spent most of the day on the beach reading. Coming back late, Skye had slipped into her room quietly. She was too tired and didn't want to have to deal with him again. He had stormed off in anger that morning, and when she had first returned to the house, she had heard him arguing with Carly. She found it slightly amusing when it had been precisely about Carly they had argued that morning.<p>

Thus, Skye was surprised when she heard her bedroom door knob softly turn and the door push gently open. Turning from where she sat at her vanity, she was slightly startled as he entered the room.

"Why are you here?" she said as she pulled her robe tightly against her.

Jax stared at her with interest, curious as to her reasons for modesty. He shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be here? This is where I want to be."

Skye stood up and pointed at the door that he had just shut behind him. His indifference seemed to have given her a second wind as she felt her anger flare anew. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not. I have no reason to lie, Skye." Jax said simply.

Skye shook her head confused. "But, why are you here with me if you are in love with her?"

"What are you talking about? I don't-" Jax began to protest.

Skye cut him off as she raised an arm and pointed it at him. "Stop it, Jax. Just stop it. I know, okay? I know you love her."

Jax stared at her in amazement. "What would ever make you think something like that?"

Skye threw her arms wide into the arm as she looked at him. "Admit it, you are only here with me because you and she had a fight. I'm only second choice. A pale substitute at best."

Jax shrugged. "Yes, we argued. But what does that have to do with us?"

"Everything!" Skye shot back at him.

His own anger beginning to seethe again, his own voice shouted back at her. "Nothing!"

Skye's own voice grew louder. "Then, tell me that you don't love her. Tell me that you don't love, Carly."

"I don't love, Carly! I never have and never will."

"Liar!" Skye shot at him. "You're lying."

Jax sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Haven't we gone over this enough? I thought you got this out of your system this morning. Carly and I are business partners. Nothing more."

"Maybe not yet, but admit it. You would take her to bed this instant if she offered herself to you."

Jax's only reply was laughter. This only served to infuriate Skye more.

"Admit it, Jax. Just admit it. Admit you find her attractive."

Jax shrugged. "Fine. I admit it. Carly is a beautiful woman. Very sexy. Very desirable."

Skye's eyes narrowed. She choked back a sob as she moved forward and slapped Jax in the face. The blow was completely unexpected, and Jax was shocked at the action, not to mention amazed at how hard Skye could hit.

Crossing her arms, Skye said loudly, a bitterness evident in her voice. "I knew it. I just knew it. You are nothing but a lying, two-timing, whoring bastard-"

Jax immediately moved forward. He grabbed Skye by the shoulders. As if to shake sense into her, Jax said, "Skye, stop it." Jax said as he looked at her. "Just because I think my business partner is a beautiful woman does not me I want to have sex with her."

"Why not? There's precedent," she said sorrowfully.

Jax's brow furrowed at her. "Precedent? What precedent? What are you talking about?"

Skye simply shook her head. "That's how our relationship started out, wasn't it?"

The loud voices could be heard down the hall. The closer Carly got to the source, the more she was drawn to the conversation. She had come to look for Jax to apologize, but instead found herself being drawn into the argument.

"Oh, don't even go there, Skye. Just don't." Jax said as he stared at Skye. Her chest was heaving as she fought to contain her anger.

"Then, if it's not true, tell me you don't love her." Skye flung at him.

Jax stared down into Skye's eyes, and was not surprised to see the anger blazing there. But when he saw the feelings of hurt and confusion and fear mixed in, his heart broke. He loosened his grip slightly as he said, "All right. Fine. I don't love her. I never did. And I never will."

Skye shook her head. "You're just saying that."

"Skye, I have never loved Carly. I NEVER had feelings for her like that. Frankly, she's just not my type. There's only one person I love, and it's you. Don't you know that by now?"

Shaking her head, Skye said, "You're lying to me again."

Although he had come close to breaching her defenses, Jax sighed in frustration as Skye quickly mounted new ones. His anger flared as he tightened his grip and pulled her so tightly up against him that he could feel the warmth of her skin through the thin silk wrap she was wearing. "Look, just stop it, all right? I didn't come here to argue with you too. I've had about all I can take of arguing with the various females in my life right now."

"What do you want from me?" Skye asked softly in resignation. She too had suddenly become aware of Jax's physical nearness. Although he was wet from walking in the rain, she could still feel the warmth of his skin - feel the race of his heart, and it filled her head with a lightness that was disturbing.

Jax shook his head. "I don't know. I don't know. All I do know is that I am sick to death of fighting."

"Then don't fight. Just go, like I asked you to." Skye said at last.

The firmness in Jax's response startled her. "No."

"No?" she repeated in surprise.

"No." he said with a dangerous edge in his voice.

"Need I remind you that this is my room?"

"Need I remind you that this is my house?"

"Oh, so you want me to leave now? Is that what this has come to?" Skye said as she struggled to get out of Jax's grasp. He held her firm.

"No. You can do whatever you want. Just like you always do."

"I never get want I want, Jax. Surely, by now, you know that." Skye said as she stopped for a moment in her efforts.

Jax's response was confusing to her as he threw his head back and laughed. "How can you say that?"

"Because it's true." Skye said simply, unsure and with great caution.

"My god, you are too deluded for your own good. What have you ever wanted that you have not found some way to get?" Jax said.

Skye was silent for a moment. She bit her lip, and finally breathed a single word. "You."

"Me?" Jax asked in surprise.

"Yes, you." Skye said softly.

Looking down into her eyes, he nodded at her, "I'm right here."

"Only because you can't be with her." Skye shot back at him again.

The anger again flared as Jax squeezed her shoulders hard. "I already told you that wasn't true. I am where I want to be."

"Then prove it." Skye challenged him.

"How?"

She succeeded in pulling away from Jax and taking a step back. Reaching up to the clasp that held her wet hair piled on her head, Skye pulled it out. Her auburn tresses fell about her in a wild disarray. She then pulled at the ties that held the wrap about her body. It fell to the floor in a single second. Jax felt his mouth grow dry as he stared at Skye. She never broke eye contact with him as she said, "Take me to bed."

That was the last thing that Carly heard before she shook her head and turned away from the closed door. Retreating from whence she came, she disappeared into the darkness as Jax reached an arm forward, pulling Skye towards him. His lips came down to hers in a crushing blow, as the pair stumbled backwards and fell in a tangle of limbs onto the four-poster cherrywood bed.

* * *

><p>By the time that Skye came back to the present, she looked down at the now quiet baby. Sydney was dozing again, and this time it was with an unusual naturalness as she rested in the arms of half the pair that had created her.<p>

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>For a split second, Skye allowed herself time to close her eyes and dream. Holding the child that she and Jax had created in her arms for the first time in her life, Skye could almost imagine that the entire 15 months had been nothing but a bad dream. As she continued to move back and forth slowly in the rocking chair, Skye could almost imagine that this house was once again Jax's. She could almost imagine that he was just in the next room waiting for her to come back to bed after taking care of the baby… taking care of THEIR baby. The miraculously innocent life had been conceived in a wave of sweeping insecurities and angry fear on Skye's part, and the response of frustrated resignation and angry reactionism from Jax, coupled with a passionate lust from each.<p>

But, as had become the habit since Sydney's birth that previous summer, Skye allowed herself no more than a few seconds to remain in her dream world. To her, it was a wasted effort, an exercise in futility. For when she opened her eyes, everything was just the same as before. Sydney was still A.J. and Carly's daughter. Jax had been forced out of her life and would never have a chance to come back into it, willingly or not. And Skye was still suffering from a painfully dull ache that had never completely left her after the second night in this house that was a major turning point in her life.

Standing up, Skye carefully moved back to Sydney's crib. She had every intention of putting the baby back to bed, but for some reason, Skye couldn't help herself. Every time she tried to put the baby back into the crib, something pulled at her to stop. Now that Skye had gotten over her fear about acknowledging her child, she found she couldn't give her up just as easily. After the third failed attempt to put her precious bundle back in her crib, Skye shrugged. On the forth time that her hands went into the crib, Skye was successful in her goal as she simply snatched a wool blanket from the baby's bed. Taking the blanket, Skye shifted her daughter slightly, as she covered the baby with the blanket. She then turned and exited the nursery.

Going only one room down the hall, Skye entered her bedroom. The doors to the terrace were still open, and a cool breeze was coming in off the coast. Dusk was beginning to fall, and Skye was grateful that someone had been kind enough to build a fire in the fireplace. The fireplace was close enough to the four-poster cherrywood bed, that Skye could feel its tender warmth, just as she had on that night when she and Jax had come together as one after being a part for so long.

Sitting crossed legged on the bed, Skye settled the dozing child in her lap. Suddenly, Sydney's eyes slowly opened, and Skye found herself staring into Jax's eyes again.

"Come on now, Sydney. You know that's not fair," Skye said as her finger came to trace the soft skin of the baby's cheek. Her daughter merely blinked in response. Skye felt her heart skip a beat.

Just as a stare from the father could send her heart spinning, Skye realized that the gaze of the daughter was just as potentially dangerous.

Skye shook her head. "You're too much like your Daddy for your own good."

She bit her lip as her head suddenly turned in the direction of a strange noise that she heard. The door to the room gently opened, and Skye wasn't really surprised when A.J. came in. A mixture of emotions was on his face as he looked at Skye holding her child. However, he was quick to acknowledge the primary feeling as he smiled at her, relief evident on his face. Speaking quietly, he nodded at her by way of greeting.

"Hey you."

Skye smiled. "You're back."

A.J. crossed his arms as he slowly moved towards Skye. "The lines at the store weren't too bad. You know, small town that it is being this far out of the capital. We were able to get in and out pretty quick."

Skye merely nodded. Neither brother or sister was sure how to get past the small talk with an sense of gentleness. Finally, A.J. threw caution to the wind as he nodded at her.

"What happened?"

Skye sighed. And before she realized what was happening, she was pouring out the whole tale to A.J.

"-and I just couldn't help myself. She continued to scream and howl, and that damn baby-sitter of yours was no where to be found. I didn't know what was wrong, and as her cries got worse, some type of retro-maternal instinct kicked in. I... I just had to pick her up, A.J. I had to touch her, take care of her. My baby girl was in pain, and I just had to-"

A.J. moved forward. He smiled as he leaned over the bed, and hugged Skye. "Shush. Don't worry. There's no need to explain. Of course, you couldn't leave her. It's only natural you'd want to help her, to protect her. There's nothing wrong in that. It's one of the reasons I hoped you would come back here… to get to know her."

Skye shook her head as she looked at A.J. "You know, when Sydney was born, I thought I wasn't going to make it. I don't think I would have if you and Carly hadn't of been there for me. And it was almost as if it were easier to give her away without seeing her and being reminded what she had cost me. That's why I didn't want to hold her. That's why I went straight back to Port Charles as soon as the doctors released me. But, this time, being back in this house maybe- I just couldn't help myself."

"This is a special place," A.J. agreed, as he nodded around the room in general. "For both good and bad reasons, but nonetheless, it is special."

"You know, after Jax brought me here, we were a part for a long time. I just couldn't get past what had happened to Michael. And then you and Carly came, and it was like part of me that had been sleeping so long was awakened. And then Jax and I-" Skye's voice trailed off.

A.J. was silent for a moment as he let his sister collect her thoughts. At last he pushed her, "Skye, I know from Carly some of what happened that night. I found out when I bought the house after Jax's affairs were being settled. But, she could only tell me what she overheard. I guess what I am trying to say is-"

"You want to know what happened? What happened that caused me to throw everything I ever wanted away with both hands willingly? You want to know how in the conception of the child I have wanted for all my life that I was able to destroy the love that had created her? You want to know why her birth certificate says one thing while her mother willingly allows others to believe another? Why did a mother risk her life to give birth to a miracle child that was never supposed to be, bestow her father's name upon her, and then refuse to even look upon the life she had just brought into this world? How such a woman could willingly give her once-upon-a-time worst enemy her child to call her own? Is that it, A.J.? Is that what you want to know?" Skye said.

A.J. was silent for a moment before he nodded. "I know you have your reasons, but ever since she was born I have been a part of Sydney's life. If for no other reason than I want to protect her, I need to know the answers to at least some of them, Skye."

Skye was quiet for a moment as she pondered her response. She continued to looked at Sydney, never raising her eyes from the baby's. Somehow, despite the pain she was in as she gazed into Jax's eyes, she still gained a sense of strength from them that was the only thing that could keep her going as she further remembered that which she had been so desperate to block out.

* * *

><p>"Carly, if you do this for me, I'll give you thing one thing in this world that I know you want more than anything else right now."<p>

"And what is that, Skye? What could you possibly offer me that would EVER convince me to do something as stupid as this?"

"A child, Carly. A new life who would think that you were his mother, and would love you and never leave you like Michael did."

"What in the hell are you talking about, Skye?"

"I'm pregnant, Carly. I'm pregnant."

"You're what?"

"I'm pregnant. I am going to have a baby. Or at least I am going to try to."

"This is Jax's child?"

"Who else's would it be, Carly?"

"Then why? Why would you ever do something like this? And ask me to help you do it? Betray a great a guy as Jax? And hurt A.J. in the process? Why?"

"Because it's the only way. It's the only choice I have. Now will you help me or not?"

* * *

><p>Biting her lip, memories of that fateful conversation with Carly floated away as quickly as it had come. Focusing back on A.J., Skye shook her head. She took one last breath before she said at last, "Carly did something for me, A.J. Something that I will never be able to repay her for. Even giving her my child could not repay the debt. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?"<p>

A.J. merely nodded, knowing now was not the time to push his sister and press her for more details. Now that she was finally here, home at last, there was time enough for that….. He had asked, and that was all he could do. She would come to him and tell him when she was ready, in her own time and in her own way.

Standing to leave, A.J. nodded at Skye. "She is going to need to be fed dinner in about a half-hour. If you bring her down, I'll show you how."

Merely nodding, Skye gratefully nodded her own head at her brother. "We'll be there. And thank-you, A.J."

He smiled, and then shut the door quietly behind him, leaving Skye alone with her very real ghostly memories and the one tangible reminder of all they had come to be centered around in the personage of Sydney Jayna Jacks.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>"How can someone that little make so big a mess?" Skye asked as she took the dish rag and wrung it out under the water tap. A.J. stood behind her, sponging off the high chair while Carly held the baby.<p>

A.J. laughed with a shrug, "She's still getting used to eating solid foods. For some reason, she likes playing with them more than eating them most nights."

Sydney yawned as Carly nodded to A.J, "She's getting tired again. I think I am going to give her a bath and then put her down for bed."

"All right. Give me a few minutes to finish cleaning up here, and I'll be right up." A.J. said.

Carly moved forward and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "Don't be long."

She smiled, and then turned to leave the room. However, she stopped as she turned around to look at her sister-in-law. "I'm sorry, Skye. That was rude of me. It's just that I'm not used to sharing baby duty with anyone but A.J. Do you want to-?"

She was cut of as Skye beamed a radiant smile at her. "No, Carly. It's okay. Really. Go ahead. I think-" She stared at her child in Carly's arms. Part of her was fighting the instinct to move forward and grab the child out of Carly's arm while the other half was yelling at her to get a grip. She shook her head at last and continued her sentence. "-I think I've done enough today. There's no rush. We've got all the time in the world."

Carly nodded with a somewhat forced smile, relieved that at least this one ritual with the baby would not be interrupted. She turned and left the kitchen.

A few moments of silence passed before A.J. at last spoke. "Don't take it personally, Skye. She's just scared."

"I know," Skye admitted. "So am I."

"She's just afraid that she is going to loose another child," A.J. said.

Skye bit her lip. "A.J., I don't know what's going to happen in the future. After... after Jax, I stopped thinking past tomorrow. I just can't get through the day if I think more than twenty-four hours ahead of the current point in time. But, after all Carly had done for me, I would never take Sydney from her. Or you."

A.J. nodded sympathetically as he dropped the sponge and moved forward to grasp Skye in a hug. "I know that. I know."

Skye let A.J. embrace her for a moment and then pulled back. She turned to point out the window at the beach. "You know, I think I'm going to go for a walk. That was one thing that Jax and I used to do together, before, well, you know. It's something that I've missed about not living here anymore."

A.J. merely smiled. "I understand. Go ahead and go. We'll be upstairs if you need us when you get back."

And so, Skye reached down and unbuttoned her sandals. Leaving them by the kitchen door, she followed the stone path through the gardens, away from the house, and down to the beach. Twilight was quietly fading as the evening tide begun to come in. The crashing of the waves rang in Skye's ears. As she took her first step off the stone path, she marveled at the difference in textures. The soft, cool, rounded smoothness of the large stones embedded in the walk were a sharp contrast to the sticky bits of cold sand that clung to Skye's fit. Pushing forward, Skye began to make her way to a spot on the beach a few feet away from where the stone path ended.

At last, Skye collapsed into the sand with a thud. It was strange sitting here, not having Jax with her. This had been one of their favorite times of the day, a time when there was nothing but the two of them in the pristine glory of nature.

How many times had he brought her here, just to sit at first? How many times would they just stare at the setting sun and listen to the roar of the waves? And as time passed, so too had the ritual changed slightly. Instead of sitting a part during the sun sets, Skye eventually moved to sit next to him, and then to lean against his chest while he held her in his strong embrace. And not so long after that first barrier had been removed, silence had given way to speech. They added talking to their routine. Getting to know each other all over again, they talked about the small things at first- the weather… how life in Australia was different from the States… ELQ….More time passed, and then a drastic change was made in regards to their ritual. Instead of small talk, talk of serious matters was added. The emotional hold Skye had put on her feelings since Jax had brought her to Australia to recuperate following her bone marrow transplant to Michael began to loosen a little bit each day. Skye allowed herself to feel again, and with emotions came both heated discussions and arguments.

The day that Carly had arrived was their first big argument. And just as Skye feared it would, their argument had given way to something else. Just as she had fought against feeling anything emotionally, she had resisted her physical desire for Jax. But, on that one night when they had conceived their daughter, both Skye and Jax had little their reservations go and given in to their feelings.

Skye felt her eyes become wet with tears as she thought back on the memory. Her hands went to her throat as she choked back a sob.

"Damn you, Jasper Jacks. Damn you-" she muttered into the wind, swearing to herself that she could almost still feel the warmth of his touch on her body, despite the fact that it had happened so long ago.

* * *

><p>"My God, you are too deluded for your own good. What have you ever wanted that you have not found some way to get?" Jax said.<p>

Skye was silent for a moment. She bit her lip, and finally breathed a single word, "You."

"Me?" Jax asked in surprise.

"Yes, you." Skye said softly.

Looking down into her eyes, he nodded at her, "I'm right here."

"Only because you can't be with her." Skye shot back at him again.

The anger again flared as Jax squeezed her shoulders hard. "I already told you that wasn't true. I am where I want to be."

"Then prove it," Skye challenged him.

"How?"

She succeeded in pulling away from Jax and taking a step back. Reaching up to the clasp that held her wet hair piled on her head, Skye pulled it out. Her auburn tresses fell about her in wild disarray. She then pulled at the ties that held the wrap clasped about her body. It fell to the floor in a sensuous slide. Jax felt his mouth grow dry as he stared at Skye. She never broke eye contact with him as she said, "Take me to bed."

Skye felt her heart skip a beat when Jax kissed her for the first time in months, running his hands all over her body. Starved for the knowing touch of her lover, as the two fell onto her bed in a tangle of arms and legs, Skye felt something within her break. The last barrier she had placed between she and Jax following her nephew's death gave way. There was little between them as Jax pushed his hand inside her blouse. She shivered as her eyes closed in pleasure. She couldn't help herself as she moaned slightly, calling out his name, "Jax-"

The words seemed to trail off in her lover's ears. Jax brought his hands to Skye's face, holding it in place as he looked down into her eyes.

"Skye, are you sure?"

"Jax, it's now or never," she replied simply. She knew that if she weren't able to get over her fear of intimacy with Jax now, she never would.

So starved for her was he, Jax did something uncharacteristic, and didn't stop to analyze Skye's response. He was too eager to touch her, love her, show her how much she meant to him that if a physical expression of those emotions was all she was willing to grant him, so be it.

Thus, as time passed and the couple made love as if almost for the first time, Skye couldn't be sure what she was feeling. Jax made love to her three times that night. To what end, Skye couldn't be sure. They spoke little, instead focused completely on the physicality of the act. By the time morning had come, the clearness of day had brought Skye back to reality. Her insecurities over losing Jax to Carly were once again under control, as were her general fears and concerns over anything. But what had been done was done, and the evidence of it lay scattered about Skye's bedroom. Clothing was strewn about, as were pillows and her comforter. They had not confined their activities merely to Skye's bed, although that was now where Jax was sleeping. Sprawled out over the mattress, Skye stared at the ceiling from where she lay nestled in his arms.

Skye was unsure how things stood between she and Jax. One obstacle had been overcome, but in the clear sanity of day, what new obstacles had they created?

* * *

><p>"Sydney," Skye sighed to herself as she came back out of her memories and stared across the blackness of the water.<p>

"So, now the question is, was our daughter created out of lust or something else, Jax? Love? Did you love me that night?" Skye asked herself as she wiped away the last of her tears.

Standing up, she shook of the sand from her sun dress. Trudging her way back up to the main house, she was amazed to find it all dark and quiet. She glanced at her watch and realized she had spent three hours on the beach. Shaking her head, Skye headed to her room. However, she never made it to her destination as she was drawn elsewhere.

When Carly entered Sydney's nursery the following morning she wasn't all that surprised to see Skye asleep in the rocking chair, having dragged it next to the baby's crib.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Whether she slept or not, Skye found herself once more haunted by memories. Memories of what once was; memories of what might have been; memories of what could never be. However, the key difference between when she allowed herself to daydream and the dreams that invaded her restless bouts of sleep were in the control of the dreams. When she daydreamed, Skye usually remained in control, allowing herself to only think about which she wanted to or needed to remember. On the other hand, when she slept, Skye had little choice in the topics her troubled psyche would bring to the surface for her to relive over and over again whether she wanted to or not.<p>

Like so many of the things Skye had tried to block out in her mind since that fateful night on which her daughter had been conceived, she was constantly fighting a battle to not have to remember the most painful of her memories – one memory more than all the others that she didn't want to have to deal with again for the rest of her life, no matter what the cost. And, perhaps it was her inherent desire to repress that one particular memory that made it so insipid in it ruthless penetration of her subconscious psyche as manifested when she slept.

Shifting uncomfortable in the rocking chair in her daughter's nursery, Skye slept a frightfully light sleep where yet once again she remembered that which she was desperate to forget. All the pain, all the anguish, all the infinite hurt came flooding back as the scene played over and over again in her head.

* * *

><p>"You broke what I didn't think could be broken, Skye. God, how could you? How could you do this to me? To us? To yourself? My god..."<p>

Skye bent next to the small marble marker, so tiny in the grass that she was afraid that when she stopped tending it on a daily basis, it might be grown over with grass and forever lost. Of course, that wouldn't really happen. The caretakers would see to that. The Quartermaine's were too damn rich and too damn powerful for the express orders of one of their own not to be followed to the letter.

Sighing, Skye pushed herself up again. She couldn't remain in a position like that for very long without suffering extreme discomfort. It was simply too uncomfortable, although no one looking at her would guess as to why. She gazed down at the marble marker again, her eyes going back and forth between the bouquet of baby's breath she had brought as an offering for who knew what reason. Somehow it seemed appropriate as it rested just beside the marker. Skye's eyes lovingly traced the letters with her eyes as a voice called out what she was reading.

"Jayna Jacks._ A ab abs amor aeternus eternus_."

Skye spun around as she looked for the source of the familiar voice. It almost cut her like a knife when she saw his piercing blue eyes staring through her like ice.

"Latin inscription, isn't it?" he said as he took a step forward and placed the bouquet of white roses he was carrying on the opposite side of the marble gravestone from where Skye had placed the baby's breath. "I'm a bit rusty, but if memory serves it says 'with love-'"

"Everlasting." Skye whispered quietly.

Jax snapped his fingers as it clicked in his mind. "Yes. That's it. 'With love everlasting.' A bit of an odd choice for an inscription, don't you think, Skye?"

Skye sighed. Her stomach was rapidly becoming upset, which she knew wasn't good for her. She nodded at him, "Jax, can we please not do this now?"

"You know, Skye. You're right. I'm sorry. I never would have come here if I had known you were going to be here," Jax said as he clasped his hands behind his back.

Shrugging, Skye said, "I wanted to say good-bye one last time. My plane for Port Charles leaves in a few hours."

"Yes, most criminals do return to the scene of their crimes one last time before embarking on a new spree of terror, don't they?" Jax said coldly.

Skye flinched. She was silent for a moment before she said, "I deserved that."

"That, and more." Jax said quietly. "I just find it odd that you would even bother coming here, Skye."

Skye crossed her arms, carefully shifting her coat to keep it in front of her. "And why wouldn't I, Jax? She was my daughter, too."

"But, if it weren't for you, she would still be alive right now," Jax said quietly as he used every bit of self-control to stop from raising his voice in anger at Skye. "It didn't have to be like this. If you had come to me first, before you made a decision that affected both of us..."

"Oh, stop it, Jax. Just stop it. If you hadn't been so busy screwing Carly to have noticed, maybe I would have come to you," Skye said bitterly, although the bitterness was more directed at herself than Jax.

Jax bit his lip as he stared at the ground. Some of his anger abated slightly as he nodded at last. "You're right. If I hadn't of gotten drunk that night-"

"You wouldn't have been sleeping with my worst enemy?" Skye said.

Jax sighed as he brought his hand through his hair. He at last threw his arms into the air in resignation. "You know what, Skye? I was wrong. I made a mistake. I admit that. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. Yes, I slept with Carly. I was lonely, in pain, and while you weren't there, she was . But, you know what? As bad a betrayal as that is, I wasn't the one who killed our child. And to me, one night of infidelity pales in comparison to a mother that murders her own daughter and then has the audacity to even pretend like she is sorry that her baby is dead."

Skye flinched again. Her stomach was flipping over back and forth. She had to concentrate on maintaining even breathes lest she faint and all of the pain she had caused both Jax and herself would come to naught. Jax mistook her silence for who knew what, as he glanced down at the tombstone again.

"Jayna. Jayna Jacks. My little girl. Tell me, Skye. Why?"

Skye mistook the question and shrugged as she answered. "From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I was carrying a girl. I wanted to name her Jayna... I don't know why. Maybe because it reminds me of your name. I just knew that's what her name should be."

Jax shook his head, "No. That's not what I meant-"

"Then what?" Skye asked in confusion.

"I… it doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is that-"

Jax's voice broke for the first time in his conversation with Skye, betraying slightly the amount of emotion he was feeling. "You know, Skye. I loved you. I never told you, and I realize that may have been yet another one of my many mistakes. Maybe none of this would never have happened if I was more open with you about how I was feeling. I thought my actions would be enough to show you how much I loved you, and so saying the words wasn't as important. I'm sorry for that mistake. I should have known, after all your past experiences in life, you needed the verbal affirmation. So, just for the record, here and now, I ant you to know that I loved you."

"You love me?" Skye whispered. Yes, it was something that she had already known, always known, but hearing the words from his lips made it seem all the more real, all the more palpable."

"Yes, I *loved* you. And somehow you were able to destroy that. In killing my child, you were able to do the one thing I didn't think anybody could do."

He was silent for a moment more, turning from her. His eyes watering, he spoke with his back to her, "You broke what I didn't think could be broken, Skye. God, how could you? How could you do this to me? To us? To yourself? My God..."

Skye realized as he spoke that she was biting her lip still, the pressure being so much that she was drawing blood. Shaking her head, Skye realized that she had to leave or all would be for not. Turning, she ran away, past Jax and out the cemetery gate.

She never looked back. And while Jax thought she was heading to the airport to go back to Port Charles, the plane she boarded was actually one with a domestic final destination, not international.

* * *

><p>When Carly entered the nursery and saw Skye sleeping, she was hesitant to wake her. But, Carly rationalized that spending any more time in the rocking chair than necessary, let alone sleeping in it, had to be quite uncomfortable to say the least. Moving slowly to Skye, Carly reached forward and gently shook her hand.<p>

"Skye?" Carly whispered.

So light a sleep was Skye in that she immediately jerked awake, a single word rolling off her tongue in betrayal of what Skye had been dreaming about before the conscious mind could stop it. "Jax?"

Carly sighed as she bent next to her sister-in-law. "No, Skye. Wake-up, sweetie. He's not here."

Skye looked down at Carly. "Carly? Where- what happened?"

"I'm not sure. But I think you fell asleep in the rocking chair last night."

"What time is it?" Skye asked groggily, wincing as she moved her stiff joints.

Carly glanced at her watch. "I don't know. About 9am, I guess."

Skye forced a weak smile. "I think my body is still on Port Charles time. I don't seem to know up from down this morning."

"You okay?"

Skye nodded slowly. "I think so. I remember I came in off the beach last night pretty late. And I was going to go to bed, but for some reason I wanted to check on the baby."

Carly smiled. "Understandable."

Skye shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Carly asked.

Skye smiled weakly, "So many things."

Grabbing her hand, Carly pulled Skye up out of the chair. "Come on. You can be sorry later. Right now I am going to get Sydney changed and ready for a day of errands. I need to run to the post office and bank. Why don't you come with us? It will do you good to get out of the house."

Skye's eyes flicked back and forth between Carly and the crib, but at last, she shook her head. "No, not today, Carly. But thanks. Today I just want to relax. Maybe go for a swim. But, you two go ahead and have a good time, okay?"

"You sure?" Carly asked hesitantly.

Skye nodded.

"All right then," Carly said as she moved forward and reached for the now awake Sydney who was starting to fuss at the voices invading her private habitat.

A couple of hours later, Carly was pushing the baby's carriage down the busy Australian capital's sidewalks. Making her way towards the post office, Carly was talking to the baby absentmindedly. "All right, Sydney, my love. Not too much longer now. I just need to FedEx these contracts to Port Charles and then we can go home. Daddy's gonna kill us if we are late."

Entering the post office, Carly pushed the carriage into line. She was distracted as she checked to make sure the postage label was in place. However, cries from Sydney drew her attention back into the present. Somewhat startled, she dropped one of the envelopes to the ground.

"Oh, damn it-" Carly muttered to herself.

Sensing the baby was fussing for a reason, Carly bent over the carriage to see what was bothering the baby. However, as she turned forward to look at the baby, what greeted her eyes was the last thing on earth she had ever expected to see.

A familiar pair of blue eyes stared back at Carly as her dropped envelope hung in midair from a proffered hand.

"Carly?"

"My God-"

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>It was as if time stopped, and for a moment, Carly was back where all of it had started. The bedroom with the dusky pink walls, Jax laying passed out in bed next to her, Skye crying softly to herself out on the beach. Shaking off her surprise, as unlike Skye, Carly did not allow the past to haunt her any more than absolutely necessary, it was an easy smile that quickly slipped into place as she glanced at a one time close friend, now barely a familiar stranger. She reached out to take the envelope that he was still holding out to her.<p>

"Jax-"

"Carly Corinthos," he said with a genuine smile on his lips. His hands back in his pockets, Jax let his eyes run up and down Carly's body. It was with an air of appreciation in his voice as he said, "It's been a long time."

Carly smiled. "Too long. And it's actually not Corinthos anymore."

"Revert back to Benson? Can't say that I blame you," Jax said with a hint of playfulness in his voice.

Shaking her head as she laughed, Carly said, "No. Actually, I got married again."

"You got married?" Jax asked, surprised. "Wow. That's great news."

"Yeah. We've been married a little over eight months," Carly said.

Jax nodded. "Ahh. Still the newlyweds, are you? Is that what you are doing here in Australia? Honeymooning?"

Resisting the urge to bit her lip, Carly shook her head lightly. She knew if she said too much, it would be a dead giveaway to Jax. Thus, determined to keep it light and friendly, Carly said, "Something like that. I loved it here so much when... well, you know. After Michael died... this place was kind to me."

Sympathy evident in his gaze, Jax nodded again. "Yeah, Sydney is a special place-\-"

Something clicked in her mind when Jax mentioned her daughter's name. Although the child was still fussing, it was not as loud as before. As she moved next to the baby carriage, she said, "Oh, Sydney. Come here, sweetie."

Jax watched in wonderment as Carly picked up the child in the baby carriage. He was silent for a moment, before he said, "Baby-sitting?"

At this comment, Carly couldn't help herself as she bit her lip. Deciding a small lie with just enough of the truth in it to make it sound convincing couldn't hurt, Carly shook her head. "No, Jax. This is- this is my daughter."

"You have a daughter?" Jax asked.

Carly smiled as she nodded. "Yes, I do. Jax, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Sydney. Sydney Quartermaine."

His eyes widening in surprise, Jax stared dumbfounded at Carly. "Quartermaine?"

Carly nodded. "Yes. A.J. and I got remarried earlier this year, Jax. And this is our daughter. Sydney Jayna Quartermaine."

Jax was still staring at the child in shock. At last he managed to put a smile on his face as he said, "Forgive me. I had no idea. Congratulations."

"Thank-you."

The baby was fussing still, and Carly shifted her on her shoulder. The baby seemed to be reaching out for something, although what she couldn't tell. "Oh, come on, Sydney. Be a good girl, just for a little bit longer." Carly turned to Jax. "I have no idea what is making her so antsy. Normally, she's a very good baby. But, she's teething, so I guess that is the exception to the rule even where good babies are concerned, right?"

Jax shook his head slightly, not answering. Carly wasn't paying enough attention as she shifted the baby again and reached into the diaper bag. Using one hand to navigate the bag, Carly cursed softly under her breath as she searched for Sydney's teething ring. "Oh, damn."

"What? Something I can help you with?" Jax asked politely.

Hesitantly, Carly slowly shook her head as she said, "No. It's just difficult searching through the bag with only one free hand."

"Well, maybe you can tell me what you are looking for, and I can find it?" Jax offered.

Carly sighed. "No, you'd never find it unless you knew what you were looking for, even if I described it to you."

"Then let me hold the baby for a second, and you can look for it?" Jax said.

Carly spoke in protest a little too quickly. "No, that's okay. Really."

"Carly, I won't drop her. Promise."

"I really don't-"

"It will just be for a second, Carly. And the longer we stand here arguing the more ticked off I think she is going to get," Jax said lightly.

Carly almost added the phrase 'just like her mother' before she thought better of it. Skye had trusted her with the secret of Sydney's conception and birth. Her very existence even. She wouldn't betray it. But, letting Jax hold the baby just for a second, couldn't really hurt, she reasoned. And Sydney was beginning to wail loudly now, almost as if she had made up her mind to make a scene. Deciding that if it happened quickly, no harm could come of it, she nodded at last to Jax.

"Okay, but be careful with her."

Nodding, Jax reached out for the child. Sydney protested for a moment at being taken from Carly's familiar arms. Jax was unfamiliar being around children, but Sydney seemed different to him for some strange reason. She almost quieted down completely once Jax was holding her, her extreme wails fading into choked sobs. Her head flicked back and forth, and at last focused on the face of the man that was holding her. Blue eyes stared utterly back into blue eyes, almost as if in a mirror. Jax was slightly shaken, as Carly called out in triumph.

"Ahhh-haaa. Got it!"

Raising the teething ring in the air to show Jax her success, Carly reached out to take the baby back. Somewhat reluctantly, Jax handed Sydney back to Carly. The baby immediately quieted completely as Carly gave her the teething ring to nibble on. "There we go-"

At last, Carly turned with a smile to Jax. His hands were back in his pockets. He nodded at the baby, "She really is beautiful, Carly. Especially her eyes. I didn't know that blue eyes ran in the family for either you or A.J."

Almost as if in reflex, Carly couldn't help herself as she replied, "They don't, that I know of… Brown eyes-"

"Carly." Jax said softly.

He stared at her, and then glanced back at the baby carriage. Due to the fact that she had been so small when she had been born, Sydney was still catching up with other children her age in size and weight. And Jax didn't know that much about children to realize this. All he knew is that the child looked small, and something clicked in his brain.

"A.J. must be very proud of a daughter like, Sydney," Jax said at last.

Carly felt her heart skip a beat. She attempted to shrug of Jax as she said, "He is."

"Yes, it takes a special person to raise the child of another man as his own," Jax said at last.

Something inside of Carly was screaming at her in panic. Grabbing the handle to the baby carriage, Carly's letters were forgotten as she said, "I have to go. It's been nice seeing you, Jax. Take care."

She made a beeline for the exit to the post office, and actually made it outside before she felt Jax's strong grasp on her shoulder. He said to her forcefully, "Carly, wait."

Spinning around, she looked at him with fear in her eyes, not so much for herself but for Skye. "What?"

"A.J. isn't Sydney's father, is he?"

"Yes, he is."

"No, he's not. Sydney has blue eyes, Carly. And you just admitted to me yourself that they aren't common in either the Spencer or Quartermaine family. And her eyes look too much like- like mine. The same pair I see gazing back at me every time I look into the mirror for it to be coincidence," Jax said.

"All baby's have blue eyes, Jax. Don't you know that?" Carly said, flustered.

However, Jax was relentless as he continued on. "She's my daughter, isn't she, Carly?"

"No. She isn't, Jax. A.J. is her father. He is her father is every way that matters," Carly said at last, panicking.

"Carly, please. Stop. Just tell me. I need to know. Did you get pregnant from that one night we- were together? Is Sydney my child?"

Shaking free of his grasp, Carly ignored his questions as she said, "I have to go."

"Carly, wait! We need to talk," Jax called to her. But she was too quick for him Disappearing into the crowd, she left him standing on the sidewalk pondering what amounted no more than guesswork.

Feeling a need to get away from Jax as quickly as possible, the only thing that Carly could concentrate on was getting to Skye. She had to get to Skye before-

Pushing the thoughts off, Carly continued heading towards her car.

Meanwhile, Jax was sitting on a nearby bench, replaying the conversation he had just had with Carly over and over again in his head.

"No, it couldn't be. Fate can't be that cruel. It can't have allowed Skye to kill our child and then let Carly take another one from me. It just can't have," Jax muttered softly to himself.

And then, something Carly had said floated back into his consciousness, something that screamed at him to pay attention to it. He gasped as he slowly repeated what Carly had said, "Sydney Jayna Quartermaine? Jayna? No, it couldn't be—why would she do that….?"

His heart racing like it had not for some time, Jax's business for being in Australia was forgotten as he raced to try in figure out what in the hell was happening to him as his world was being turned upside down like he had never thought possible.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>The water gently ran over Skye's entire body as she sat on the sand at the point where the waves were just edging up onto the shore. The warm sun felt wonderful on her body, and with the sea breeze flowing through her hair, Skye felt something she had not felt in a very long time. She felt free – unencumbered – peaceful – and, for a brief moment that made all those other feelings possible, forgetful.<p>

However, it was shattered as a voice pierced the air, jerking Skye's attention to the rapidly approaching form of her sister-in-law.

"Skye!"

Skye was on her feet in a minute, adrenaline coursing through her body as Carly called out to her.

"Skye!" Carly called again.

Running to meet Carly halfway, Skye felt her heart skip a beat as she saw her frantic sister-in-law choking in air as she tried to gain enough composure to speak. "Carly? What is it? What's wrong? Is it the baby? Is Sydney okay?"

Carly's hand went to her throat as she rapidly sucked in air. At last she was able to spit out, "Syd-Sydney is fine."

"Then is it, A.J.?"

Carly shook her head.

"Then what? What's wrong, Carly? You are acting like you have seen a ghost," Skye said.

Carly swallowed once, deciding that beating around the bush would do Skye no good. She said quickly, "In a manner of speaking, I guess I have."

"What are you talking about, Carly?"

"It's Jax, Skye. He's here. And he knows about the baby."

Meanwhile, in another part of the Australian capital, Jax was steering his car towards the coast. His cell phone clasped in one hand, he dialed the only number he could think of in an attempt to get an answer.

"Yeah. It's me. Uh-huh. You'll never guess who I just saw. You don't sound very surprised. Why do I get the feeling that you asking me here was for more than a business deal? No, no. But I have a lot of questions I need answered. I didn't know who else to turn to. Where are you? I need to see you right now."

The voice on the other end of the line replied, "You know where I am. I bought the damn house from you."

"You're THERE?" Jax said in disbelief.

"Yeah. I'll be here waiting. Come to the kitchen when you get here."

"All right. I should be there in about twenty minutes." Jax said as he glanced at the car's clock.

"Fine, I'll be waiting."

With that, A.J. clicked the disconnect button on the cordless phone. Placing it back in the cradle, he then turned his gaze out the kitchen window to stare at the beach where the two most important women in his life were busy frantically trying to figure out what to do.

As Carly told Skye the story of the happenings in the post office, Skye felt her gorge rise in her. She hadn't felt this way since—

* * *

><p>The scene flashed inside her mind. Laying on a medical table in one of the typical unpleasant medical gowns, Skye stared at the ceiling. Her hands were absentmindedly running up and down her still flat stomach as she waited for the test results.<p>

A few more moments passed before an older male doctor came in. Skye sat up slowly as the doctor looked at her chart and then nodded. "Ms. Chandler?"

Skye nodded. "Yes, Dr. Radson?"

"We have your test results in."

"And?" Skye asked breathlessly.

"I suppose congratulations normally would be in order as you are correct. You're pregnant. About six weeks," he said with a frown.

Skye could sense his unease as she prodded, "But?"

He shook his head as she said, "But, you were also correct in your initial assessment. There are-"

Skye could barely move as he went over the findings with her, confirming her worst fears. She almost didn't tune back in until he had finished saying, "-]]and, so you have a choice to make. Of course, this is why your normal OB/GYN sent you to a specialist like me. It would be my recommendation to terminate the pregnancy. Of course, you are free to seek a second opinion, but whatever decision you make, you need to make it soon as time is of the essence."

Nodding, Skye clutched the gown close to her body. Feeling as if the breath had been kicked out of her, she didn't even notice as the doctor told her she could get dressed and leave when she was ready. He left quietly, and Skye couldn't help herself as she laid back on the table. Staring back up at the ceiling, her hands went back to her stomach. It was only when the door to the room was thrown open that Skye bolted upright and turned in shock to see a pair of all too familiar blue eyes staring at her.

"Jax!" Skye cried.

He barreled into the room. He eyed her up and down, "Skye. Please. Please tell me I am not too late."

"Late?" Skye asked in confusion.

Jax shook his head, "Please tell me you didn't do this."

"Do what?" Skye asked in general uncertainty. However, Jax took the uncertainty in her voice as nothing but an act.

"Give it up, Skye. There's no point in lying. I know, all right. I know," he told her.

"Know what exactly?" she asked evenly.

Jax pointed at her, "I know about the baby. I found the pregnancy test at home. I know you're pregnant, okay? Or, at least, you were before… before you came here."

Swallowing, Skye asked quietly, "What are you talking about, Jax?"

He looked around as he wildly gestured at the room. "Skye, please tell me you didn't do something both of us are going to regret. Please tell me you didn't come here and-"

She stared at him, the anger rising in her voice, "And do what exactly, Jax?"

He was silent for a moment, biting his lips before he spoke so low that Skye could barely hear him. "There is only one reason why pregnant women come to a Family Planning Clinic like this."

Immediately something clicked in Skye's brain. She blurted out the words as she stared at him, "You think I came here to have an abortion?"

"Why else would you be here?" Jax asked her. "I know your normal OB/GYN works as Sydney Memorial Hospital, Skye. I've taken you there enough times to get your checkups after the bone marrow transplant."

Skye looked away from Jax. She wasn't sure what to tell him. The truth? That she had come to the family planning clinic because the medical specialist who was the best in his field was working there on rotation, and this was the only time she could get him to look at her for the next three months? Or did she lie? Did she lie and let him believe the worst of her since that what was already in his mind as he thought their child was as good as dead anyway? And, moreover, he thought her capable of such an act.

Apparently, her silence was enough for Jax as she turned away from him. Anger spiked in Skye's chest as she realized that Jax probably wouldn't believe what she told him regardless of any explanation she gave. So, Skye decided to do what she did best. She acted our of anger, out of spite, and with a desire to punish Jax in retaliation for his unfair assessment of exactly what he believed her to be capable.

Jax felt his heart clench in his chest as she spoke at last.

"There is no baby, Jax. She's gone."

The wail of anguish that emanated from Jax's throat was much like the yell of a wounded animal caught in its death throes. "No. Please, god, no. Tell me you didn't, Skye. Please tell me you didn't kill our child," he said at last.

And then he realized Skye had said she. A baby girl. His daughter.

Skye shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes, but Skye refused to let them fall. "I did what I had to do, Jax. I did what I had to do. Now, please, just go."

Stumbling away, Jax stared at her like he was looking at a stranger. He backed away, out the door, and was gone before Skye realized what had happened. A new bout of sobs wrecked her body as she thought on what she had just done. It was over. There was no turning back now.

After a time, she dressed carefully, and then made her way to the one woman who could help her as a plan formulated in her mind.

* * *

><p>That one woman had been Carly Corinthos. Just as she had helped Skye then, her sister-in-law was doing her best to help her now. Skye bit her lip for a few precious seconds before she nodded, "All right, then. First things first. We have to get Sydney out of here. And I can't stay either. We have to go before he finds out and all of our sacrifices become damned for nothing."<p>

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>"Do you remember the day that Sydney was born?" Skye asked, as she looked at Carly.<p>

Skye's sister-in-law merely nodded and then clarified, "Of course. Why?"

Shaking her head, Skye bit her lip. She realized it was becoming an annoying tell when she was anxious or unsure and vowed to try to do it less. Turning from Carly, Skye looked out into the waves before she spoke. "Some times a part of me just wonders what it would have been like if I hadn't of lied to Jax. Part of me wishes what it would have been like if the first person that Sydney saw when she came into this world had been Jax instead of A.J. Part of me wonders if all of us would be in this mess now, you know?"

Coming to stand close to Skye, Carly put her arms lightly around her sister-in-law in a loose hug. Skye felt strength from Carly's closeness. It was such an odd site for two people who had been such bitter enemies at one point in their lives to have finally reached. A stranger gazing upon the pair wouldn't have thought twice on the image of two women hugging, unless the someone watching actually knew the history between Carly and Skye. Then, such an image would have been thoroughly shocking. Indeed, such a person was staring in shock out the kitchen window of a house that had once been his and now belonged to the person that was sitting in front of him.

Gazing at the faint outline of the two women, Jax turned from where he was staring out the window and turned back to A.J. He was silent for a moment, his mouth suddenly having gone dry. A.J. handed him a glass of water without being asked. Jax took it gratefully and downed the entire contents of the glass in one gulp. He handed the empty container back to A.J. as he said, "Thanks."

Placing the glass in the sink, A.J. nodded. "You're welcome."

Looking down at his feet, Jax was unsure how to proceed. He had arrived only a few moments before, surprised to find A.J. Quartermaine as the grand orchestrater in bringing him back to this place… to this place of all places - a place he had sworn he would never return to after all the loss and grief he had suffered here.

Sitting down in a chair, he let out a deep breath. At last he lifted his head to meet A.J.'s questioning gaze. Shaking his head, at last Jax could barely manage to utter a single word. "Why?"

Picking up a coffee cup from the counter, A.J. took a long sip of the warm, bitter liquid before he answered. Looking up at the blue eyes that were almost identical to Sydney's that there was no mistaking who was her biological father, A.J. spoke slowly, measuring each word carefully. "The past year and a half has been hell for everyone, Jax. You...Carly...me...Skye. I just thought that it was past time for all of us to continue soaking in this unending pit of self-depreciating sadness that Quartermaines love to wallow in and take everyone around us in as well. Enough is enough."

"Then if you knew what was really going on all this time, A.J., why did you let it continue? All you had to do was pick up the phone. You could have ended this at any time. Why wait until now?" Jax said.

A.J. shrugged. "It took me a long time to figure out everything that had happened, Jax. And by the time I did, there were more important things to take care of…."

"You mean the baby," Jax said softly.

Nodding, A.J. said, "Yes. I mean Sydney. She's the most important thing in all of this Jax. And the best thing for her right now is for her biological mother and father to clear the path of all the lies that are between them. If not for their own sakes, than at least for hers."

Jax stood and resumed pacing. He stopped in front of the window again. Skye had moved farther away from Carly as the later was returning to the house. Skye's faint outline seemed to glow in the late afternoon sunshine. Even at this distance, and despite everything that had happened between them, she still took his breath away. At last, his eyes never breaking from the window, Jax spoke, "That isn't your call to make, A.J."

Sitting down in Jax's vacated seat, A.J. placed his coffee cup on the table. He nodded as he said, "You know, you're right, Jax. It's not my call. I am simply the only one who was willing to take a risk and try to bring you and Skye together in one place to rectify things between you enough at least for the sake of your daughter."

"A.J., it's not that simple-" Jax began.

Cutting him off, A.J. said, "Yeah, Jax, it is. You can either go to Skye and work this out. Or, you can simply get up and leave. No one even knows that you're here. You can simply walk out the door, and Carly & Skye won't be any wiser to the fact that you know anything more about Sydney and what really has happened over the past eighteen months that what you questioned Carly about in the post office. It's your choice."

Jax was silent for a moment before A.J. softened his tone and added, "Jax, look man. I'm sure Skye had her reasons for doing what she did, just like you. And that's none of my business. So, if I made a mistake in bringing you here, I'm sorry. But I had to do something, so at least my conscience is clear because I know that I did everything in my power to right a great wrong that might come back to destroy that precious little girl one day and every one else involved."

At last, A.J.'s words had hit upon something. Jax turned on his heels and he merely nodded at A.J. "You're a real bastard, you know that?"

A.J. smiled. "Coming from someone like you, Jax, I'll take that as a compliment."

Jax shook his head, and walked towards the door. Closing it softly behind him, he headed out towards the beach and his destiny.

Looking at the clock, A.J. realized that Sydney would be due for her afternoon feeding soon. Reaching into the sink for any empty bottle, A.J. was slightly distracted when he heard movement come from the opposite side of the room.

"A.J.?"

Turning around, he saw a breathless Carly standing in the archway that separated the kitchen from the dining room. She had a look on her face that stopped A.J. in his tracks.

"Carly? Baby, what is it? What's wrong?"

Taking a breath, Carly was about to speak again when, all of a sudden, blackness swept over her and she fell to the ground unconscious.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Twilight. It was a magical time no matter where on earth one was. But, for some reason, the hour just before the sun set seemed especially magical. From his location on the coast, Jasper Jax had a prime view of the sparkling vista. He had left A.J. alone in the kitchen, preceding out the back door and down an all too familiar path that lead through the garden, down to the beach, and finally, out towards the water. Acting more on instinct than rational thought, Jax slowly walked down the smooth stone pathway. Reaching the end of it before he had realized what had happened, Jax found himself faced at the end of one path and the beginning of another... both literally and figuratively.<p>

Bending down, more out of habit than necessity, he quickly kicked off his black business shoes. Although the dress code in Australia was considerably more casual than what was appropriate in the states, Jax was in the habit of wearing a coat and tie to most of his business dealings no matter where he was. His one concession to his location had been a casual pair of khaki pants as opposed to black or gray trousers. Placing his socks inside the loafers, for some reason Jax then unbuttoned his jacket and placed it over the side of the stone fence that separated the property for the beach. Unbuttoning the cuff links on his white dress shirt, he rolled the sleeves up to mid-arm before doing like wise with the khakis. Loosening his tie, he quickly slipped that off his neck and placed it gently on top of the jacket. With one final movement, Jax popped the top collar button on his shirt loose and the transformation was complete. More at ease than he thought possible, it was almost as if in the shedding of his business attire, Jax felt a part of himself that he had thought he had left behind on this very beach return. He hadn't really been to this particular spot since he had come here after Skye had run away from him at their daughter's grave and the bad memories almost threatened to overwhelm him.

Only, that hadn't been their daughter's grave… had it? Their daughter was alive and well. She wasn't dead, and for the first time in a very long time, Jax felt the faint flicker of hope burn within him. Perhaps if Sydney had survived, despite all the odds against, than maybe that part of him that he thought Skye had so mercilessly destroyed wasn't gone after all. Hurt? Yes. In hiding? Most assuredly. But completely gone? No- perhaps not.

Moving softly across the sand, the salt breeze of the ocean caressed Jax's face like an old friend welcoming him home. He moved slowly, for he knew that each step he took closer to her was a step closer to choosing a specific fork in the road. Come what may, it would be settled between them once and for all no matter what after today.

A few moments passed as Jax allowed himself to breathe deeply of the sea air. It was invigorating to him for more reasons than he cared to admit. Probably the most important reason was that the particular sensation it evoked was connected not only to overwhelming sadness, but also deep happiness… to a series of memories that Jax had once treasured above all else. Indeed, perhaps he did still hold them of some value or else why would he be recalling them now?

At last, Jax came to his goal. He stopped a few steps away from her.

She was sitting at the edge of the dry sand, watching the tide come in and out. High tide was coming in, and the water was coming closer to where Skye sat with each movement of the water. However, she was too preoccupied with her thoughts to notice his arrival.

Again, Skye had allowed mind to wonder and let the refuge offered by this beach sooth her. For just a few moments more, Skye enjoyed the serenity that the Australian nature was offering her. Ironically, Skye noted with amusement that it was twilight.

Dusk.

That one time of day that had once been hers and Jax's alone to share. Before... all before that one fateful day that she had gone to the doctor for a normal check up. And, ironically, it had been the last scheduled one following the operation for her to donate her bone marrow for Michael. Six weeks after that night with Jax, a mere six weeks of happiness was all that Skye had been granted. Six weeks of bliss with the man she loved, before a doctor cruelly snatched it all away with those few single words.

* * *

><p>"You're pregnant, Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine," Dr. Kavira told her, staring at the blood work.<p>

Skye sat up from where she had been laying down on the table, clutching the medical gown to her body tightly. She stared at him wide-eyed, in shock.

"I'm what?" Skye whispered.

The doctor repeated it for her. "You're pregnant, Skye."

Her hands went to her mouth in surprise as a gasp escaped her lips. "But... how?"

Dr. Kavira shook his head. "Well, I assume we aren't dealing with another immaculate conception? You are sexually active with your boyfriend, are you not?"

Boyfriend. What a trite word for the relationship that existed between she and Jax. However, it was a moot point as Skye nodded her head.

"Well, that explains the how," the doctor said, as he placed his clipboard down and nodded at Skye. "Why don't you lie back down, and we'll see how far along you are?"

Still not processing the information, Skye mutely did as she was told. Placing his warm hands just over her abdomen, the doctor gently began to massage the area. Gently pressing here and there, Skye was too distracted with staring at the ceiling as she tried to let the information sink in that she didn't notice the frowns or worry lines creasing the brow of her doctor.

Biting her lip, at last Skye was able to say, "But, I thought that the reason you put me on birth control pills was to keep something like... like this from happening."

Continuing to press gently into her stomach, the doctor absentmindedly said, "You know oral contraceptives aren't 100% foolproof, Skye. That's why I also recommended you use a second form of birth control just to be on the safe side. Haven't you?"

Skye opened her mouth to answer. She and Jax had been so careful. She had never told him why she insisted upon the extra precautions. He had been satisfied enough with her reasoning that between their careers, and the fact that their relationship was still in the formative stages, that a child wasn't a good variable to mix in to the equation. He had had no idea of her real reasons- that she would have sold her soul to give him a child. But, she honestly believed that she wasn't capable due to the lasting ramifications of one dangerous night of stupidity and alcohol that had resulted in a disastrous car crash that had left her, for all intensive purposes, barren.

And, then Skye thought of that one night. That one night in her bedroom after Jax's argument with Carly. Caught up in the moment and the pure physicality of the act itself, neither one of them had given any thought to something as trivial as using a condom, let alone what the ramifications might be if they didn't.

"Well?" the doctor prodded her.

Skye shook her head as she said. "There was one... one time about two months ago that we... Forgot."

Dr. Kavira nodded. "Well, if I had to guess, that was probably when you conceived. I wouldn't put money on it, but I think you're about seven weeks along. Have you been experiencing any dizziness or nausea lately? Fatigue?"

Skye shook her head. "No. Nothing. I haven't felt this well since before... before the operation," Skye said softly. "And, I didn't think to come to you because I just attributed my period being late to the medication you prescribed following the transplant. I remember you saying that the drug might cause side effects, and I just thought my courses being late might be one of them."

The doctor shook his head. "No, it wasn't a side effect of the medications. You're pregnant. I am going to go ahead and write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and give you the name of a specialist regarding high risk pregnancies. I've reviewed your case records from the states, and while I think we might have to pay close attention to your condition, I don't think their is any reason why you shouldn't be able to carry the baby close to term. Medical technology and breakthroughs in the drug industry have been monumental in the fifteen years since your accident. And with a little luck, I don't think their isn't any reason why in six or seven months you won't be holding your son or daughter in your arms."

"Really?" Skye said.

The doctor nodded with a smile. "Really. Now, I just want to do one last thing before you go. I'd like to do a sonogram, if that's okay with you. Normally, I would wait and have you make an appointment to do it, but my physical examination has made me just one to check on one thing, just to be on the safe side, since you are almost two months along."

"All right-" Skye said softly.

And, so they did the sonogram. And for the first time, Skye saw an image on the screen of the life she carried within her. She saw the small life that she and Jax had created. She saw their child.

Unfortunately, a moment that should have been one of the happiest in her life had turned out to be the saddest. She cried out in physical pain as he told her.

"I'm sorry, Skye. It's- it's an ectopic pregnancy. You don't have any choice but to terminate the pregnancy or you'll kill yourself as well as the child," the doctor had told her.

Tears streaming down her eyes, Skye clutched at the photograph of the sonogram the doctor had given her. She was holding on to it so tightly, she felt as if she let go she would let go of her one remaining hold to a tangible grasp of reality.

She had lost it. So close, and she had lost it. She had damned herself, Jax, and their child before she had even realized that what was done was done. The doctor continued talking to her.

"Of course, you still do have some time to decide a course of action. Go ahead and go talk to your boyfriend. Think about your options. And there is a specialist that you may want to go and see about this. Normally, he works out of London, but you're lucky. I know he is going to be here in Sydney in two weeks doing a special procedure at the Women's Health Center on MacIntosh Street and 54th. It will take some doing, but I think I can get you an appointment. Either way, you need to act quickly. If you don't terminate the pregnancy, there is a good chance you could rupture a blood vessel yourself and start hemorrhaging before anyone realizes what's happening due to where the embryo implanted itself, okay?"

Skye mutely nodded as she sat up and stared with glassy eyes at the doctor.

Lucky. He told her she was lucky. Her child had just been given a death sentence, and he was telling her she was lucky. How lucky was she really?

* * *

><p>Coming back into the present, Skye felt her hands go to her stomach. Running her hands up and down it slowly, she thought of the scar that lay hidden under the loose sun dress. Such a small price to pay in the long term of things….<p>

And, thus it was with Skye lost in her thoughts caressing her abdomen that an all too familiar voice floated to her ears on the twilight's wind, softly calling her name.

"Skye."

Turning around, indeed Skye felt as if she were looking at a ghost as a pair of blue eyes came to stare into soft brown ones in a gaze that each thought the other was sure to drown in…..

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>The very first time that Skye had ever seen Jax had been at a time in her life when she knew the last thing she needed was another romantic entanglement. She had been quite pleased to be free of love's nasty web; after all, in her entire life, all her relationships had always ended in nothing but pain and miserable discomfort. However, that night Cupid's arrows had flown true, and she was a goner. That stare of his had been what had ultimately done her in… those piercing blue eyes that were so indicative of what Jax was thinking and feeling. All Skye had to do was look at his eyes, and she felt as if she were looking straight into his soul.<p>

That first night, at the GH charity auction, Skye had just been another pretty face in a large crowd to him. She had not merited a second glance on Jax's part. However, Skye being Skye, chose to rapidly change that little detail. She got his attention, and the first time he ever *really* looked at her, Skye could remember thinking that he thought no more of her than that which one gives a petty annoyance once it has been identified and cataloged. But, Skye had persisted. She hadn't given up. She stuck to her guns, determined that one day Jax would look at her as he had never looked at anyone before.

And on this day, of all days, as Skye stood barefoot on the beach in the dusky twilight of the early Australian evening, she had at last succeeded. The look that shone in Jax's eyes was alien to Skye. She had never seen it there before, and didn't know what to make of it. Indeed, a part of her initially thought she was day dreaming or hallucinating or some other inexplicable and wild explanation. After all, there was no way that Jax could be here, of all places and of all times, looking just like nothing had happened between them.

Hesitantly, Skye rose and took a step forward towards him. Her hand came up to Jax's face, slowly…. so slowly, in fact, Skye felt that she was in slow motion as her conscious mind tried to process what was happening to her. Her brain otherwise occupied, her body was on autopilot and acting of its own accord. What she did was a mere reflex, purely instinctual. They were the act of a woman desperately trying to deny herself the one thing she wanted most in the world and yet couldn't bear to give up completely.

Jax felt himself tremble, despite his best efforts to the contrary, as Skye's soft hand came up to his cheek. She slowly stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, and then flipped her hand so that her fingers lightly were playing across his rough skin. He hadn't shaved since early that morning, and the stubble was itchy to Skye's fingers as she traced his jawbone from ear to chin before her hand fell to her side.

Taking a deep breath, it was almost as if Skye suddenly switched from slow motion to normal speed all at once. Stumbling backwards, she shook her head as she breathlessly grappled for the right words.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Jax bit his lips as he slowly shook his head. "No, you're not."

"You're here. You're really here."

"I am," came the simple response.

Skye shook her head again in denial. "But, you can't be. You can't be here. You're... You're supposed to be in Port Charles. Or London. Or Hong Kong, for all I care. But not here. You're not supposed to be here."

Jax was silent as Skye struggled to grasp the reality of what was happening to her.

"This isn't really happening," Skye protested. "I'm daydreaming again. You're just a figment of my overactive and over tired imagination. Jet lag, right? Exhaustion complicated by jet lag is making me hallucinate."

Continuing to stare at her, Jax pondered what to say. He hadn't seen Skye in over a year. And, yet, as soon as he stood within a few feet of her, it was almost as if that entire year had been just a bad dream. It was almost as if no time had passed, and he was merely joining her out on the beach for a twilight walk just before dinner. It was almost as if time had melted away, and the chasm that had separated them for so long simply didn't exist anymore. And it took Jax a minute to realize why.

His own hand came up to the cheek that Skye had touched. It was almost as if he had been burned by her touch. It was overwhelming as Jax realized the thoughts and feelings and reactions that he had thought long ago dead and buried were coming back to life… and back to the forefront of his conscious mind.

Shaking his head, Jax looked at Skye, his eyes staring at her so that it made her go weak in the knees.

"You can't be here. You just can't," Skye repeated.

"Skye," he said softly, at last.

Skye continued in her protestations of denial. She closed her eyes, squinting so tightly that the actions of her eyes mirrored the clinching of her fists. "I don't know why, but you are just an illusion. You aren't real."

"Skye."

"You aren't real."

"Skye," Jax said, this time more forcefully.

"You AREN'T real," Skye said defiantly for a third, and what she thought was final, time.

However, before she could open her eyes, Jax felt a rush of... of something when he closed the space between them in a matter of seconds. Grabbing her roughly by the arm, Jax pulled her towards him. His lips came to hers in a crushing blow. In that single kiss, Skye's eyes bolted open with astonished amazement. For Jax, the kiss had started out as a simple way to get her attention. But when he felt Skye go limp against him, her warm softness falling into his arms- something... something changed. The kiss deepened. It was like an electric exchange between the two. Conveying to her all of his emotions in a single, glittering action- all of what he was feeling for her, all that he had been carrying around locked deep inside him for over a year and a half, came out. All the anger, fear, hatred, passion, lust, desperation, disappointment, happiness, desire, annoyance, frustration, sadness, and even love came tumbling out in that single kiss.

When at last Jax pulled away, Skye felt as if her heart had stopped. Tears begun slightly falling down her cheeks as she stumbled to the ground. Sinking to her knees, sobs began to choke Skye as she fought herself for control.

"Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God... my God, my God... it's you. It's you. It's really you," Skye whispered, as she began to shake violently.

A small part of Jax couldn't help it as he reached down to gather her in his embrace. It was instinct. But his rational mind overruled the action, forcing him to stay in place. He stared at her, standing completely still. Only the soft sea breeze ruffling through his shirt and his hair gave any indication that he was a living, breathing person. Standing over her, Jax merely watched until Skye's sobs eventually subsided into choked dry shudders.

"Skye."

Staring at the ground, Skye's hand came to her throat. She couldn't manage to move her neck up for some reason. It was as if she had gone completely numb and couldn't move anything at all. All she could do was continue to shake as her mind tried to regain control of the situation that the chaotic rip tide of emotion had unleashed upon it.

"Skye, look at me," Jax said as he finally took a step forward.

Several seconds passed, and silence was his only response before a cracked voice replied, "I can't."

Sighing, when she made no move to comply with his request, Jax bent down next to her. Raising a hand to her chin, he gently tilted her head upwards so that she was staring once more into his eyes.

"Skye, look at me. You owe me that much at least."

Fresh tears glistened as she reluctantly didn't break the stare. "What do you want from me?"

Jax was quiet for a moment. There was so much he wanted from this woman. So much... so much that the only thing that would satisfy him completely was HER. However, despite how natural it felt being this close to Skye again, how wonderful it had felt to hold her in his arms and share with her an idea of all he wanted to give her, Jax realized that could never be. And, so he settled for closure as he considered his next words.

"All I want to know is why."

"Why?" Skye said, as she sniffled.

Jax's hands came up to her face and gently brushed away the tears with a flick of the wrist in each direction. He nodded as he said. "Just tell me why."

"Why what?"

"Why... why did you do all of it? Why did you lie to me? Why did you make me think my... our daughter was dead? Why did you throw away the live we were building together with both hands? Why did you sacrifice your happiness... our happiness? Sacrifice our... our love? Please. I have to know. Why did you do it, Skye?"

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Tears streaming down her eyes, Skye could barely see through her blurred vision to meet the probing gaze that was studying her intently. His words hung in the air, waiting her answer. Truth to be told, a part of herself, even after all this time was also still waiting for the answer.<p>

Why had she really done it? Why had she thrown away everything she had ever wanted? Why had she lied to and betrayed the one man in this world that had loved her and accepted her just as she was, without any condition? Why had she done it?

Skye bit her lip as she considered her answer. For so many months, she had feared this moment. Pleasant memories had led to passionate dreams of Jax when she was asleep. That had been her one luxury when she had been carrying Sydney - her one comfort, her one consolation. But, once her child had been safely born, against all odds, those memories turned from pleasant dreams into probing nightmares.

How many times had Skye awoken in the middle of a night, broken out into a cold sweat, with the haunting vision of Jax's ice cold and piercing stare burned into her eyes? How many times had her imagination conjured this one moment, causing Skye to live it over and over in her head each night for months so that when the time actually came, she thought she knew exactly how it would turn out beforehand? The answer was, simply… too many.

And, yet, for all her imagination, fear wasn't the most prevalent emotion Skye finally felt when actually faced with the moment at hand. No, it wasn't fear. Or even anger. Or even disappointment. It was sadness. Inconsolable, utterly lonely, sadness. Sadness flowing from Jax; sadness flowing from her as she thought of the utter waste of the past year now that Jax had found out the truth, despite all the precautions Skye had taken and all the sacrifices she had made.

Her hand coming to wipe at the tears that uncontrolled pricked at the corners of her eyes, Skye composed herself enough to be able to lift her gaze to finally meet Jax's eyes. He was right. After all that had happened between them, she owed him that much at least.

Taking a deep breath, Skye didn't think as she spoke, carefully choosing her words. Instead, she spoke without planning and simply from her heart.

"I had a choice to make, Jax."

Confusion flashed in his eyes, joining a myriad of other emotions, and bewildered Skye as he tried to make sense of her words. At last he said, "Choice? What choice? What possible choice could have driven you to this madness, Skye?"

Skye stopped herself from biting her lip. She had stalled enough. She owed Jax the truth. After everything that she had done to him, after everything she had either taken or stolen from him, she owed him that much.

"It was a choice, Jax. A choice between you and between our child. A choice between you losing just one of us or losing both of us at the same time. A choice I made to... to..." Skye's voice trailed off, breaking in midsentence as she felt a new wave of emotional guilt sweep over her and form in a ball in the middle of her throat.

Jax was silent for a few seconds, but impatient, he prodded her. "A choice you made to what, Skye?"

Swallowing, Skye thought back on the one conversation that had started with Carly. The one that had put all of this into motion. The one that had sealed her fate and deemed that she had reached the point of no return; after that conversation, Skye knew she couldn't turn back.

She had just returned from her appointment at Sydney General with her normal OB/GYN. Clutched tightly in her hands was a file folder containing her medical records, the contact information for the specialist her doctor had recommended, directions on how to get to the women's health center, and most importantly, a sonogram of the seven-week old fetus that had not followed nature's mandate and implanted itself in Skye's uterus.

Only by blind luck had Jax not accompanied her to that appointment. There was a business conference call Jax had to make unless he wanted to fly to Tokyo for a week to finish a deal. Even though she had taken a leave of absence from ELQ following Michael's death, Jax had continued working from Australia. Truly, given a laptop, a cell phone, and a fax machine, Jax could work from anywhere. She had assured him she would be fine, and she would come and find him as soon as the appointment was over. It was her last, and if she was given a clean bill of health, they had agreed to have a special celebration that night. Unfortunately, fate deemed Skye's plans for the evening as being anything but happy.

As she trudged into the house, Skye wasn't really paying attention. Climbing the stone steps up to the front door, she entered in a daze. Thus, it was really no surprise that when her heel tripped on a loose chip in the marble tile of the entry way and came crashing down. A slight yell escaped her lips, and the file went tumbling from her hands. Its contents flew everywhere, and before Skye could do anything, her eyes fell on the sonogram. She had not looked at it since the doctor had given it to her, and she had left the hospital. She knew she would crack the next time she saw it. And she was right.

Fresh tears began to form as she reached for the black and white glossy photo. Her finger prints had already smudged the glossy paper beyond belief. But, still Skye clutched the photo to her heart. It was all she thought she had left.

Hearing the commotion of Skye's fall in the entryway, Carly came out from the kitchen to see what was going on. She immediately felt concern well in her for Skye when she saw her sprawled on the ground. Going to her side, Carly kneeled and said, "Skye? What's wrong? What's happened?"

Surprise and fear overwhelming her, Skye immediately tried to hide the sonogram. Pushing it into one pocket of her jacket with one hand, she used the other to wipe away her tears before responding, "Nothing. Nothing. I'm fine, Carly. I just tripped. New heels and my foot twisted the wrong way…." Skye tripped to force a small smile as she rose somewhat unsteadily to her feet.

Carly looked at A.J.'s sister skeptically. If there was one thing she had learned in all her years of dealing with Quartermaines, it was to know when one of them was lying as it happened so frequently. Thus, Carly knew Skye wasn't telling the truth, despite her best protestations to the contrary.

"You're lying, Skye. Please, tell me what's wrong."

"I said nothing, Carly."

"Skye, please. You and Jax have been so good to me and A.J. since we got here... please. Let me return the favor. Tell me what's wrong," Carly pleaded.

And before Skye knew what she was doing, the whole story came tumbling out. She had to tell someone, and she couldn't tell Jax. How could she tell him that she was pregnant with their child only to have to them add to the news that, 'oh, by the way - I have to terminate the pregnancy. And even if I do, there is a chance I am going to die anyway, and there is nothing you can to stop from losing us both, Jax. Just FYI…'

No, Skye couldn't do that to Jax. And, thus, as she talked to Carly, a plan began to formulate in her head as Skye's mood quickly changed. She began to talk as the details formed.

"Carly, please. You have to help me."

"What can I do?" Carly asked softly.

"Help me make Jax think that he slept with you," Skye blurted out.

"What?" Carly exclaimed.

Skye immediately shushed her as her eyes went up the main stair case. "Shush! Jax is just upstairs and might hear us."

"Skye, when you fell, did you hit your head or something?"

Skye shook her head slowly. "No, if only it were that simple. Please, Carly. You have to help me."

Carly eyed her. "You want me to seduce Jax?"

Skye bit her lip. "He has to think he slept with you, Carly. That's the only way this will all work."

"What all will work, Skye? You're not making any sense."

Ignoring Carly's words, Skye continued on, her decision made. "Carly, if you do this for me, I'll give you thing one thing in this world that I know you want more than anything else right now," Skye said with an unsure breath.

Carly eyed her warily. "And what is that, Skye? What could you possibly offer me that would EVER convince me to do something as stupid as this?"

"A child, Carly. A new life who would think that you were his mother, and would love you and never leave you like Michael did."

"What in the hell are you talking about, Skye?" Carly said, with an trace of panic in her voice that had not been there before.

"I'm pregnant, Carly. I'm pregnant."

"You're what?"

"I'm pregnant. I am going to have a baby. Or, at least, I am going to try to." Skye said. She hesitantly took the sonogram picture out of her jacket pocket and handed it to Carly.

"This is Jax's child?"

"Who else's would it be, Carly?"

"Then why? Why would you ever do something like this? And ask me to help you do it? Betray a great a guy as Jax? And hurt A.J. in the process? Why?"

"Because it's the only way. It's the only choice I have. Now will you help me or not?"

"But why?" Carly asked, fingering the sonogram carefully.

Skye pointed at the picture. "The pregnancy isn't normal, Carly. It's... my doctor thinks it's an ectopic pregnancy. The fetus implanted in my abdominal cavity instead of my uterus because there is too much scare tissue there for a viable pregnancy to form there of its own accord."

"Scar tissue?" Carly asked in confusion.

Waving off the question, Skye said, "It's a long story. The short of it is, one night when I was really young and really stupid, I got drunk and then I got behind the wheel of a car. I didn't hurt anyone but myself when I ran the car into a tree." Lost in thought for a moment, Skye gazed away as she recalled flashes of the accident… pain, screeching tires, crunching metal, and then darkness. Looking up, Skye returned her attention to Carly as she said pointedly, "The internal injuries were... extensive. Especially in my abdominal region."

"What does all this have to do with me trying to seduce Jax?" Carly asked softly.

Skye shook her head. "He'll never leave me unless he thinks I have a viable reason to push him away, Carly. This is the only way. Otherwise, he'll have to first watch his child die and then me. And I can't do that to him, Carly. He's already lost so much in this world. I can't put him through that kind of pain again."

Carly shook her head. "Don't you think that is a choice Jax deserves to make for himself?"

Skye was silent for a moment as she pondered the question. She then replied softly, "No, Carly. It's not."

Carly bit her lip as she pondered Skye's words and the devotion she was attempting to demonstrate to the man she loved. At last, Carly shook her head and said, "You are nuttier than I thought any Q could ever be, Skye, and that's saying something."

Skye sighed. "Look, there is a chance… a small chance I might have another option besides aborting the pregnancy myself or it terminating itself when the fetus grows too large for the abdominal cavity and ruptures one of my blood vessels and I hemorrhage to death." Skye let her voice trail off as she contemplated the scenarios she had just run rapidly through. She shrugged and looked up at Carly. "As to which one might happen, well, I don't know which is the one most likely to happen… and I won't know for sure until I see this specialist by OB/GYN told me about. But I can't see him for two weeks, and I need to have a back-up plan just in case. So, will you help me?"

Carly looked deeply into Skye's eyes. They shown with nothing but the troubled love she felt for Jax which reinforced the honesty of her words to Carly. Thus, it was with a slight nod that Carly answered. "Can I think about it for a little bit"

Skye nodded slowly. Bending down, Carly helped Skye gather up the spilled contents of the file folder. Handing them back to her sister-in-law, Carly then gave Skye a quick hug before turning back into her house to contemplate Skye's request.

And a short time later, true to her word, Carly had thought about it… and eventually agreed to help Skye.

And, thus, it was this that Skye tried to tell Jax as she looked up into his eyes.

"I... I had to choose, Jax. Between you and our daughter. And I chose our daughter," Skye whispered.

"You aren't answering my question, Skye. Come on, just tell me the truth. What really made you do this?" Jax asked in frustration.

At last, Skye broke down, and relented. Tears continuing to stream down her eyes, she nodded at him. "I did it because I love you, Jax. I love you more than anything I've ever loved before. I did it because I love you more than my life. I love you more than my very own existence, Jax. That's why I did it. I faked it. I faked the abortion. And then I lied to you. I lied to you and kept hidden from you the reasons why I did what I did. I hid the pregnancy, and I hid Sydney because I thought we were both going to die, and I couldn't bear the thought of you loo\sing not only the woman you love once more, but your first-born child as well."

She paused for a breath and watched as Jax stared at her in disbelief.

Turning from him, she choked back a sob as she added softly, "Living with the knowledge that you hated me was one thing I could tolerate, Jax. But living with the knowledge that you were in pain and were hurting and blaming yourself over losing your family was one thing I could never and will never tolerate. I'm sorry, but I love you too much to let you do that."

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Silence settled between the two. Across the metaphorical gulf that now stood as a vast chasm between them, only the crashing of the waves against the shore and the screeching of the last few gulls that were flying overhead before sundown could be heard. Skye struggle to fight back her sobs. She wouldn't cry in front of him. She wouldn't.<p>

Jax wasn't sure how to respond to Skye's declaration. Based upon what A.J. had told him, he had been able to put a lot of the puzzle pieces together prior to forcing her admission. But, hearing it from Skye's lips... hearing her say the words... hearing her admit her guilt - it was almost too much for him. He turned from her. He could feel tears stinging his eyes, and he refused to let her see him cry. He wouldn't cry in front of her. He wouldn't.

Unsure of what else to say, Skye was about to turn from him again and leave. There was nothing left for her here anymore. There hadn't been for a long time, she thought/.

As she turned to go, Jax sensed her movements. Pulling himself together enough to speak, he said softly, "Skye."

Surprised, Skye stopped. Jax seemed to know what she was doing even though he had not yet turned his back to look at her. Silence still so tangible between them that Skye thought that she might be able to reach out and grasp it, she waited.

At last, Jax spoke again. Softly. In an alien tone of voice that Skye had never heard before.

"Do you remember the one time you told me all the horrible things you had done in your past and then you asked me to leave you?"

Skye bit her lip. That painful memory was as clear to her as any where Jax was concerned. She tested each of the short words on her lips as she breathed, "I do."

"Do you remember what I told you?"

Skye sighed softly. She took in a deep breath as she said, "You said 'don't run.'"

"Don't run, Skye." Jax repeated. He turned around slowly. "Don't run," he repeated more firmly.

He was silent again for a moment before he finally looked and met her gaze once more. Skye could see the pain he was in, it blazed clearly in his eyes. He looked at her with a look that nearly broke Skye. But, she refused to give in. All she had left was her dignity. She refused to give that up to Jax too. Thus, the pair continued to stare at each other in silence.

Finally, Jax said, "If I asked you not to run, then why did you? Why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you trust in me... trust in our love enough to deal with anything that might come at it?"

"Even death, Jax?" Skye blurted out.

Jax nodded slowly. "Even death."

Skye crossed her arms slowly, taking the defensive stance more firmly. "I guess I never learned to have the faith in you that you seemed to have had in me, Jax."

Sighing, Jax ran a hand through his hair. "Why, Skye? You knew I loved you. I thought we worked through all of those issues that night..."

"That night after you fought with Carly?" Skye finished the sentence, somewhat bitterly. That was the night it had all started. That was the night their daughter had been conceived. That was the night that Skye had realized that Jax was truly all she wanted in live, and that had scared her.

Being able to discern the bitterness in her voice, Jax sighed. He misconstrued the source as he said, "Skye, look. I know I am not completely innocent in this whole tangled web of events. I know... I know that I cheated on you with Carly, but -"

Looking down at the ground, Skye whispered, "No, you didn't."

"What?" Jax said, as he turned his eyes to stare at her downcast head. "What are you talking about."

"You didn't cheat on me, Jax."

Jax's brow furrowed as he said, "Skye... I thought you knew. But... I did. That's what I thought you were talking about that last time we saw each other... that afternoon in the cemetery. I slept with Carly the night that I found you in that Woman's Health Center. After I thought..."

Skye lifted her head slowly. She shook her head as she finished his sentence. "The day you thought I had aborted your child?"

Nodding slowly, there was no need for words from Jax as he confirmed what Skye had said.

"It was all a setup, Jax. All of it," Skye said softly. She then thought back and couldn't help but laugh at the ironic role fate had played in that day's happenings. "Okay, well maybe not all of it. You finding the pregnancy test... that was something on which I hadn't planned."

His eyebrows narrowing, Jax said, "Skye... I don't know what anyone told you, but I know what happened. I... I... was out of control that night. I just couldn't handle feeling the pain anymore. I didn't know how to make it stop. And somehow I ended up in a pub... and I drank. I drank to make the pain go away. I drank to forget. I drank to just do anything but face the truth of what I thought was happening. And, then somehow I ended up back here... and you weren't here, but Carly was... and before I knew what was happening, one thing led to another, and Carly and I..."

"It wasn't Carly, Jax," Skye said as she took a step forward.

"Yes, it was. I know it was. Because when I woke up, I gave her... I remember giving her..."

Reaching inside the sun dress she was wearing, Skye slowly pulled out a silver chain. Hanging on the end of it was a single pearl. She looked up at him and she nodded, "This?"

Jax's eyes narrowed. "How did you get that? Did Carly give that to you?"

"I told you. You didn't give this to Carly that night."

Backing away from her, Jax almost stumbled and fell. "I remember. I remember... I woke up with Carly next to me. And... I..."

"Jax."

"I remember my head was hurting and..."

"Jax."

"And, I know it was Carly..."

"Jax." Skye called out. She nodded at him. There was confusion blazing in his eyes as she cut him off. "Think about it. Think about it carefully. Was Carly there in bed with you the morning that you woke up?"

Jax let out a deep breath. He slowly shook his head. "No. she... she came in carrying a breakfast tray... and... but, I know... what you're saying can't be true. I know it can't."

"Do you remember the color of the walls, Jax?"

"Walls?"

"Of the bedroom you woke up in?" Skye prodded.

Jax's brow furrowed in thought as he struggled to remember. At last, he murmured, "Pink. Dusky pink."

"That's right. And the only room in the house that is painted that color is...?"

"Your room," Jax said softly. "I know. I went looking for you there, and Carly was there. You weren't, but she was."

Closing her eyes with a sigh, Skye nodded. "I wasn't at first. But... later..."

The memories flooding over her, Skye played back the images in her mind. It started with Carly's phone call….

* * *

><p>"Skye Chandler-Quartermaine," Skye had answered, when her cell phone went off.<p>

The answer came quickly, she as she had expected. "It's me."

"What is it, Carly?"

"It's time, Skye. He's here."

"Where?" Skye said, as she looked at her watch.

"The house. He just stumbled in."

"How is he?"

"He's bad, Skye. He's... this is the worst I have ever seen him. I think he's drunk."

"How drunk?"

"Very drunk."

"Are you sure?"

Carly was silent for a second before she responded. "If we are going to do it, then now is the time."

"Good. Then this is it. You're right. If we are going to do this, than we do it tonight."

"All right," Carly responded.

Skye sighed. "Go to my room, Carly. If he is as drunk as you say, he'll be looking for me. I'm on my way. I'll try and get there before you. I'll hide in the bathroom. You just need to get him into the bed..."

"I understand." Carly said softly. She then hung up, placing the phone back in the receiver.

As Jax stumbled in the bottom part of the house, Carly watched and waited. In the meantime, by some miracle, Skye managed to sneak into her own room and hide in the bathroom just as she had promised. When she heard the door to her bedroom open the first time, she knew it was Carly. When the door flew open the second time, Skye knew the moment of truth had arrived.

"Skye!" Jax bellowed.

Turning around, stepping out of the shadows, Carly said softly, "She's not here, Jax."

"Carly? What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," came the response in a sultry voice.

Jax looked at her. "Why?"

"I know what happened, Jax."

"She told you?" Jax said in a slurred speech, his eyes flashing anger, despair, and just an edge of violence below the surface of the alcohol-induced cloud that hung over Jax's mind.

Carly remained silent as she walked up to him. Reaching out, she seductively reached up and placed a hand on Jax's chest and shrugged, "Does it matter?"

Jax looked down at the hand, and said, "She betrayed me, Carly. She killed... killed our baby. She killed my child, Carly. Skye killed my child."

At his words, the violence suddenly evaporated as quickly as it had appeared and tears began to stream down Jax's face. Sobbing, Jax began to shak, and Carly moved closer o him. Pulling him into an embrace, she said, "Shush. It's okay, Jax. Shush. It's going to be okay."

"God, why? Why did she do it, Carly? Why did she betray me?" Jax whispered as he stumbled out of her grasp. Looking up wild-eyed at her, Jax waited for an answer.

Shrugging at last, Carly lied, "I don't know why Skye doed half the things she does. She's always been like that, you know?" Moving towards him once again, she pulled him into another embrace. "But, it doesn't matter. What's done is done.," she murmured into his ear.

"No…." Jax whimpered.

"Yes," Carly said. "It's done, and I can see the pain it's causing you, Jax. You're hurting so badly…. please... let me help you."

Meeting her eyes, Jax struggled to latch on to the lifeline that Carly seemingly was offering. "How?" Jax whispered.

Reaching up, Carly gave Jax a gentle kiss on the lips. Despite his drunken state, Jax was surprised.

"No, Carly."

Pulling back, he stumbled backwards and fell onto the bed.

Carly moved closer to him, a seductive grin on her face. "Why not, Jax?"

"I can't do that to her... I can't hurt Skye like that," Jax said as he watched Carly whet her lip purposely.

"Why?" she asked innocently.

Jax looked away before he said at last, "Because I won't betray her, Carly."

"You said it yourself, Jax. *She* is the one that betrayed *you*," Carly said as she placed her hands on her hips and took another step towards the bed. "Skye is the one that broke what love there was between you. So does it really matter if you share another woman's bed for one single solitary night to ease your pain, just a bit? To forget the horrible events that have caused you so much hurt… even just for a few hours?"

Going towards him, Carly gently pushed him back onto the bed. She gave him another kiss, and then helped him shrug out of his out of his jacket.

In his drunken stupor, Carly's words made some sense. He began to kiss her back as he muttered, "You're right."

"Of course, I am."

Pulling away, Carly looked down into Jax's eyes. "Hold on."

"What?" Jax asked in confusion, his eyes roving up and down her body.

Carly smiled at him. "Give me a second to go and slip into something more comfortable."

Jax nodded. "Don't take too long."

Moving forward, Carly poured Jax a glass of whiskey. She handed it to him. "To keep you occupied until I get back."

Jax took the glass gratefully. He watched Carly disappear into the bathroom where Skye was still hidden. As Jax proceeded to drain the whiskey in a single gulp, he poured himself another shot before he collapsed back onto the bed.

Meanwhile, Carly whispered to Skye, "He's ready."

"You slipped him the drug?"

Carly shook her head. "No."

"Why not?"

"He is all ready so far gone, Skye, it's not necessary."

"But, Carly..."

"Trust me, Skye. The amount of alcohol coupled with the amount of pain he is in is more than enough."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Turning around, Carly nodded at her. "I would say good-luck, but it doesn't seema appropriate. I'll be back in the morning with breakfast for him at 8."

"I'll make sure to be gone," Skye said softly. "Thank-you, Carly."

Merely nodding, Carly turned and silently exited via the door that adjoined the bathroom to the dressing room on the other side of Skye's bedroom. Slipping quietly out the doors, Skye looked down at herself. Nodding at the black robe, she adjusted the belt so that it could quickly and easily be undone. At least if she was going to make Jax think he had betrayed her, they could at least have one last night together. Skye almost laughed at the perversity of it.

Entering the room, she saw how right Carly was with one glance towards the bed. For a split second, Skye wondered if Jax had passed out… or if he hadn't, if he was so far gone that he would even be able to respond to her ministrations. Taking a closer look, Skye saw that, as she suspected, Jax was not that far from passing out. He was laying on the bed, but she could see in the darkness of the room that his eyes were following her as she moved across the room towards where he lay.

"Carly?" he said softly.

"I'm here," Skye replied.

Moving forward, she came to stand in front of the bed. Jax's brow furrowed in confusion as a spark of recognition blazed in his eyes. "Skye?"

Reaching down for his hand, Skye guided it to the belt on her gown. She shook her head as she said, "No. Carly."

"But, I..."

"You're seeing things, Jax," Skye whispered as she guided his hand to pull the strap loose. The silk robe fell to the gown in a whisper of material. The moonlight illuminated her perfect body, and for Jax, that was all he concentrated on. Grabbing her, he pulled her down into the bed and tried to forget Skye and all the pain she had caused him. The sheer physical brutality of his lovemaking astonished Skye. He had never been so... harsh, so rough, so unforgiving in all the times he had ever made love to her. But, when he cried out in release, a part of her couldn't help but wonder how much of that action was due to his physical response or the emotional pain she saw him drowning within every time his gaze briefly met hers.

Rolling them over so that she was on top of him, this time Skye took the lead and concentrated solely on bringing physical release once more to his body. The rawness of the physical act shocked her, their movements mechanical and devoid of emotion, but she figured that was as it should be. There was nothing emotional about this night aside from the emotional turn of events that had brought it about. And, so it continued into the dark hours of the early morning...

* * *

><p>The following day, Skye had left just as she had promised. Carly had returned, and Jax's hangover was so bad that he could barely remember what had happened. He knew he had slept with someone that previous night, and he had no reason to doubt Carly's word.<p>

The only proof that it had been Skye's bed he went to that night instead of Carly's was now clasped about Skye's neck. She turned to Jax, the memories fading away as she came into the present.

"You gave this to me that morning thinking I was Carly, Jax. You gave this to me..."

Jax couldn't process what Skye was telling him. But he knew the truth of her words. He finished them, "I gave them to Carly as a 'thank-you.' I had bought them for you that morning as an early birthday gift. And then everything happened, and I couldn't bear to keep it. So I gave it to Carly..."

"You gave it to the woman you slept with that night, Jax."

"I gave it to you," he said softly.

Moving to her, he brought a hand to her cheek. "So much trouble, Skye. So many lies and schemes. Why?"

Skye smiled at his nearness as fresh tears ran down her face. "I knew you would never accept leaving me unless you thought I had a viable reason to push you away for good. But, I couldn't bear to not have one last night with you, Jax. I guess it was selfish, but..."

A siren in the distance caught Skye and Jax's attention at the immediate moment that a voice pierced the air and cut her off mid-sentence. "Skye!"

Turning from Jax, Skye saw A. J. running towards the pair, Sydney clutched in his arms.

"A.J.?" Skye called. "What's wrong?"

Coming towards them, he hastily pushed Sydney into Skye's arms. "Carly. She's hurt. No time to explain. Have to get to the hospital. Can't take the baby though…."

As soon as Sydney was out of his arms, he turned on his heel and quickly disappeared as fast as he had come. "I'll call!" A.J. yelled over his shoulders.

Sydney was crying at being handled so roughly. Skye immediately tried to shush her, until she realized Jax was staring at his daughter and her mother.

"What?" Skye asked.

Jax smiled. "It's just the first time I've ever seen the two of you together. Now that I do, the resemblance is just a little unnerving."

"I never really noticed it," Skye said as she shifted Sydney in her arms. "The only thing I've kept focusing on were her eyes." She was silent before she looked up and said, "Your eyes, Jax."

His hand tentatively came out to pat Sydney's head. "She's beautiful, Skye."

"I know."

Suddenly, things were too much for Skye. Taking the baby, she hastily pushed Sydney into Jax's arms. He took the baby as she turned and called over her shoulder to him, "Take Sydney. I've got to get to the hospital. A.J. and Carly need me."

Jax stood dumbfounded as Sydney continued to wail in his arms.

"Skye!" he called.

However, she didn't hear him. She had already disappeared from his sight once more.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Those smells. They hadn't changed. In the four months since Skye Chandler-Quartermaine had last been in this exact same hospital, the smells hadn't changed at all. They were so similar to the smells in Skye's memory that she recalled whenever she thought on the place, she almost laughed. Despite all that had changed in her own chaotic world, at least some things had remained constant, like the annoyingly antiseptic smells of Sydney General Hospital.<p>

Barreling her way down the corridor that led to the emergency room, Skye travelled the all too familiar path in mere seconds. Heading towards the admitting desk, she nodded at the nurse in charge.

"Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine!" the woman exclaimed with surprise. "Oh, my. What a surprise!"

"Hello, Vera," Skye said with a forced smile. "Since when are you stuck down here in the bowels of the hospital?"

The nurse smiled. "I was finally able to get a day shift by taking the departmental transfer from obstetrics to E.R. Gives me more time to spend with the little ones."

Skye smiled. "It's good to see you again, Vera."

"And you as well, Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine. How is your little one, by the by? She must be getting big by now."

Nodding, Skye said, "Yes, she is, I suppose. I wouldn't really know though. I gave her up for adoption as soon as she was born."

The nurse frowned sympathetically. "Oh, Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine. I am so sorry to hear that. I know how much you went through to carry that child to term."

Skye smiled weakly. "Yes, well. It was for the best." She paused for a second before she said, "Vera, I think my sister-in-law may have been brought in her a short time ago. Is there any way you can look her up and see if she has been admitted?"

Immediately, the nurse moved to a computer. She smiled as she winked, "Anything for you, dear. What's her name?"

"Carly Quartermaine. Or Caroline Quartermaine. I am not sure which one she would have been admitted under."

The nurse nodded. "I'll check both. Hold on just one second - okay, I've got it. You were right on the first one. Carly Quartermaine. She was brought in about half an hour ago. And... yes, she was admitted. Fifth floor. Room 7-A."

"The fifth floor?" Skye whispered, her mouth suddenly having gone dry.

Nodding, Vera said. "Yes, ma'am. She was admitted as one of Dr. Kavira's patients."

Skye took a deep breath as she nodded. "All right. Thank you, Vera. I very much appreciate it."

The nurse smile and nodded. "Any time Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine. Any time."

Nodding good-bye, Skye clasped her bag close to her. Heading towards the elevator, Skye hesitantly entered. Her hands shook as she pressed the button for the fifth floor. However, when she finally did, it was a mere matter of seconds before she was back to where Sydney's own life had began. Heading down the corridor, as soon as Skye made her first right turn, she saw A.J. pacing outside Carly's room.

"A.J.?" Skye called out to him.

Stopping in his pacing, A.J. looked up in surprise. "Skye?"

She nodded. She came forward and gave him a hug. A.J. was grateful as he came to lean on his older sister, even if it was only for a moment or two. As soon as they pulled a part, A.J. looked at Skye with his eyebrows raised. "Skye? What are you doing here? Where's Sydney?"

"With Jax at the house," Skye replied. "I just had to come, A.J."

"I told you I'd call you as soon as I had any news," A.J. said softly.

Nodding, Skye said, "I know. But, I just couldn't wait, A.J. I had to come."

A weak smile came across A.J.'s face. "I am glad you're here," he told Skye.

Motioning her head in direction of the door, Skye asked softly, "How is she, A.J.?"

Clasping his hands behind his back, A.J. smiled weakly again. "She's fine. At least, that's what Dr. Kavira said. A little dehydrated is all. They put her on an I-V for fluids to get her electrolytes back into balance. And, I think they are going to keep her here overnight for observation, just to be on the safe side."

"I'm sure if that's what Dr. Kavira said, then that's all there is to it, A.J. He is the best, after all," Skye said.

A.J. nodded. "I know. I know… and he did an amazing job with you, but it still is a little weird for me to be back here with him and have you standing next to me this time instead of Carly. Still, you're right. He is the best," A.J. rambled distractedly.

"He is," Skye agreed.

A.J. smiled softly. "I can't believe it, Skye. I don't know how, but Carly and I are getting a second chance. I am going to be a father again."

Skye nodded, biting back the words that almost jumped into her throat. Moving forward, she gave him another hug. As soon as they pulled a part, their attention was drawn to the sound of Carly's hospital room door opening. Dr. Kavira exited and nodded at A.J. When he saw Skye, he smiled. "Hello, Skye."

"Dr. Kavira," Skye nodded in return.

He said, "How are you?"

Shrugging, Skye said, "I'm fine, I guess. But the more important question is how is my sister-in-law?"

Dr. Kavira smiled. "Fine, Skye. I am sure A.J. told you what I told him."

Skye nodded.

"Good. Then just to let you see for yourself, why don't you go in and see her? She's been asking for you, and I need to speak with A.J. in private for a moment," Dr. Kavira said.

Skye bit her lip. She looked to A.J. for confirmation. He smiled. Skye smiled hesitantly in return and then nodded at the two men. "All right then."

Moving forward slowly, as Skye softly knocked on the door.

"Come in," Carly replied.

Pushing the door open, Skye walked in. She really smiled this time at Carly. Carly looked genuinely pleased to see Skye as she said, "Hey you."

"Hey yourself," Skye said softly. "How are you doing?"

Carly shrugged. "I'm not too bad. They told you?"

Skye nodded. Carly smiled. "I have no idea how it happened, Skye," Carly said.

Skye laughed. "Come on, now, Carly. I know you didn't miss that day in Sex Ed., right?"

"No," Carly said with a smile. "But, you know what I mean."

"I do," Skye replied. "When are you due?"

"Early August," Carly said softly. "I'm about six weeks along, give or take."

Moving forward, Skye gave her sister-in-law a hug. "I am so happy for you and A.J., Carly, I can't even tell you…."

Carly nodded. "I know. And you coming here... that means a lot to me. I know this place isn't full of happy memories for you."

Smiling, Skye said, "Oh, they weren't all bad. Syd was born here, after all. Right down the hall as a matter of a fact." She paused and then turned to sit on the edge of Carly's bed. She looked up with an honest shrug, "It's just a little overwhelming being here for the first time since they discharged me four months ago."

Looking up, Carly nodded. "Where is Sydney, Skye? Is A.J. with her?."

Skye shook her head slowly. "No, Carly. She's with her father, at the house. She's with Jax. She's where she belongs, I think, finally."

Turning away from Carly, Skye felt tears sting her eyes. Looking at the pink border of the far wall, identical to that which had decorated the room in which she had given birth to her daughter, Skye felt the memories coming back into her conscious mind despite herself.

* * *

><p>"Come on, Skye. You have to work for your baby! You have to work for her," the doctor called to Skye.<p>

The contraction gripped her. Pain seared through her entire body so badly that it felt like she was being cut in two. Sweat was dripping off her brow as Skye arched her body against A.J.'s supportive hands. She tried to concentrate on the breathing technique that A.J. was going through with her. The contraction was bad… and Skye was so tired.

Looking up at A.J., she started to cry.

"A.J., I can't do it anymore," Skye whimpered. "I just can't do it."

"Yes, you can, Skye. You can do it," A.J. encouraged her. Squeezing her hand, he smiled. "Come on, Skye. We're almost there. You're doing great. Just concentrate on the breathing."

"But, it hurts so much, A.J. It hurts so much. I was such a stupid fool… why didn't I just get a c-section? I just can't do *this* anymore," Skye told him.

"I know, sweetie, I know. But you have to help your baby. You have to help her. You've done so wonderful, Skye. You're almost done. You just have a little more to go," A.J. told her.

"I can't," Skye told him as the tears mixed with her sweat.

Several hours of labor pains as the hospital awaited an available operating room, coupled with the fact that Skye refused any pain medications for fear it would hurt the baby, left her in the worse pain she had ever felt in her life. All she wanted to do was push, but she couldn't.

"Please, make it stop, A.J. Please make it stop," Skye cried.

"She's coming, Skye. And we're almost ready to take you into surgery, but you can't push. You just need to work a little more to get her here," Dr. Kavira told her calmly.

A.J. clenched Skye's hand again. "Come on, Skye. Stay with me. You have just a little bit more to go, and then you're done."

"I can't," Skye whispered.

"Yes, you can, Skye. If not for me, and not for your baby, then do it for Jax, Skye. Do it for him. You owe him that much. You owe him at least a much to bring his baby into this world after all you've done to get it to the point where she could make her entrance. Do it for him, Skye. Do it for Jax," A.J. told her.

Skye in-took a sharp breath. Biting on her lips, she nodded her head at A.J. Through ragged breaths, she said, "You... are... a... manipulative bastard!"

A.J. smiled.

Taking a deep breath, A.J. had indeed called out the one thing that could have made Skye not give up. Focusing on the mental picture of Jax in her mind, she concentrated on the image on his blue eyes in her brain. Following the instructions of the doctor, Skye fought against the urge to push, but couldn't help it – just once… just one push would surely alleviate some of the pain?

She screamed in pain as something inside her ripped. Pain began to cloud her mind, washing over the image of Jax she had in her mind. The words she heard coming to her ears were foggy at best. She could only hear bits and pieces of the words being shouted around the room - some at her, some at others.

"Skye, stop pushing!"

"...a blood vessel is ruptured..."

"Have to get her into the operating room..."

"... she's hemorrhaging, type and cross match..."

"I'm losing her!"

"We have sixty seconds to get this baby out of her now, people!"

"... the baby's fine, but the mother is in distress..."

"Skye, stay with me!"

"Code blue..."

Fading out, slowly, at last Skye felt no more pain. When she came to again, the first thing of which she was aware was the bright light that was assaulting her eyes. Squinting her eyes against the unwelcome onslaught of brightness, Skye opened them slowly as she became accustomed to the overhead light shining in her face. Realizing she was no longer in her room but in another part of the hospital, even in her groggy state, Skye could tell she was in an operating room.

The words of those around her became much more clear.

"I need a clamp. No, I can see the placenta. She's losing too much blood here..."

"Dr. Kavira, the patient's waking up," a nurse called.

The doctor smiled. "Good. Good. She's just in time to meet her..."

Looking up, the doctor said, "Someone go tell her brother. He's in the nursery with the baby." Kavira then looked up at Skye as her eyes started to roll back in her head, and he tempted her, "Stay with us, Skye, we're almost done and then it'll be time to meet your daughter, Skye."

The drugs still making her head fuzzy, Skye couldn't do much but smile. She mumbled to no one in particular, "A girl. Jax, I was right. It's a baby girl."

She was silent before she smiled again. "A daughter. Your little girl. Our daughter. I did it, Jax. I did it."

Fading out again, Skye welcomed the unconscious. When she came to again, she was back in her room. This time, her head didn't feel as if cotton balls were packed tight all around it. Her throat felt dry and scratchy as she turned her head. She smiled weakly as she saw A.J. looking at her.

"Hey," she whispered.

A.J. smiled. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up. How do you feel?"

Skye blinked once and then said, "Tired. And sore. What happened?"

A.J. reached forward a pushed a strand of hair out of Skye's eyes. "The baby's placenta ruptured one of the blood vessels in your abdominal cavity, Skye. You were bleeding out, and the doctor had to get the baby out of you. So they had to do an emergency surgery. The did a caesarian section on you right in the room to get the baby out in time."

"She?" Skye whispered.

A.J. nodded with a smile. "Yeah, sweetie. It's a girl. You have a beautiful baby girl."

"Is she okay?" Skye asked.

Nodding, A.J. said, "She's perfect, Skye. She's right here if you want to hold her,"

"No," Skye shook her head as she turned from A.J.

"No?"

"No," Skye whispered. "I know what Dr. Kavira told me would happen if I carried her to term. He was right, wasn't he?"

Reluctantly, A.J. nodded. "He was. I just didn't want you to have to think about that now."

"It's better if I don't hold her, A.J. I won't be able to let go," Skye said softly.

A.J. was silent for a moment. He then nodded his head slowly. "All right. If you think that's best."

Skye nodded. She then smiled softly. "What does she look like, A.J.?"

He grinned. "She has your hair, Skye. Little auburn curls already. And her eyes. They are the most amazing blue eyes."

"Jax," Skye whispered. "She has his eyes, doesn't she?"

Again, A.J. nodded his head slowly. However, instead of dwelling on a topic he knew would give his sister pain, he smiled, "She needs a name, Skye. Right now they are just calling her Baby Girl Quartermaine. They asked for one, but I didn't want to tell them until I asked you. Do you still want to name her Jayna?"

Skye swallowed and then shook her head. "No, Jayna is dead and buried, A.J. Her name is..."

Looking up around her, Skye smiled. "Sydney."

"Sydney?"

"Yeah, Sydney. She's a miracle, A.J. She was created and born here. I always want her to know that and never forget it," Skye said.

"All right," A.J. said softly. "Sydney Quartermaine."

"No," Skye said softly.

"What?" A.J. asked in confusion.

"Her birth certificate. I want her name to be listed as Jacks, A.J. Sydney Jacks. Sydney Jayna Jacks," Skye said softly. "I owe him that much at least."

"All right, Skye. It's your choice," A.J. said softly. Bending down to kiss her, Skye smiled.

Indeed, it was with a smile that Skye looked back down on Carly as she came back to the present.

* * *

><p>Carly nodded at her. "You know, Skye... about Sydney. A.J. and I talked about it before all of... this." Carly rubbed her hand softly over her stomach as she indicated what she was talking about. "We know that when you gave us Sydney it was for keeps, but we both agreed. You should be a part of her life. You're her real mother. And as hard as that will be for both of us... we agreed that she should be with you."<p>

Smiling softly, Skye nodded at Carly. "Carly, all those months after I left Jax and you and A.J. helped me through the procedure, and then the pregnancy... I thought I was going to die. I knew even if I could carry her to term, the damage from the original car accident had injured my kidneys so badly that I would be at risk for kidney failure given the stress of the pregnancy. And when I woke up, and A.J. confirmed that Dr. Kavira said that one of them was so badly damaged that I would have to have an operation to remove it, and stay on dialysis and bed rest for months on the slim chance I might heal, I thought it better if Sydney stayed with a mother and father who loved her and wouldn't leave her. That's why I gave her to you. I didn't want her to get to know a mother who might die before her first birthday."

"I know, Skye. But the dialysis and medications worked better than anyone could have ever thought. That's why they let you out of the hospital, isn't it? That's why they let you go home, isn't it?" Carly asked softly.

Skye shook her head. "I *am* doing better, Carly, but there is no promises. That is why I don't think I can take care of Sydney even now," Skye said.

Turning around, she looked out the window. Carly watched in silence for a moment before she posed a question. "Then what are you going to do?" Carly asked at last.

Softly, Skye said, "What I should have done from the beginning."

Skye smiled as she turned around and nodded at Carly. "You sure you are going to be okay?"

Carly nodded.

"All right, then. I'll be back in the morning when A.J. brings you home."

Skye bent down and gave Carly a quick kiss good-bye.

Saying good-bye to A.J., Skye got in her car. Heading back towards the house, Skye was amazed at how quickly she made it home. Putting the parking break up, Skye took a breath and nodded to herself. "It's now or never," Skye said softly.

Getting out of the car, Skye clutched her purse tightly to her. Entering the house, she began to climb the stairs. As if by instinct, she knew where Jax would be. Pushing the door to her bedroom open, she saw Jax with his back to her. Holding his daughter against his shoulder, he stood at the open doors to the terrace staring at the evening beauty of the twinkling stars and shining moon.

Jax sensed Skye's presence before she was completely there. However, he didn't turn as she moved forward. Setting her purse down on a chair, she kicked off her heels. Moving softly across the wooden floor, Skye came slowly up behind Jax. Placing her arms around his waist, she hugged him tightly, the need for words between the two not present as their bodies and emotions said all they ever had need to say between them and more.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

* * *

><p>Skye stayed with her body pressed tightly against Jax's back for a long time. She wasn't sure how much time passed as they stayed connected, her body to his, two people melding into one. They said nothing; all that needed to be said had already been uttered. Her hands clasped loosely about his waist, and she laid her right cheek against his back. Her breathing slowing down, eventually Skye came to realize that she and Jax were breathing in and out in exactly the same manner and exactly the timed pattern - short, slow breaths. In and out. In and out - one breath at a time.<p>

And perhaps this was the first step for Skye realizing what she had been in denial about all along. No matter what she did, no matter what either one of them did, they couldn't break that connection. The bond that held them together was stronger than anything that could ever be thrown at it in an attempt to break it. Time. Distance. Lies. Betrayal. Manipulation. Schemes. Hurt. Pain. Deception. None of it mattered in the grand scheme of things, for the bottom line was, that despite all that had happened, they still loved each other.

Never before in her life had Skye felt so comfortable as she had right at that particular moment. Jax's warmth had always made her feel safe. And secure. And happy. Closing her eyes, a small smile escaped to adorn her lips as she realized she could feel the beating of Jax's heart. Strong and rhythmic and steady, it betrayed little of the chaos that Jax was feeling.

At last, Jax stepped away from Skye and turned around. Their daughter still clutched in his arms, Skye felt her heart melt as she saw the small head of auburn curls lying in peaceful contentment on his shoulder. Looking up into her eyes, Jax's first words betrayed some of the emotion that he felt for her.

"I didn't know if you would come back or not."

Skye turned her down to look at the floor. Her head shook slightly as she responded, "To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was going to either."

"What changed your mind?" he asked softly.

Looking up, she breathed a swift breath of air before she replied. "Carly."

"Is she all right?" Jax asked.

Nodding her head, Skye clasped her hands together in front of her. "She's fine. A.J. is going to bring her home tomorrow."

"You two have gotten to be good friends, haven't you?" Jax asked, the curiosity plain in his voice.

Skye merely nodded. "She convinced me not to run anymore, Jax. Not to run out of fear… and not to run from you."

Nervous energy suddenly in abundance, she turned from him and began to pace the room. "She's pregnant, Jax."

Silence reined between the two, the air so thick between them that Skye felt that she could almost reach out and touch a physical manifestation of that which separated her from Jax and their baby. Skye stopped in her pacing, and moved back to stand in front of Jax. During her movements, he had come to sit on the bed. Sydney was obviously dozing contentedly as Jax held her steady against his shoulder. Skye smiled again as she looked on father and daughter, thoughts of Carly forgotten.

"She likes you," Skye said softly.

Jax smiled. "I like her, too." He looked away from Skye for a moment and then turned his head back to hers as he nodded. "She's incredible, Skye."

"She's your daughter, Jax. How could she be anything but?" Skye said.

Moving forward, she bent down next to the bed. Grasping Jax's free hand in her own, she clasped it between her hands. Caressing it softly, she nodded her head in the general direction of the door. "Do you know where her nursery is?"

Jax shook his head.

"Come on, I'll show you," Skye said.

Hesitant, Jax replied, "I don't want to give her up just yet, Skye. I... I just found her, and I don't want to lose her. I don't... I don't want to say good-bye just yet..."

Skye smiled. "Jax, please? We need to talk, and it's best if Sydney goes down for the night anyhow."

"But-" Jax began to protest.

Squeezing his hand in a reassuring manner, Skye smiled. "I promise, Jax. You'll never lose her. And you'll never have to say good-bye to her again."

Standing, she released his hand from her grip. Extending a hand again, this time she wanted Jax to make the choice. All she could do was make the offer. Holding the hand there, a part of Skye was terrified that he would reject her. However, when his hesitantly came up to grasp Skye's extended hand, she chided herself once again for not having faith in the incredible man standing in front of her. Rising slowly, Jax was careful not to wake the baby as he followed Skye out of the bedroom.

Going next door, Skye pushed the door to Sydney's nursery open. She nodded in the general direction of the crib. Jax viewed the room with a slightly surprised glance upon his face. He looked at Skye in askance, but she merely nodded in answer to his unspoken question. The same room that Skye and Jax had once considered using as a nursery when they had been daydreaming about having children one day during one of their twilight talks on the beach was the same room in which their daughter now resided. Moving forward, he gently placed his precious burden in the crib on her stomach. The baby gave off a series of small sighs as Skye reached in and tucked a soft, purple wool blanket around her daughter. Reaching down, she brushed her lips softly against her daughter's forehead.

"Goodnight, my sweet miracle. Goodnight," Skye whispered.

Turning, she saw that Jax was watching her in awe. She merely smiled again, and once more, took his hand in hers. Guiding him out of the nursery, she shut the door quietly behind them. Skye then proceeded to pull Jax back towards her bedroom. He followed with little protest, and when they were back inside, Skye pressed the wooden door shut tightly. Jax watched her with interest as she proceeded to take off her earrings and the wristwatch she was wearing. She struggled with the clasp on her necklace. Jax moved forward out of habit.

"Here, let me help," he said.

Taken aback, Skye nodded slowly. "All right."

Lifting her hair up off her shoulders, she felt Jax's warm hands on her neck as he fumbled with the clasp on the gold and amethyst necklace. She couldn't help it as goose bumps began to rise as the little hairs on the back of her neck went up as Jax's fingers accidentally caressed them. Her heart seemed to stop beating for a few seconds before Jax said triumphantly, "A-ha, got it."

"Thank-you," Skye whispered as she took her free hand and reached out for the necklace.

Jax gave it to her, and then said softly, "Do you want me to take off the other chain as well? The silver chain with the pearl on it?"

Skye shook her head. "No."

"Why not?"

"I always wear it," Skye said.

She could feel Jax's head move close so that it was resting on her shoulder near her ear. "And why is that?"

"To keep some part of you close to me always even when you're not with me," Skye replied honestly. It was instinct whenever Jax was this close to her.

For some reason that alluded either one of them, Jax moved his head closer to Skye's ear. His whisper was soft, sensual. "I'm here with you now."

One hand was still holding her hair off of her neck, while Skye's other free hand itched to come up and touch Jax's face. Using every ounce of self-control that she had, Skye reasoned that she was doing remarkably well for a woman in her position. Granted it was an unusual position, but nonetheless, Skye still reasoned that she was doing well. However, when Jax proceeded to lower his lips to her neck, Skye felt any self-control she was in possession of go out the nearest window. Her head arched against his, as her free hand came up and ran throw his gelled hair. She felt as if she had been shocked, a static of electricity being exchanged between the two. The warm moisture of his breath sent her head pounding and her heart racing. Feeling more out of control than she could possibly remember, Skye realized that if one of them didn't stop things before too long, it would be too late.

As his lips began to move lower from her neck down to her shoulder blade, Skye heard a small gasp escape from her lips. That was enough to jerk some common sense back into her as she reluctantly pulled away.

"No, Jax."

Looking up at her with confusion and hurt in his eyes, he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I thought... I thought you were feeling the same things I was."

Skye clinched her hands together as she turned around to face him. "Please, don't be sorry. You're not at fault here. I am."

"You?"

Skye nodded. "You weren't misinterpreting me. You were reading me loud and clear… interpreting me in all the right ways. I want this as much as you do, but we can't."

"I don't understand," Jax said softly. "If you feel the same way about me as I do you, then why can't we act on it?"

Skye shook her head. "I didn't come back here and ask you to my room for sex, Jax. Honestly, I didn't. I just wanted to talk. I still do. But…. but, I just can't help myself around you."

Turning slowly, Skye moved towards the bed. Sitting on the edge, she clasped her hands in her lapsas Jax pondered a response. Skye mistook his silence for rejection as she looked up at him with tears edging into her eyes. "I'm sorry, Jax. I am so sorry about so many things."

Jax moved forward and came to bend down in front of Skye. This time it was his turn to grasp her hands in his as he smiled. "Don't be."

"Don't be? How can I not be, Jax?" Skye said softly. "After all that I've done... after all the lies, pain, and hurt I've caused you, feeling a little guilt is a light sentence indeed." She turned her head from his, unable to bear it as his piercing blue eyes attempted to look into her teary gaze.

"Skye," Jax said quietly. "Please, look at me."

Biting her lip, she didn't resist as Jax took a hand and gently moved her chin so that her face came to look into his. Skye was utterly astonished when she finally lifted her gaze to his. Expecting to find pain, hurt, betrayal, and any number of negative emotions, Skye was astonished to see only one thing burning brightly in his eyes. One emotion, pure and true and clean. One emotion that Skye had never thought to see there ever again. Love. Nothing but love shone in his eyes as he stared at Skye. She shook her head, tears flowing softly.

"Jax, please don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't do this."

"Don't do what, Skye?"

Skye was silent for a moment before she said softly, "Please don't look at me like you still love me."

Jax eyed the woman in front of him, never breaking his gaze from hers. She was in so much pain. And she had done some horrible things, to a number of people, himself included. But, if Jax didn't know anything else, he realized that whatever negative consequences her actions had, Skye's motives had been based upon nothing but love. Her intent had never been one based on malice or negativity. For that reason alone, Jax knew that he still loved her. Now, getting her to believe that fact would be the tricky part.

Moving forward, Jax silenced Skye the only way he had ever truly known how to make her believe what he was saying. Raising his head up to hers, his lips brushed softly over hers. Already wet from her tears, Jax kissed the saltiness away as he started his movements slowly. Her bottom lip begged to be kissed, and so that was where Jax concentrated his efforts. Pulling at her, he was so tender in his ministrations that it nearly broke Skye's heart into a thousand different pieces. Coming up off of his knees, Jax pushed Skye's body down onto the bed. Their two bodies melded into one as her hands wrapped around his neck. Rolling over slowly so that she was not crushed under his weight, when they at last broke a part for air, he was pleased to see she was no longer crying. His hand coming up to brush a stray lock of her hair out of her face, he smiled.

"God help me, but I still love you, Skye."

"Jax, please..." she began in protest.

Placing a finger gently on her soft lips to silence her, Jax smiled. "I still love you, Skye. I still love you. I suppose I never stopped loving you. And I've tried to deny that and suppress those feelings since the last time I saw you in the cemetery. But, I just can't do it anymore. Hell, I'm not sure I ever even stopped. I love you."

"Jax-" Skye whispered.

His response was to pull her down on top of him. Reaching for another kiss, he whispered to her, "I just can't help myself. You're in my blood, like a damn narcotic. You're addictive, Skye. Too addictive."

"But, there is still so much I have to tell you," Skye whispered.

Jax shook his head. "It can wait. Whatever it is, it can wait."

"Jax-"

"Skye, shut up and let me make love to you," Jax said quietly, his voice coarse with desire. "Please, just for the next few hours, let's pretend that nothing's happened. We're together, and we can be happy if even for just a little bit of time. Just let me make love to you, Skye."

"But-"

"Let me love you, Skye. Let me love you."

Her resolve melting away, her hands came down to his shirt. She fumbled with the buttons, unused to undressing a man in the year and a half since she and Jax had last been together in the very bed they occupied now. In her impatience, she at last just gave the shirt a hasty pull. The buttons went flying everywhere as the white shirt gave way to reveal the bronzed skin that had haunted Skye's dreams for night after night for months.

For his part, Jax was busy of his own accord in trying to help Skye slip out of her sun dress. The zipper seemed to be stuck, but when Skye shifted to her right just a few inches, it seemed to come unstuck instantly. Pulling the zipper down all the way, Skye momentarily stopped in her own project of stripping Jax to raise her hands above her head. He helped pull the sun dress off of her in a matter of mere seconds, leaving her clad in a beautiful cream colored lace bra and matching panties. She was more lovely than he had ever remembered, to the point that he felt his breath disappear. His began to move of their own volition, and before either realized it, every single piece of Skye and Jax's clothing lay discarded and scattered on the floor.

Hesitancy and uncertainty soon gave way as the old lovers came together. Their intensity began to climb as the seconds passed. Each began to reacquaint themselves with the all too familiar body of the other that had become immortalized in their memories while time and distance parted them. For the first time in such a long time, some of the hurt that fate had inflicted upon both of them was soothed as they consummated their union once more.

The first time that Jax brought Skye to the point of physical release, it was as if they weight that had been placed upon her since the afternoon Dr. Kavira told her she was pregnant fell away with everything else that caused her trouble and discomfort in her life. With this man, in his arms, surrounded by his love, Skye truly felt as if nothing could hurt her ever again. She felt a burst of renewed and hopeful confidence. She finally believed that there was nothing that they couldn't overcome together.

A few hours passed, but both Skye and Jax were hesitant to sleep. Each feared when they woke they would come to realize what had just transpired between them would amount to nothing more than a dream. And so Skye remained locked in Jax's arms, and they talked, and then they made love. And then the cycle began all over again.

After the fourth time that they had come together, Skye turned so that she was laying curled against Jax. His hands came to rest on the flat concavity of her stomach. She smiled as his hands began to trace to scars that his eyes came to regard with curiosity.

"I don't remember you ever having these before," Jax whispered, as his finger went up and down the pale skin of Skye's stomach. "What are these?"

"Scars," Skye murmured.

"From what?"

"Sydney," Skye said.

"Sydney?" Jax asked curiously.

Skye nodded as a sigh of contentment escaped from her lips. Taking his hand in hers, she guided his finger over the larger scar first. "This one is from her delivery."

"You had to have a C-section?" Jax asked softly.

Skye nodded again. "I was in labor for eighteen hours with her, Jax. But, when she was an embryo, she didn't implant in my uterus. A normal delivery wasn't an option due to where the placenta attached in my abdominal cavity. A c-section was the only way to get her out and keep me from bleeding to death.."

"But it was a normal delivery, right? Everything was okay for you and her?"

Skye's eyebrows arched for a moment as she frowned. Jax noticed and asked, "What?"

Skye looked away for a split second before she turned her head back to him and shook her head. "Her delivery went fine, but, there were complications for me."

"Complications?" Jax asked with concern.

Skye nodded. "I started to hemorrhage and… well, let's just say I lost a lot of blood in a lot of time. I think I coded once or twice. But, five transfusions later, I woke up and AJ was there telling me about my beautiful baby girl."

"Skye, I am so sorry," Jax said softly. "I am so sorry I wasn't there with you. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone."

"I didn't," Skye replied with a smile. "Like I said, A.J. was with me the entire time. He... he even did the one thing that got me to continue to fight for Sydney when I was so tired and in so much pain that I wanted to give up in the delivery."

"What was that?" Jax asked.

Turning her head, she reached for his lips. When the broke a part, she smiled and said, "That bastard told me that if I wouldn't fight for my baby and do it for her sake than that I had to do it for you. He told me to do it for you because I owed you that much at least."

"Oh, Skye..."

"And he was right," Skye whispered.

Reaching up, Jax gave her another kiss. When they broke a part again, Jax's finger came and traced the smaller scar. "And what about this one?"

Skye sighed. "That's a bit of a longer story."

"We've got time," Jax said.

"The short version?"

"All right."

"When my pregnancy was first diagnosed, it was termed as an ectopic pregnancy, Jax."

"What's that?"

"It means that the embryo doesn't implant in the uterus. It implants somewhere else that is shouldn't. Like the fallopian tubes, or, in my case, the abdominal cavity."

"Why?"

Skye shrugged. "There are lots of different reasons. It just depends on the case."

"And in yours?"

Skye bit her lip as she said, "You remember I told you I had a problem with alcohol for a long time?"

Jax nodded.

"When I was very young, I got drunk one night and was stupid enough to get into a car. I smashed it into a tree, and the end results were internal injuries so bad that I was told I would never had children."

"But, you proved them wrong," Jax said with a smile.

"Sydney proved them wrong," Skye corrected. "My uterus had too much scar tissue to have a normal pregnancy form there of its own accord. That is why the fetus implanted in the abdominal cavity."

"Meaning?"

Skye sighed softly as she shook her head. "Meaning, that is what put all of it into motion, Jax. I was told I would have to abort the pregnancy or it would terminate of its own volition when the fetus grew to large for the area it was inhabiting in my body. I was told if that happened, I would like die of hemorrhaging myself. And, during her delivery, I almost did."

Jax sat up on his arms. He looked at her with concern blazing in his eyes. He nodded slowly, comprehension at last dawning, "And that's why you never told me. You didn't have the strength to kill our child and were afraid I would have to watch you both die."

Skye merely nodded. She forced a smile before she continued, "More than 98% of all ectopic pregnancies end in either the death of the fetus or the mother or both, Jax. I just couldn't watch you lose more people that you love."

"And the 2%? What about them?" Jax asked.

Skye shook head her slowly. "Experimental drugs and radical surgical procedures."

"Meaning?"

"I had to try something, Jax. Anything to fight for our child. And so I went on the drugs to aid her development outside the uterus that would increase my chances of being able to carry her almost near to term if I was lucky." Skye paused for a second, unsure of how much of the truth she could tell to Jax. At last she decided there had been enough lies. "The drugs worked, Jax. Odds against odds, they worked. I was able to carry her almost to term. She came about a week early, six or seven days before my due date. But, close enough so that she was perfect when she came out. That's why I call Sydney my miracle..."

"But?" Jax prodded as he hesitantly waited for the other shoe to drop.

Skye sighed, "But the drugs had side effects."

"What kind of side effects?" Jax asked.

"The drugs, combined with the stress on my system from the pregnancy itself were too much for my kidneys. It damaged my left kidney beyond repair." Skye was silent before she added, "I have never told anyone the truth about this. Even Carly... and she knows all my secrets... I told her the kidney damage was from the initial car accident all those years ago. The truth of the matter is, the drugs did it to my system. I was told it was a possibility, but it seemed a small price to pay for Sydney's life."

Jax shook his head slightly. "What does it all mean, Skye?"

"I'm at risk for kidney failure anytime, Jax," Skye said softly. "That's why I gave Sydney to A.J. and Carly after she was born. I was in the hospital for two months going through dialysis and taking God knows how many drugs more drugs. I knew I could die, that I probably was going to die, and I didn't want Sydney to have to go throw what I did in having a whacked out family life as a child. I knew A.J. and Carly could give her what I couldn't,"

"And me, Skye? What about me?" Jax asked quietly.

Biting her lip, Skye said, "I knew that if you knew about Sydney, it wouldn't be enough for you. You would still come looking for me, and would have to watch me die. I couldn't have you go through that again, Jax."

"Skye..."

"Jax, please. I am not telling you any of this to make you feel sorry for me."

"Then why?"

"I am telling you because you need to know. A.J. and Carly decided that Sydney belongs with her real parents. With the new baby coming, I think they took it as a sign from fate as agreement with their plans. They are still going to be a part of her life, but they want Sydney to be with us," Skye said.

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" Jax asked.

Skye merely nodded. "There are so many screwed up things in my life right now… in our lives. But I want to try to fix what I can. There are no guarantees about my health. But, being in your arms again... being with you has made me realize that life is just too short. We have to take the joyous experiences where we can find them." She smiled as she gave his words back to him from a life time ago.

"Joyous experiences, ehh? Are you offering me a joyous experience, Ms. Chandler-Quartermaine?" Jax whispered in her ear, as he pulled her close.

Skye grinned. "I'll do my best."

Rolling on top of Jax, sliding down the length of his body, she looked down into his eyes with nothing but the purity of her emotions showing. "I love you, Jasper Jax. No matter what happens, always remember that."

Morning came far too quickly for Jax. When he awoke, he felt like a new man. Stretching out in the bed, he was momentarily surprised when he reached for Skye and found nothing but cold bed space.

"Skye?" he called, thinking perhaps she was in the bathroom.

Getting up, he reached down onto the floor for his pants. He was surprised to see them all gathered and neatly folded in a pile on a nearby chair. Reaching for them, his eyebrows quirked in curiosity, he pulled them on quickly. Checking the bathroom and the terrace, he saw no trace of Skye.

Guessing that perhaps she went to check on Sydney, Jax headed towards the nursery. His heart dropped when he saw his daughter peacefully sleeping in her crib, and next to her sat an envelope with his name on it.

Reaching for the envelope, he immediately recognized Skye's handwriting. He lifted the envelope to his nose and shuddered slightly as he caught a faint whiff of her perfume. Opening it slowly, inside he found three pieces of paper. The first one that caught his attention was an official looking document. He eyed it curiously before he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birth certificate.

Scanning it, he felt his heart twist as he read the words.

NAME: Sydney Jayna Jacks.

BORN: June 16th, 2002 - Sydney, Australia.

MOTHER: Antoinette Skye Chandler-Quartermaine.

FATHER: Jasper Jacks.

Jax felt his throat tighten as he realized that Skye had been telling his the truth last night. All of it. She had indeed never stopped loving him. She had listed him on the birth certificate. Sydney wasn't a Quartermaine, despite what everyone believed. She was his daughter, and Skye had acknowledged that from the beginning.

"Skye..." Jax whispered as he flipped to the second sheet of paper.

This one he could see was a note.

It was simple in what it stated.

Jax-

Come the morning light, I thought maybe both of us had just shared the same wonderful dream. But, then I realized better. Last night was indeed real, very real. I meant what I said. And contrary to what my absence may seem to you, it does not mean that I was lying when we were together last night. I meant every word I said. I am not running from you. Last night was about beginnings, not endings. What we did fixed something I thought once broken beyond repair. I know better now. However, the choice for me to stay with you and our daughter is no longer mine to make right now. Believe in me when I say that I love you and I love Sydney more than you can know. I leave now, not because I want to, but because I have to… not for me, but for someone else. I must do a daughter's duty and will soon return. Please don't try to look for me. I promise you on the life of our daughter and the love out of which she was created, I will come to you both when I am able. I love you.

~Skye

Tears in his eyes, befuddled and confused, Jax stared at the last piece of paper in the envelope. It was different from the other two in that it was mere notebook paper. Again, Jax recognized Skye's scribblings. The paper was a mess, words scratched out here and there. Looking closely, he tried to make out what was originally there.

It read:

"Once there was darkness, but in your arms I am surrounded by light. Safety, happiness, love. And then I woke up from such a beautiful dream and realized that the only truth could be found hidden in the shadows of what once was and may never be again.-"

However, going done farther, Jax could see the more recently added lines in Skye's handwriting, different in the ink that was there. These lines were not crossed out, and Jax could read them as plain as day.

The revised version read:

"Once there was darkness, but in your arms I am surrounded by light. Safety, happiness, love. And then I realized that the only truth I need or care out comes out of that beautiful dream which we share together. Hidden in the shadows of what once was for so long, now it awaits us in the creation of that which is new and whole. That which is and will always be-"

Tears streaming down his eyes, Jax clutched the paper to his chest, unsure of what the day would bring or why fate had given him just one night before cruelly taking away the one thing that he had ever wanted most in the world.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me. One additional thought – this chapter was the original ending of the initial version of "Beyond Repair." An unfinished sequel, called "Biding Time" followed the events of the story. However, because there really is no purpose to it, I have decided to incorporate the events of that story as additional chapters in this story, and finally, finish the tale. Just FYI. The remaining three chapters, thus, were originally of that story.

* * *

><p>"How can I tell you that which I still don't know for sure myself. Uncertainty –hesitation - loyalties divided? For so long I have remained hidden, never living up to expectations. And now the time comes for a choice to be made, and I'm frightened. I still love you too much to admit it, despite everything you did or have not done.-"<p>

Skye Chandler-Quartermaine put the pen down on her journal, a journal no longer perhaps, as she continued to write to both Jax and Sydney within its pages..

She had been in such a hurry to pack, under the added pressure of doing so in silence so as not to wake Jax, she had not realized her journal was still in her purse from her initial flight from Port Charles to Australia. Three days had passed. Just three. And her life had changed so much in the blink of an eye. Yet, despite everything that had happened, here she was just as she had begun her journey, playing with lines of poetry in her journal that mirrored the inner turmoil of her emotion. From the depths of her heart, from the one place where raw emotion flowed from her soul, pure and untouched, the words came.

Shaking slightly, Skye looked at the watch on her arm.

"Almost there," Skye whispered to herself. "Almost-"

She almost said home. But she didn't have a home there anymore. She was leaving her home to return to that place that had never, ever felt like a home to her. Not that she considered Australia a home, but Jax and Sydney. They were her home, and since they were not where she was going, that place was not her home.

Words were echoing through her mind as she recalled the phone call that had sent her on her way….

*"You have to come, Skye. I know you never wanted to come back here again, but he's too weak to come to you. He needs you. He doesn't have much time left, and he's asking for you. Please. Please say you'll come before it's too late..."*

Reaching down, Skye clutched the pearl she was still wearing around her neck. Once again, it was the sole reminder of Jax that she had brought with her.

"Jax, I promise. I still love you. No matter what. I still love you. And I didn't run. I swear, I am not running. I swear. My hand was forced. What else could I honestly do?" Skye muttered to herself as she continued to shake.

The image of him sleeping brought her solace. Watching Jax sleep, Skye had realized that it was finally done. She had tried her damnedest to destroy everything that lay between them. That one pure thing in her life that had once been such a gift, had been shattered into a million pieces. And Jax was right even though he had never said as much. Skye had done it all. Skye had done it willingly. She admitted that. What they had had before was beyond repair.

But, last night, in his arms they had swept away all that lay broken between them and begun to build something new, something better only to have the foundation snatched away from Skye with the ring of a telephone.

One final thud told her the plane had landed.

"And so it begins," Skye said softly as she unclasped her seat belt, and exited the plane.

* * *

><p>-TBC-<p> 


	21. Chapter 21

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

A/N: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me. One additional thought – this chapter was the original ending of the initial version of "Beyond Repair." An unfinished sequel, called "Biding Time" followed the events of the story. However, because there really is no purpose to leaving that story unfinished as a separate tale, I have decided to incorporate the events of that story as additional chapters in this story, and finally, finish the tale. Just FYI. The remaining three chapters, thus, were originally of that story.

* * *

><p>Slipping the key into the lock, Jasper Jacks juggled the items he held in one hand while his other hand attempted to turn the door knob. Immediately, a high pitched squeal emanated from a few feet behind him. His head quickly turned in the direction of the noise, a look of concern illuminating his blue eyes.<p>

"Syd!"

The distinct *thump-thump* of two little feet came clearly to Jax's ears followed by another high pitched squeal.

"Syd, come here, sweetie."

"No!" came the defiant reply.

Sighing to himself, Jax pushed the door open and immediately put his keys down on a nearby bookcase shelf. Flipping the lights on, he immediately dropped the bags he was clutching in his other hand before he turned back to the hallway outside his penthouse. Placing his hands on his hips, Jax stared at the little imp of a devil that was mimicking him. Her hands placed on her own hips, she stood defiantly staring back at him with his own eyes.

"Syd, come on. Get over here. We're home."

"No," the little girl said again.

"Sydney, come here," Jax said as he narrowed his eyes at his young daughter.

The little girl stared at the man in front of her assessing what her chances were of winning this showdown. She was an amazingly intelligent child for all of her eighteen months of age. But despite how much had transpired during her short life, she still remained a baby in many ways.

"No," the little girl said for a third time.

Shaking his head, Jax moved forward. He swiftly grabbed the child as she attempted to make a run for it on unsteady legs.

"Why is it still a surprise to me that 'no' was your first word? Not 'momma' or 'dada', but 'no?" Jax said as he hauled Sydney up into his arms. She stared at Jax, squinting her eyes at him as she gave him a look that tugged at his heartstrings. Although it was a pair of his own eyes staring back at him, the look was nothing but something that Sydney had inherited solely from her mother. Her look was a look Jax knew well, a look that was pure Skye in its nature. Jax marveled at Sydney's ability to mimic her mother despite the fact that the child had only been around her for a total of four days her entire life.

"Nice try," he said at last to his young daughter as he walked them both into the penthouse. Shutting the door behind them, he planted a kiss on her head. Jax then added, "But you're going to have to do better than that to get one over on me, Syd. There's only one person on this earth that has ever been successful, and you have a long way to go before you get as good as your mother is..."

Setting the squirming toddler on the ground, Jax laughed to himself as Sydney immediately headed for the overstuffed black leather couch on the opposite side of the room in a blur of red pigtails. She was beginning to look so much like Skye that it was becoming painful to look at her anytime without thinking of her mother; his lost lover and his lost love.

Thus, it was no surprise that as Sydney began to haul herself up onto the couch that Jax couldn't help but glance out the window as he finished his thought, '...where ever she is.'

"Jax? Is that you?" a voice called from the back of the penthouse.

Looking up to the sound of the voice, Sydney immediately squealed as she gave up in her efforts to climb onto the couch. Her feet went pounding against the hard wood floor of the living room as she hurtled herself at the legs of the woman who had spoken. Jax couldn't help himself but grin as the woman smiled and picked Sydney up. Giving her a big hug, the woman said, "There's my little imp!"

"Gamma Rae!" Sydney shrieked. Jax's daughter laughed as Rae Cummings gave her a kiss of the cheek before setting her down on the ground. Sydney immediately hurled herself in Jax's general direction, attacking his closest leg. "Da, Gamma Rae! Gamma Rae! Gamma Rae!" she shrieked.

Picking his daughter up, as she had tightly latched her arms around Jax's leg and effectively made it very difficult for him to move, Jax couldn't help himself as he laughed at his daughter's reactions. "I see it's Grandma Rae, Syd. But remember what we talked about? Keeping the screams to an ear-piercing level only when we're inside?"

However, Sydney's excitement couldn't be contained as she began to fight against being in Jax's tight grip. Moving to closer to Rae, Jax bent in and gave her a peck on the cheek by way of greeting. "Hello, Rae."

Rae smiled at the exuberance of her young granddaughter. Sydney was still struggling against Jax's grasp as her head began to spin around in every direction as she took in all that was going on around her. Rae laughed as she found Sydney becoming frustrated by Jax's tight hold on her. The little girl was quickly traveling the line from shrieking and squealing to outright yelling as Jax refused to put her down.

"Da!" she screamed.

"Syd, I am not letting you down until you calm down and be a good girl like we talked about," Jax said, smiling at Rae.

Rae shook her head with a smile still on her face. "What did you give her? Too much caffeine in her bottle?"

"I wish," Jax said as Sydney continued to squirm. "Unfortunately, ever since we took off from the Bahamas, she has been wired. She got off her normal napping schedule, and it hasn't been calm for a moment since."

"Da!" came the shriek again.

"Sydney, cut it out," Jax said as he shifted his daughter from one arm to the other. By this time, the little girl was fighting tiredly against Jax's hold. A few more seconds passed before she finally gave up and lay quiet in her father's arms, the fight finally gone out of her.

Going to sit down on the couch, Jax watched Rae as she sat down next to him. With Sydney at last resting, Rae asked softly, "I take it the trip didn't go as you were expecting?"

Jax shook his head slowly before he added, "I don't think she was ever really there, Rae. I think it may have just been a red herring... someone sending us on a wild goose chase for some reason."

"I'm so sorry, Jax. I know how much you were hoping that it was Skye," Rae said.

"I know. I am too," Jax said, an all-too-familiar knot forming in his throat whenever he thought of, let alone spoke of, the woman he loved - Rae's daughter and Sydney's mother.

Thus, it was with a curiosity that Jax was grateful for given the distraction it offered that he watched Rae reach for an envelope and hand it to him.

"I may have some good news though," Rae said.

As Rae passed it to Jax, he saw a familiar scrawl on the front of the envelope that set his heart racing.

Rae took a breath before speaking softly, "This came in the mail yesterday, Jax. I would have told you when you called last night, but I didn't want to get your hopes up needlessly. It's addressed to you, so I haven't opened it yet. There's no return address on it, but… but, I-I think it's from Skye."

Reaching for the envelope, Jax was slightly surprised to find his hands trembling. Rae looked on in concern. She placed one of her own hands on his to steady his grasp.

Smiling, she said, "It's okay, Jax. Just take a deep breath."

Nodding his head, Jax took the breath as Rae had suggested. She was such a calming influence on anyone whom she was near. He thanked God that she had come into his life when she had. Looking up at her, Jax was able to regain some measure of control. Gripping the envelope firmly, he said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Rae questioned.

Shrugging, Jax said, "I know you must be anxious to know if it's from..."

His voice trailed off. Although he thought about her all the time, rarely did he mention Skye by name. It simply hurt too much. Initially, Rae had been tempted to follow suit. She missed her daughter as much as Jax did, but unlike Jax, she had eventually been able to separate her emotions so that decisions that needed to be made could be made as quickly and painlessly as possible for everyone involved.

Thus, it was with this in mind that Rae prompted Jax, "It is from Skye?"

Jax was silent for a moment before he slowly nodded his head. "Yeah."

Laughing, a laugh of glee, Rae said, "This is good news."

"Is it?" Jax said, looking up at her.

"If Skye wrote it… I can't see how it can't be," Rae said.

Flashing him her dazzling smile to reinforce the words she told him, little did Jax know how well Rae was hiding what she was truly feeling. When the letter had initially arrived in the mail, it had sat in a pile of letters and bills that she usually went through in the evenings during commercials of the evening news. Thus, it had been a true shock when she saw the letter and recognized the handwriting - so much so that she had almost fallen out of her chair as surprise overwhelmed her and hope blossomed in her heart simultaneously. Like much of what her beloved daughter did in her life, the letter had come out of the blue, just like the call from Skye that had sent Rae into Jax's life a little over six months before.

Biting her lip, her daughter's last conversation to her was something that Rae played over and over in her head each day when she awoke and each night before she went to bed. Rae did so with the hope that maybe, just maybe, she might be able to glimmer some clue as to where her daughter had gone, why she had done so, and most importantly, what was keeping her away from her baby daughter and the man she loved.

* * *

><p>"Hello, Rae Cummings."<p>

"Mom?"

"Skye? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me, Mom."

"Darling, what a wonderful surprise this is! It's been so long since I heard from you."

"Yeah, I know. And I'm sorry about that. It's been of a rough span of months."

"Oh, sweetie. Is there anything I can do?"

"Well, now that you mention it, there actually is something that you could do for me."

"Name it."

"I need your help, Mom."

"What can I do, Skye?"

"I've of gotten myself into a some trouble..."

"Are you all right, Skye?"

"Yeah, I am, but I need your help, Mom. I wouldn't ask unless there were any other possibility, and I know it's kind of short notice, but is there anyway that you can come to Port Charles?"

"I'll be there tonight. But, Skye – you didn't answer my question. Are you in trouble?"

"No, Mom... no… not really. But, like I said, I do need your help."

"Tell me what you need me to do."

"Just come to Port Charles. I really can't talk about it over the phone."

"All right. Where shall I meet you?"

"Do you have a pencil? I can give you the address of my penthouse. I would meet you when you landed… but I just can't get away right now… it's just not a possibility."

"All... all right. Do you want me to call you when I land?"

"Ahhh, yeah... sure. Or, better yet. Why don't you give me a call when you get to the penthouse? I can give you a cell phone number..."

* * *

><p>And in the end, that had been the last time Rae had heard her daughter's voice. When she arrived in Port Charles and dialed the number Skye had given her, it had been Jax's voice that answered the phone. Sending her mother to Jax and Sydney had been Skye's last interaction with either of them. At first, when Rae and Jax tried to figure out the confusing reasoning behind Skye's actions, it had taken quite some time to piece together the puzzle. Indeed, by the time they had finished putting together what little information they had, there were still more huge, gaping wholes than pieces put together in the puzzle to reveal what little bit of the picture they could actually see.<p>

In the end, Jax had told Rae all that had happened in Australia. He told her of Skye's unplanned and unexpected pregnancy - of the damage that had been done to Skye's body due to the drugs that she had had to take to care the baby to term - of Sydney's birth and how she had been raised for the first six months of her life by A.J. and Carly - of the lies and deception that Skye had fabricated to keep him from finding out - and most importantly, of the one night that Jax and Skye had come together where they had cleared away all the lies and mistrust…. of the one night when Jax thought he and Skye had begun to build something new and something wondrous out of the wreckage of their old lives… of the one night where Jax and Skye had come together bonded to each other forever by their daughter and their love. And, lastly, Jax had told Rae of that final morning - that final morning when Jax had awakened expecting to find Skye safely nestled beside him, but instead had found only a cold and empty space.

Gone - the only things she had left him were the memories of their last night together, a baby daughter that he barely knew, and a note that offered little explanation or justification for actions that he took to mean that she was once again running away… from them… from their family… from it all, despite the fact she had promised to do the exact opposite not all that long before…..

The words of the note had been burned into his memory. Perhaps the most prophetic were the ones that he now heard clearly in his head as Jax fingered the envelope.

-_I am not running from you. But, the choice for me to stay with you and our daughter is no longer mine to make right now. Believe in me when I say that I love you and love Sydney. Please don't try to look for me I must do a daughter's duty… but, I promise… I *PROMISE* you… I will come back as soon as my obligation is fulfilled.._-

Six months had gone by, and still she hadn't come home… hadn't come back to him, to their family. But, now, out of the blue, here was a letter. Jax eyed it for a moment, oblivious to Rae's presence in the room as he contemplated all that the one enveloped symbolized. It either contained words of hope in the promise of her imminent return or words that would be sure to damn them all forever if it was Skye's choice to stay separated from him and Sydney.

Taking a deep breath, his decision at last made, Jax tore open the envelope. The contents spilled out into his lap. A flash of silver was the first to catch Jax's attention while a scrap of paper floated to the ground. Tears stung his eyes as he reached for what he immediately recognized as an all too familiar silver chain with a single pearl on it. Blinking back his tears, Jax turned away from Rae.

However, she could no longer stand the suspense, as she prodded, "Jax, what is it? Is it from Skye? Is it"

Choking back a sob, Jax said softly, "Yeah, it's from Skye."

Pain and grief tearing him a part, Jax stood and ignored the scrap of paper. Instead, he was clutching at the pearl, holding it tightly in his hands. However, Rae could contain herself anymore and wait for Jax. Reaching down onto the ground, she grabbed the piece of paper that had fallen from the envelope when Jax had taken the necklace in his hands. Written on the small slip of paper was a single sentence. She read it to herself, but it made no sense. Raising her eyes, she saw Jax was eying her.

He nodded slowly. "What does it say?"

Rae pursed her lips. She then shook her head as she said, "It's a Latin inscription, I think. It's been a while, but I think it says '_A Ab Abs Amor Aeternus Eternus_'. I'm almost positive that it is Skye's handwriting…. But, I have no clue what the inscription means though."

"With love everlasting," Jax said softly as he took the piece of paper and turned from Rae so that she would not see him shedding the tears he could no longer contain.

Having recomposed himself, Jax at last turned to Rae's questioning stare. Moving to her, Jax handed her the silver chain with it's lone pearl adorning it. She stared at him with confusion plainly written on her face.

Sitting down, he clasped his hands tightly in his lap as he said softly, "This was the last thing that I ever gave Skye. I gave it to her..." His voice trailed off as Jax contemplated how detailed her should be with Rae. Deciding at last the less was best, he finished, "I gave it to her the morning after the last night we spent together before Sydney was born."

"And she's kept it with her all this time?" Rae prompted.

Jax nodded. He bit his lip before he further explained, "She always wore it." He stopped as he smiled bitterly before continuing. "She... she said she always would wear it to have some piece of me with her even when we weren't together."

At that moment, a pair of light feet came pounding on the wooden floor. Jax barely noticed as Sydney came bouncing up to his legs, her favorite book clutched in her arms.

"Da?"

Jax looked down absentmindedly as he pondered how to continue with Rae. Letting his hand ruffle her hair, he said, "Not now, Syd."

"Da!" Sydney said, annoyed at being ignored.

His attention drawn at her loud voice, Jax frowned as he looked at his daughter. "Syd, not now, okay? Be a good girl, and go play in your room."

"Da!"

Loosing his patience, Jax snapped, "Sydney, go to your room. Now, please!"

Pouting, Sydney stuck out her tongue once before stomping off in the direction of her nursery. When silence had settled back across the room, Jax looked up at Rae and continued his tale.

Holding out the scrap of paper on to Jax, Rae asked, "And this?"

Taking the paper from her, Jax repeated the inscription. "'_A Ab Abs Amor Aeternus Eternus_'. You're right. It's Latin. The rough translation means 'with love everlasting.'"

"Okay," said Rae. "Does that mean anything to you?"

Jax nodded again. He couldn't help himself as he crumpled the fragment of paper in his hand. He then looked up at Rae and said, "It was the inscription that Skye selected to put on the tombstone for the baby when she had me believing our daughter had dead. When Skye… made me think that she had terminated the pregnancy, she went to the trouble of having a false tombstone made for the baby. She had the name Jayna Jacks put on it with this inscription. The very last time I saw her before Sydney's birth was when she had gone to the cemetery. I don't know why she was there, but I had gone to put flowers on the grave. We ran into each other and said some very harsh things."

"Such as?" Rae asked softly.

Jax bit his lip as silence descended over the pair. At long last, he responded so softly that it was in choked whisper. "I told her that I had loved her even though I had never told her before. I told her that… maybe all the pain and suffering we were both going through would have never happened if I had been more honest in sharing my feelings with her. I told her that I was sorry… so sorry."

He stopped as he felt the knot in his throat tighten again.

Rae leaned over and gently placed a hand on his. "Go on," she said softly.

"And I told her that she was able to do the one thing I didn't think anybody could do. I told her that she had broke what I didn't think could be broken. I told her..." Jax's voice trailed off as he fought against the emotions that were wrecking hell in his brain and in his heart. Standing, he abruptly began to pace as he shook his head in defiance, "No… I-I-I…nut none of that matters anymore. We got through that the night I found out the truth about Sydney, Rae. We worked through all of it..."

Looking down at the necklace in her hand, Jax stopped. He sighed as he said, "Or, at least, I thought we had."

"Why would she have sent it, Jax? What can it mean?" Rae said.

Jax shook his head. "I don't know, Rae. I just don't know anymore. Unless..."

He looked up at Rae, raising his blue eyes to hers. She looked at him quizzically.

"Unless what?"

"Unless, it means one of two things," Jax said softly.

"Such as?"

Nodding at the necklace, he said, "Either Skye is in trouble and this is her way of letting me know..."

"Or?" Rae asked with concern.

Jax was silent a little longer as he said, "Or, it means that Skye isn't coming back. It's her way of saying good-bye..."

At that precise second, a scream pierced through the air. Jax was on his feet in an instant as he and Rae both cried out at the same time "Sydney!"

* * *

><p>A soft whimpering came from a bed that was set next to a large and beautiful bay window. The window panes had been opened to let the wonderful summer weather stream inside and brighten what was an already insipidly sickly room. Despair and illness clung to every corner of the room, and it was hoped that by allowing the summer breeze to flow freely through the windows that perhaps some of that melancholy, which weighed down the room's very air, would be swept out clean. It was early afternoon, and still the sole occupant of the bed by the window slept. She slept when she could if one could really call the drug-induced periods of slumber sleep. Too physically weak to protest, but too mentally strong to succumb, it was in this unhappy medium that the woman fought for her very several.<p>

A cool breeze was playing across her very skin now while the warm light of the sun would have reminded her of happier times had she been conscious. The air was pungent with the sweetness of pine and sap while the chirping of birds outside and the neat little tinkling of a metallic wind chime could be heard faintly in the distance.

Continuing the restless call out to empty space, the pitiful mewling would and had broken even the most stout of hearts in this place where people came to die. For four months the woman had occupied the bed - sometimes doing better, most times doing worse. She had round the clock care and the best of all that money could buy with the exception of visitors. Only one visitor ever came to see her, and he himself was confined to an electric wheelchair. Every Tuesday he would come, between 3 and 4 o'clock in the afternoon. The ritual never varied. He would come in the door, steer the wheelchair as close to her bed as he could, and just sit… just staring at her… watching her. Neither were capable of much speech most time, and so the only contact the young woman had was in the intense gazes the older man heaped upon her. The pain that shone in his eyes every time he looked upon her sickly body, the same body that was fading a little more each week, was easy to discern. And, perhaps that was what made the intense looks all the more surprising… given *his* identity… and hers.

The identities of the individuals for whom the woman called out were virtually unknown. The old man did; that much was for sure. Perhaps, somehow, someway… the nurse in charge of the young woman's case had discovered the truth. Some outsiders guessed that the nurse, at least, had an inkling. A young woman herself of about twenty-eight, the nurse was the woman's sole friend and confidant in all the time the young woman had been confined to a bed and dependent on machines to keep her alive. Perhaps it was merely sympathy for the trials the young woman was undergoing that the nurse felt such a tight sense of devotion and loyalty to her. Or, perhaps, it was because…. once upon a time, the nurse had been EXACTLY where the young woman was, in the *exact* same position… abandoned by all her loved ones and confined physically to a place while her conscious mind dreamt and remembered far away places, happier times.

Coming in to check the sleeping woman, the nurse was surprised when she gazed upon what was happening. Flicking her gaze towards her wrist, she looked at her watch. For a split second, she had somehow misread the schedule when she saw the old man sitting there in his wheelchair watching the fretful redhead twisting and slightly shaking in the bed. Tears were in his eyes and threatened to fall as he stared at the woman. However, as soon as the nurses' presence was registered, the tears disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. Turning the wheel chair around, the old man nodded at the nurse.

"Sir," the nurse said with a firm nod and sympathetic smile.

The old man grunted once by way of acknowledging her greeting, and on one of the few occasions she had ever heard him speak, his raspy voice said, "She wasn't always like this, you know."

"Yes, sir," the nurse nodded.

Flicking his head downward, the old man gestured towards his lap. The nurse was surprised when she saw a single dusky pink rose sitting amidst a cluster of ferns and baby's breath. He then said, "Make sure she sees this when she wakes up."

"Yes, sir," the nurse responded again.

"It's her birthday today," the old man said. "I don't know how, but somehow she made it to her birthday."

The nurse reached for the flower and held it close to her chest as she nodded in agreement. Venturing boldly, the nurse then said, "She has a remarkable spirit, sir. I've never met anyone who is as passionate an individual as she was... errr… *is*, sir. She fights so hard to hang on, when I have seen many people in positions much better than hers give up in much shorter periods of time."

"That's my Skye for you," the old man said with the hint of a smile. "Always the fighter."

Turning his head back in her direction as Skye continued to fret in her troubled sleep, the old man nodded once by way of good-bye to her and then nodded to the nurse. With a flick of the switch, the old man disappeared through the doorway. Going to the table near the bed, the nurse's glance went to the respirator controls to make sure everything was operating as it should. Satisfied, the woman looked for the empty crystal vase and situated the lovely pink rose in water. When she had set the vase where Skye would be sure to see it when she woke up, she nodded in satisfaction.

Looking at her watch once more, the nurse realized it was time to continue her rounds as she shook her head wistfully at Skye's continued mutterings. For some time whenever Skye slept, she had taken to muttering the same to things over and over again. The first was indiscernible, but the second… the *second* mumbling the nurse and the old man both had been all too easy to identify.

Despite everything he had done to her, Skye stilled called in her sleep for someone named 'Jax.'

Shaking her head at the sadness of it all, the nurse exited the room. Closing the door behind her, the nurse sighed as she whispered, "How could you do this to her, Jax? How could you?"

* * *

><p>It was a funny thing.<p>

Whenever she was just about to fall asleep, she would silently pray that she would stay awake so that perhaps, just perhaps, she might think of some way to fight her way out of the mess in which she had found herself.

There had to be someway out, after all. In Skye Chandler-Quartermaine's mind there was no such thing as a no-win scenario. If you thought about the problem long enough and hard enough, a solution would somehow present itself. Skye refused to think of anything else…any type of admitting failure as even being a remote possibility. She couldn't, for if she did, that would be conceding that defeat was not only a probability, but, in reality, most likely a certainty. And, if there was one thing in Skye's life that she refused to tolerate, it was losing. Anger, lies, betrayal... those were things she could deal with. One way or another, she could handle things like that. But, losing... that was another matter all together. She couldn't stomach losing; it made her sick… physically ill. She hated to lose because the only people who lost were losers. And if there was one thing Skye did not see herself as… she knew she was *not* a loser.

She was a Quartermaine by blood, wasn't she? Edward's granddaughter, Alan's daughter, and A.J.'s sister no matter how hard people had tried to deny it. Ruthless and cutthroat in business, but able to be loyal and understanding and tender and possessing an ability to trust were the traits she had garnered most from the Quartermaines. Edward had taken excellent material and honed it into the hardheaded business woman that Skye had become since coming to Port Charles. Alan had shown her that, no matter what had happened in the past, it was the events of the past that forged relationships that allowed people to be loyal to her… and… maybe… perhaps even understand her, understand the way she thought and the reasons she did the things she did, just because of where she had come from. And from A.J., Skye had learned about tenderness. Tenderness and trust had been the gifts she had taken from A.J. With her brother, Skye had learned that she could indeed be emotionally responsive and genuine in the sharing of her feelings without fear of attack and the pain that inevitably came with it prior to the relationship she had developed with her brother. And, most importantly, l from A.J., Skye had learned to trust - learned to rely on someone else to guard her back without expectancy of anything more in return than an acknowledging nod or a kind smile.

But Skye was a Chandler by upbringing. None other than the mighty Adam Chandler had been the man who had raised her. He had taught her to value the same things he did, think the same way he did, react the same way he did... in all honesty, he had brought Skye up in his own image. He had been the one to teach Skye that losing was not only an option, but also totally unacceptable. And, in that lesson, Skye had further garnered the value of traits like persistence and the ability to take pride pursuing accomplishments when all others had deemed them totally unachievable and thus not worth attempting. In that Skye had gained the precious knowledge that some times… some times you had to not only fight to lose, but also to fight to win… and either way, you could only prevent one or achieve the other by hard work.

And it had been that knowledge that had brought Skye had come damn close to being a Jacks by choice. The magnificent Jasper Jacks had almost been hers. He had been within her grasp, so close that Skye could have reached out and grabbed him. Despite all that had happened between them, she still valued what he had taught her - the value of honesty and faith and respectability. No matter what had happened between them, those would always be things that no one could ever take away from her. From Jax, Skye had learned that she could change if she really wanted to…. that the person whom she was yesterday, or, even today for that matter, need not be the same person who stared back at her in the mirror tomorrow. And, perhaps that was her most valuable gift, when coupled with the others…. Skye had realized that if she were persistent and worked hard enough and was honest in doing it, she could change the state of things.

So, it was with this attitude in mind that Skye fought to seek the appropriate solution to her problems. But, since this process could only be done when conscious, the inability ti think resulted in Skye's fear of sleeping. It was such a waste of time when the few remaining hours of her life were ticking away. Skye felt wasteful and unproductive spending that time doing something as mundane as sleeping. And, so, she fought against it. She fought against falling into the arms of Morpheus, fought with every fiber of her being to remain awake.

However, when Skye finally *did* sleep, she was at odds with herself as she never wanted to wake up again. In her sleep, Skye found her only refuge. Happy memories were played out over and over again in her mind, most times leading her imagination to help create new happy dreams. Not only happy dreams, but hopeful dreams.

Skye would often find herself back in Australia, back on the beach at twilight, in those months before she had become pregnant with her daughter. She would be happy and carefree and enjoying the love and attentions of a man who truly cared for her - a man whom she thought had loved her for whom she was, flaws and all – knew who and what she was and still wanted her nonetheless. Other times, she would find herself still in Australia, but in the house that had become a focal point and site of so many cataclysmic events in her life - the conception of her child; her persuasion of Carly to help her fake a betrayal of Jax; the last night she and Jax had spent together before Sydney's birth; the first time Skye ever held her daughter; the moments of truth that came in her telling all to Jax of all that had happened despite her schemes to cover up what had really happened; and, most importantly, and, perhaps, most painfully, the last time she and Jax had ever made love.

These dreams brought Skye solace because sometimes they seemed so real, it was almost as if her her waking hours… when she realized that she was lying inert in a hospital bed, hooked up to various machines that kept her alive… that reality was actually the nightmare. Much like the times she spent in the hospital when she was still carrying her daughter, and in the months after Sydney's birth when she had been in recovery, Skye sometimes had a hard time distinguishing between what was real and what wasn't…. But, what made her current predicament different than those times was Sydney… Skye still had to consider Sydney… what was best for her… her well-being. Sydney… she had always been with Skye. First, her daughter had been inside her, growing and biding her time for the moment when she would make her miraculous and glorious entrance into the world of men. And, afterwards, Skye had been so relieved that her miracle had survived and was not only surviving, but thriving, that she had been able to use a mother's pride to concentrate and focus on at times when she *had* to remain positive and upbeat in her outlook on life.

But, now… *now* was a different story. Skye was all alone; she didn't have Jax or Sydney or A.J. or Carly to help her through the tough times. All she had was the old man… the old man and the nurse.

In truth, the nurse had been a surprise. Skye had not expected to find a confidant, let alone a friend, from someone in the old man's employ. But, she had been wrong, for in the end the nurse had been the one that had been more true to her and a better friend than most people who had ever claimed the title previously in Skye's entire life.

It was with these thoughts and reflections running through her head, that Skye at last acquiesced to the choice of waking up from her dream world where she was still a healthy woman in the prime of her life with more to look forward to than back upon. Flicking her eyes several times, Skye finally had to resort to squinting, allowing herself time to adjust to the bright light. Her eyes darting to her left, she could see someone had opened the window. Sunlight was pouring in through the window, and by the strength of the light and angle of the way the sun was penetrating the gloominess of her room, Skye guessed it was mid-day. There were no clocks in the room to tell her of the time. She had insisted they be removed from the first moment she had realized that she was living on borrowed time. Her own body was doing a fine enough job in wearing away a little more each day that Skye didn't need a blatant hour glass shining in her face all the time putting numeric values on how much time she had left to live.

Moving her head slightly to the right, Skye's glance fell upon the single dusky pink rose that sat amidst a bevy of ferns and baby's breath in a pretty crystalline vase. She sighed as she immediately knew where it had come from. The old man had come to visit her again, even though the energy it took him to make his visits was depleting enough so that he had to spend all week recovering just so that he could do it again each week. Although Skye didn't know for sure, she would have bet money that it wasn't Tuesday, his normal visiting day. It was just too soon... she had seen the old man only a couple of days before. And, then, something clicked. Skye remembered. Of all the days to forget, Skye suddenly realized that today was her birthday.

Mumbling to herself, Skye sighed. Of all the ways that she had contemplated spending her birthday this year, laying on her deathbed, kept alive by machines, had not been at the top of Skye's list. True, she had known it was a vague possibility, but even still, she would have much rather spent her birthday as she had imagined it happening six months before when she had last lain safe and sound in Jax's loving embrace – at the beach house with him and their daughter… with their family in Australia.

But, no, fate had interceded, and sent Skye elsewhere with that single phone call. The single call that had woken Skye from her blissfully content sleep while Jax had not stirred in the slightest at the cell phone's intrusive rings. Ignoring her first instinct to leave the cell phone where it was, only concern that something had happened to Carly made her get up and answer it. But instead of a frantic A.J. calling his sister and her lover to come to his pregnant wife's aide, Skye had answered the phone and been treated to a different voice. A voice of begging, a voice of pleading, a voice she had never in her life been able to say no to - a voice whose words sent Skye on the first plane out of Sydney and back to the States away from the one place and two people she wanted to be with most in her life - the love of her life and her baby daughter.

"_You have to come, Skye."_

"_Why? What's wrong?"_

" _I know you never wanted to come back here again, but he's too weak to come to you. He needs you."_

"_He doesn't need me. You know that. We're not even on speaking terms. He hates me."_

"_He doesn't have much time left, and he's asking for you."_

"_You must be mistaken. Having me there would only upset him. And, besides, even if I wanted to come I can't."_

"_Please, Skye..."_

"_But-"_

"_Please. Please say you'll come before it's too late. Please say you'll come before he dies, Skye. He's dying, Skye and he's asking for you to come and see him one final time before he does..."_

And with those words, Skye's fate had been sealed.

As she stared at the rose, she let out an involuntary sigh. If only... her life was beginning to be filled with so man 'if only's' that it was ridiculous. But, that was the way things had played out. And… so… all that could be done now was for Skye to continue thinking… and to keep fighting, because as long as she fought, she survived. She had to survive… if not for Jax… for them… even if Jax was done with her after this… Skye refused to give up… she couldn't give in because she still had Sydney. She still had a daughter who needed her, and as much as the idea of facing a life without Jax's love scared her, she would live for Sydney. That little girl deserved to grow up happy and loved by a mother and a father who made her the center of their world each and every single day. And… it wasn't like Skye hadn't done it once before, after all. She would fight… she would live… she *would* survive… and come out stronger in the end because of all she had gone through… And, God-willing, she would do so once again… for her daughter's sake, if nothing else.

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><p>-TBC-<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

A/N: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

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><p>"What is the date today?" Skye asked when the nurse came in with her medicine.<p>

The nurse looked at her watch and then back to Skye, "The sixteenth. Why? I thought you hated anything having to do with time."

Skye closed her eyes as she smiled. She let out a long breath before she responded. "I do. But some dates are too important to forget."

Opening her eyes, she slowly turned her head to the window. Nodding, she inhaled the scent of pine and honeysuckle... comforting smells that served to remind her of the past and the reasons that had brought her here in the first place.

Almost six months ago to the day, Skye had arrived back in the States from her trip to Sydney. The phone call that had separated her from Jax and her daughter had come at the most inopportune of times. Yet, if there was one thing that Skye was, it was dutiful and loyal. And, so it was out of that sense of duty and loyalty that Skye had come to this remote place in the picturesque woods of upstate Pennsylvania. Tucked away in the natural serenity of this beautiful place, Skye came with her head held high and a determined look on her face that she would do what she must…but, only that… that and no more.

The memory of the day she had first seen him plagued her mind. Entering the cheerful private medical facility, Skye's hands tightened the grasp she had on the bunch of daisies she had brought for him. Unlike roses, which he detested, he liked daisies. He said they reminded him of home. Not Pine Valley... that had never really been home to him. No, home was always Pigeon Hollow. The one place in the world where he had been happy and carefree before the harsh realities of the world had carved him into the ruthless businessman that Skye Chandler-Quartermaine remembered the man whom had raised her as - the man whom Skye still thought of as "Daddy" despite her efforts to form a relationship with her biological father, Alan Quartermaine - *that* place was Pigeon Hollow… not Pine Valley.

"Ms. Chandler?" a pleasant, but concerned voice called as Skye entered the main lobby of the medical center.

Somewhat unused to not hearing the 'Quartermaine' part added onto her name, Skye stopped for a moment before she turned and faced the direction from which she had heard the voice calling her. Focusing on the face of a pleasant young woman who looked to be in her mid-to-late twenties, Skye nodded. She stepped forward and extended her hand to the nurse with short brown hair and soft, doe-brown eyes.

"Yes, I'm Skye Chandler..." Skye had to stop herself again from adding the 'Quartermaine' part to her name. If she were any other place, coming to see any other person, she wouldn't have hesitated in the slightest. But, somehow, for some reason it just didn't seem appropriate here.

The nurse stood and took Skye hand. Shaking it, she said, "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Miranda. I've been working as the coordinating nurse on your father's case. We've been expecting you, and I figured I would wait to meet you myself in case you had any questions you wanted to ask before you saw him."

"How is he?" Skye asked as her hand was dropped by the nurse who reached for a chart.

Looking at it, the nurse said, "Well, considering the circumstances, he's doing remarkably well."

Skye shook her head. "You'll have to forgive me..." Skye struggled to recall the name the nurse had given her.

The nurse merely smiled as she supplied the name when she said, "Miranda."

Skye smiled. "Yes, Miranda. Forgive me, but I'm not sure if you are aware of the fact that I'm not very close with my... my father. We haven't spoken in well over two years, and so I know absolutely nothing about his illness. To be blatantly honest, I wouldn't even be here if my Uncle Stuart hadn't of called me and begged me to come. And, if it had been any one else besides Uncle Stuart, I can definitely tell you that I wouldn't be standing here in front of you right now."

Miranda smiled softly. "Yes, Mr. Chandler is a rather persuasive man... much different than you father in the ways he get what he wants, so much more kind and sweet and understanding…. But a bit ruthless himself when he is trying to get what he wants, don't you think?"

"You know my Uncle Stuart?" Skye questioned.

The nurse nodded. "Oh, yes. Very well. He spends at least half the week here with his brother. I've never seen a more devoted person."

This time it was Skye's turn to smile as she said, "Yes, Uncle Stuart is a very devoted person. No matter how horrible a person you are to him, he's always there for you with that gentle smile of his and a kind word."

"He *is* rather amazing," Miranda agreed. "I can see why your father relies so much on him."

"Yes, my father..." Skye let the words roll of her tongue.

Miranda nodded. "Of course. Well, the doctors who are treating his case are most likely going to go into this with detail with you, but I'll tell you what I can."

"I'd appreciate that very much," Skye said.

Miranda nodded once more as she in-took a deep breath and began. "Your father was diagnosed with the disease approximately 18 months ago. He was treated for a mild attack at the outset which was what alerted his doctors to identifying the disease and making the proper diagnosis. Your father was treated, and because the initial attack was so mild, he went into remission. But, approximately four months ago, Mr. Chandler had a relapse. Further tests indicated that the disease had returned and worsened in the time between the first attack and the second. Since then, he has been progressively getting worse… despite our best efforts to treat him."

"What are you telling me, Miranda?" Skye questioned as her eyes narrowed.

Miranda spoke softly as she said, "Your father is dying, Ms. Chandler. And we don't expect him to live to see the end of the year."

And those words had proven prophetic. The mighty Adam Chandler was indeed dying, fading away a little more each day. Everyone had known that and been given time to come to terms with that. However, what no one had expected or been prepared for was Skye's illness returning. The onset of kidney failure had started due to the complications caused by the drugs she had taken so that her daughter would be safely carried to term. The first time that Skye had passed out, giving people that there was an indication that something was wrong with her, the truth had come out. Skye was dying and probably wouldn't outlive her father. And while Skye had told Adam this much, she had kept the cause of it a secret. Adam Chandler was still blissfully aware that Skye had a daughter, safe and sound with Jax in Port Charles. And, Skye intended to keep it that way as long as possible. Adam would *not* have Sydney. Skye would kill before she allowed that to happen.

As the nurse stared at her pondering Skye's earlier comments, she quirked an eyebrow at her. "What's so important about the sixteenth, Skye?" Miranda asked.

Skye smiled, her decision made up. She would not tell Adam about Sydney, but perhaps by telling someone else… there might… might be some way for her to get closer to her child with news… and, if necessary… a proper goodbye.

Looking at the nurse, Skye said, "I'll tell you on one condition, Miranda. You have to promise me that you'll do me a favor as soon as I tell you why June 16th is such an important day to me, and above all else, you must not speak of this to anyone else... especially not my father."

Miranda stared at Skye with interest, not quite sure of what to make of her words. They seemed intriguing, tempting, tantalizing even…. If nothing else, they served to reinforce the fact to Miranda that Skye was an incredible woman... one that while even on her death bed, she still had the strength of character and mind to be able to keep secrets from her father. Her curiosity at last getting the better of her, Miranda nodded and came closer to Skye. Sitting down in the chair next to her bed, Miranda leaned in so that Skye would not have to use too much of her energy in the telling of her tale.

Nodding her head once more, Miranda said, "All right, Skye, I promise I'll help you if I possibly can."

"And you'll keep my secret no matter what?" Skye pleaded.

Something had come into her eyes, something as close to what Miranda could call desperation in the eyes of normal people. Slowing nodding, Miranda said, "Yes. I promise I'll keep your secret."

"All right then," Skye said. Taking a small breath, she tried to figure the best way to tell Miranda her story. Deciding that the direct approach was probably the best route, Skye said simply, "The reason that June 16th is such a special day for me is because it is an anniversary, Miranda."

"What kind of anniversary?" Miranda prodded. "One that has to do with Jax?"

Skye flinched at the mention of her lover's name. But she nodded slowly as she said, "In a way, yes, I suppose…. The event that the 16th is an anniversary for would never have occurred without him."

"What is it, Skye?"

"June 16th..." her voice trailed off as Skye realized that of the 365 days that her daughter had been alive, Skye had only seen her for a total of five of those days. It pained her to think of how much she had missed already, and more importantly, how much she might really miss in the future if this was it… and Skye was indeed dying.

"The 16th, Skye?" Miranda prodded again, bringing Skye's meandering thoughts back to the present.

Smiling a weak smile, Skye said softly, "June 16th is the day that Sydney was born, Miranda."

"And who is Sydney?" Miranda asked, comprehension not dawning.

Skye smiled once more as she said, "Sydney is my baby, Miranda. She was born one year ago today."

Shock was evident on her face as Miranda suddenly grasped what she had been told. "You have a child?"

"Yes. Sydney is my daughter."

Regret and a trace of the pain she was feeling evident in her voice, Miranda then asked, "And Jax is her father."

Skye nodded.

"She's why you are in this bed, isn't it, Skye?" Miranda said as she grasped the enormity of what Skye was telling her.

Again, Skye nodded.

"I've looked at your records many times, and I've never understood why injuries you suffered from a car accident over fifteen years ago would be the cause of kidney failure *now*. It made no sense, but you were so weak, that no one bothered to question it. Not even Mr. Chandler. But, a pregnancy... it makes perfect sense. It all makes sense now," Miranda told her.

Sighing, Skye said, "I had to keep it a secret, Miranda. And, I am trusting *you* to keep that secret."

"Why?" Miranda asked.

Skye bit her lip before she said, "If my father knew that I had a child, he would stop at nothing to get her into his possession. I love my father deeply, but one of his best virtues and many faults is that family is everything to him."

"But I thought you weren't his blood child. Weren't you adopted?" Miranda asked.

Nodding, Skye said, "Yes, I was. But, to my father, that doesn't matter. I have the Chandler name. I was raised as a Chandler. And that's all that matters to him. In his mind, I am just as much his child as his daughters Hayley and Colby or his son JR. And if he knew I was dead and had a child, he would do anything and everything he could to get her into his possession. Even if Sydney were happy right where she was with... with her father."

"You mean she's with Jax?"

Skye nodded once more before she added, "And that's the best place, Miranda. If I could only tell you how wonderful a man he is… he's really quite an extraordinary man..."

Anger flared slightly as Miranda said, "How can you say that about him?"

"Say what?" Skye asked.

"Say good things about him... defend him… after all he's done to you?" Miranda asked.

Shrugging, Skye said, "Jax has hurt me, yes. But, I've hurt him, too, Miranda. God, if you only knew how much I had hurt him. I guess it's…it's just the way we are. We hurt each other, but we love each other, and that's what holds us together. Or, at least, I thought it did. He may not still love me, but I'll never stop loving him. And even if I didn't care about him anymore, the best place for Sydney is with her father... not mine."

Swallowing the lump that had suddenly caught in her throat, Miranda asked Skye, "What do you want me to do?"

Smiling, Skye said, "I have to see her one last time, Miranda. And since I can't trust Jax to bring her, there's only one other person that I can count on since my brother A.J. and his wife Carly are still out of the country. I need you to call her for me and see if she'll bring my daughter to me."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Rae sat holding a cup of coffee. It was warm and in a white Styrofoam cup – appropriate really… it felt right… just as any cup of coffee purchased from the vending machine of a hospital waiting room should be. She took a sip, but barely tasted anything as the bitter liquid slid down the back of her throat.<p>

Glancing over at Jax, haggard-looking as she had never seen him before with his eyes closed and his head in his hands, she would have felt her heart breaking had a dull aching numbness not clenched around it already.

Muttering to herself, Rae said softly, "Oh, Skye, where are you?"

And, as if by prophecy, suddenly Rae's cell phone started ringing.

"Rae Cummings?" a strange voice twisted through the cell phone that Rae had next to her ear.

Unsure what to do, Rae answered, "Yes, this is Rae Cummings."

"Ms. Cummings, my name is Miranda Jamison. I'm a friend of you're daughter, Skye," the voice replied.

"Skye?" Rae whispered into the cell phone.

From the opposite side of the hospital waiting room, Jax's head suddenly jerked up. His blue eyes focused and he was on his feet in a moment. Coming to stand next to her, he whispered, "Is it Skye?"

Not wanting to lose the call, Rae hastily shook her head. Jax's heart plummeted, but Rae ignored him as she said, "Yes, Ms. Jamison. What can I do for you?"

Miranda took a breath as she hastily looked around and swallowed once. Her throat seemed to suddenly have gone all dry and scratchy. However, her promise to Skye would not allow her to backslide now that she had come this far. Taking another short breath, Miranda continued on, "Ms. Cummings, I'm calling you as a favor to a friend."

"Forgive me for being terse, Ms. Jamison, but what's this all about?"

Swallowing one last time, Miranda closed her eyes as she pushed on, "You're daughter, Skye... she asked me to contact you, Ms. Cummings."

"You know where Skye is?" Rae asked promptly, this time her heart seemed not only to have skipped just one beat, but it seemed to have stopped working all together as she awaited the answer.

Reluctantly, Miranda replied, "I do."

"Where?" Rae asked hopefully.

"Just one moment, please, Ms. Cummings. I'll tell you everything, I promise... but first I need to have your word on something," Miranda responded.

Rae breathlessly said, "Name it. I'll do anything."

"The reason I am calling you instead of your daughter, Ms. Cummings, is because Skye is sick. She wants you to come and see her immediately... and to bring her daughter Sydney with you. I'll tell you exactly how to find her, but I must have your word that you won't breathe a single detail to Jasper Jacks," Miranda said. She then added, "Unless you agree to my terms, I am afraid I can't say anything more."

Rae bit her lip as she looked at Jax. The pleading in her eyes nearly tore her heart in two. Whether it was for knowledge of Skye or fear of Sydney, Rae knew not. All she did know as she slowly shook her head and responded that she was doing what she had to do to protect her daughter… and her granddaughter.

"You have my word..."

Sometime later, Miranda came into Skye's room. She was carrying a small tray of medications, a crystal carafe of water, and a cut crystal drinking glass. Placing the tray on a nearby table, she saw Skye's blazing amber eyes focus on her as she said, "Don't worry, Skye."

"It's done?" Skye murmured.

Miranda smiled a small smile as she nodded slowly. "Yes. Your mother is on her way, and she's bringing your daughter with her."

A feeling of warmth suddenly began to flow through Skye's body. She smiled as Miranda came over and helped her take the medicine. For the first time in a long time, Skye's battered body sunk into a peaceful sleep as Miranda took one last wistful glance at her and then exited the room.

Closing the door tightly behind her, Miranda sighed when she suddenly saw the old man sitting in his wheel chair, watching from the shadows.

"How is she?" he murmured.

Miranda shrugged. "The same. Maybe a little better."

"She looks so old, Miranda. So frail. She wasn't always like this you know. Not before... well, not before a lot of things," shaking his head, the old man sighed in resignation. He then looked up in all seriousness, as the old man said, "Is she still calling out for him when she sleeps?"

Slowly, it dawned on Miranda what the old man was talking about. Shaking her head, she answered truthfully, "Sometimes, sir. It seems that some nights are worse than others. On occasions, I can hear her calling for him, but most times not. To be quite honest, I can't be quite sure what she's mumbling."

The old man nodded. "Good. Good. I knew I did the right thing then."

"Sir?" Miranda questioned.

Adam Chandler smiled an evil smile as he said, "Keeping Jasper Jacks away from her, no matter the cost, is the least I could do for my baby, Miranda. I would do anything to protect her, Miranda. *Anything*."

Hesitantly, Miranda looked towards the old man and said softly, "Mr. Chandler... if I may be so bold as to ask a question?"

"What is it?" Adam grumbled.

"Well, sir, not to put too fine a point on it, but why have you gone to so much trouble to separate Skye from this... this Jasper Jacks? Isn't that what you called him?" Miranda asked.

Adam nodded. "Yes, Jasper Jacks. Of J & J Jacks of Alaska."

"Yes, sir. This Jasper Jacks... why is it so important that he be kept away from Miss Skye?"

Adam shook his head, his lips pursed thin as he turned his chair around. The only answer Miranda got as Adam rolled down the hallway in his electric wheel chair was, "I have my reasons, Miranda. Suffice to say that if Skye ever saw Jasper Jacks again, it would kill her, and that is something I will keep from happening at all costs. At all costs, Miranda... all costs."

* * *

><p>As soon as Rae removed the receiver from her ear, Jax spoke. "Rae?"<p>

It took Rae several moments to process what she had just been told. None of it seemed to make any sense. She shook her head as the shock over what Miranda told her sunk in.

"No, it can't be real. It just can't," Rae said.

Standing up, Rae began to pace the small space of the hospital waiting room. Clasping her hands together, she began to mumble to herself, ignoring Jax's pleading looks of anxiousness as he stood, watching her. "It just doesn't make any sense," Rae continued to mumble. "None at all..."

At last, Jax could take it no more as he stood up and grasped Rae firmly by the shoulders. His blue eyes shining with so many emotions that Rae couldn't possibly identify them all, he desperately said, "Rae, please..."

Looking up, whether it was the pleading in his voice or the firm grasp of his hands on her shoulders, Rae snapped out of her reverie. Scrambling for words, Rae tried to piece together a coherent thought without breaking the promise she had just made to her daughter via the intermediary that she knew only as some young woman with a kind voice named Miranda Jamison.

"Jax, I-"

"Rae? Please. Tell me what in the hell's going on. Was it Skye?" Jax asked, his heart turning tightly in his chest as anticipated the answer that he was both dreading and hoping for simultaneously.

Rae was silent for a moment before she said, "Jax-"

"Mr. Jacks?" a voice came from behind the pair.

Letting go of Rae, Jax's arms dropped to his side as he spun around and turned to face the source of the voice. "Yes?"

The doctor looked at his clipboard and said, "Your daughter's out of surgery, Mr. Jacks."

"And?" Jax prompted impatiently.

"How is she?" Rae added. "Is she all right? Did it work? When can we see her?"

Biting his lip, the doctor tried to figure out how to proceed. It was always difficult in situations such as these, with the patient being as young as she was. Shaking his head, the doctor said, "I'm afraid I have bad news. You're daughter Sydney is..."

Jax suddenly felt the world begin to spin around him. So much grief and so much loss... it was truly heartbreaking to see how cruel fate was to him. Had he wronged someone in a past life? Is that why he was being punished? First, with Skye… and now… with Sydney. He had lost them both… and then gotten them back only long enough to realize how wonderful they were only to lose them all over again. It was too much. It wasn't fair, and for the first time in his life, Jax realized that it was just too much.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Skye continue to lay in bed starring at the ceiling. Taking a deep breath, Skye closed her eyes and tried to focus. Soon Rae would be here... and Sydney. Skye smiled at the thought of her daughter. She wouldn't give up until she saw her daughter one last time. That was the plan Skye had ultimately come up with… and she intended to carry it out precisely and without mistake.<p>

"Oh, how big she must be by now," Skye murmured to herself. "She probably doesn't even remember me."

Slowly, Skye opened her eyes. Her decision made, she began to move. The movements were slow and measured... the kind that come only when one has a definite plan in mind. And, having a plan in mind was exactly what Skye did have. Finally… for the first time in a long time, Skye not only had her daughter first and foremost in her thoughts, but she also had a way that Skye could do something for her. Everything she did and had done since she had woken up from that first morning in that hospital and been told she was dying was for Sydney.

"_Ms. Chandler, I'm afraid you're suffering from kidney failure."_

"_I'm not surprised."_

"_You're not surprised, sweetheart? But, surely..."_

"_No, I knew it was a possibility... a consequence. Maybe even a punishment for all the wrong things I have done in this life."_

"_A possibility of what? Punishment, Skye? Really. What have you done that's so terrible that you would be punished by being diagnosed with kidney failure?"_

"_If you only knew, Daddy. If you only knew."_

Looking up, Skye bit down on her lip as she hastily threw all her energy reserves into the exercises she had been forcing herself to do each night so that she would be strong enough to get out of bed and hold her daughter when Sydney came to her. Not even Miranda knew what she was up to. And, if Adam had found out what she was doing... Skye shuddered at the thought, because if he found out what she was doing he would want to know why.

"And you can never know, Daddy. For Sydney's sake, you can never know," Skye whispered as she kicked her legs out of the bed. Beads of sweat were already glistening upon her furrowed brow as she made an attempted to not only sit up in bed, but actually to get out. She would survive long enough and be strong enough to see her daughter, hold her one last time, and trust her mother Rae to protect her to bring her back to Jax… she only hoped Rae was strong enough to withstand Adam's ire and possessiveness if he did actually find out about Sydney.

Unfortunately for her, as was on par with the rest of everything in her life, Skye's luck ran out at that particular moment as her thoughts distracted her. Crashing down out of the bed, she felt her heart catch in her throat. Shooting pains came up her torso as the world began to spin around her. And, as she sunk down into the blissfully numb world of unconsciousness once more, the last world that was on her lips was the name of the man whom she believed had betrayed her... the man she still loved and longed for... the man that was by their daughter's sickbed and not her mother's.

And as Skye cried out from somewhere quite far away from him, Jax forced himself to look away from the sleeping image of his daughter as he thought he heard the echo of her voice on the wind calling out his name.

* * *

><p>Jax sat in a chair. He didn't move, he just sat with his eyes focused in one direction. He watched the rising and falling of her chest, fearful that with each breath she drew that it would be her last. She was so beautiful... so innocent. So small... so young.<p>

It just didn't seem right as he watched her fading away in the huge hospital bed.

Only when he felt the light pressure of a hand on his shoulder did Jax break the reverie of his thoughts.

"Jax," came the voice.

Remaining silent, Jax refused to tear his gaze away from Sydney's breathing frame, afraid that if he looked away for a split second that she would stop breathing. And then it would be all over. His daughter would be dead, and he would be all alone. But, it wasn't the idea of being alone that scared Jax the most. No, what scared him the most was the fact that if Sydney was to leave him, his last tangible link to Skye would be gone. That would be it. With only his memories left to prove to him that their time together had been a very real thing, tangible proof that the love of his life *had* actually existed… *had* actually loved him… if Sydney left him… all that would simply blink out of existence. That would be that. And, that was the one thing that Jax was unwilling to deal with….

Loss. Betrayal. Pain. Hurt. Lies. Deceit.

All of these he could deal with. But without hope, what else was left? For, to him, Sydney was his hope that one day, somehow, he and Skye would find their ways back to each other.

"Jax?" came the response again.

This time, the firmness in her voice caused Jax to reluctantly break his gaze as he turned his head to stare at her. "Rae?"

"Jax, I need to speak with you outside," Rae said, somewhat more urgently than Jax would have expected.

Protesting immediately, Jax said, "Rae, can't it wait? I don't want to leave Sydney by herself..."

Shaking her head vehemently, Rae said, "No, Jax. It can't. So, please... please come outside."

Jax was still hesitant before Rae nodded at a pediatric nurse who had appeared by her side, "Samantha will stay with her, Jax. She won't be alone, I promise. But, I have to talk to you right now. So, please..."

Gesturing towards the door, only when he saw the chaotic pain in Rae's eyes did he finally nod and say, "All right. But only for a couple of minutes."

Taking one last look at his daughter, Jax slowly stood up. Following Rae outside, only when the pair was a good way into the hallway, did Rae stop walking.

As Rae turned to face the father of her only granddaughter, she bit her lip to keep from having the tears in her eyes falling. For the days that they had been in the hospital, a hollowness had come over Jax like she had never seen before. Not only did the emptiness that she had come to know so well since she had met Jax six months before predominately weigh upon him, but their was something else there, present in his eyes. The closest word that Rae could find to describe it was as something bordering on…. desperation.

"Jax, I have... I have news," Rae said slowly.

Narrowing his eyes, Jax stared at her in confusion as he said, "What? What is it? Did the test results come back? Did you see Sydney's doctors?"

Shaking her head, Rae bit her lip as she said softly, "No, Jax. It's not Sydney." Pausing, Rae gulped back the knot in her throat as she tried to figure out how to tell Jax what she had to tell him. Nodding at last, Rae said, "I don't know how to tell you this, Jax, except to say it straight out."

"What is it, Rae?" Jax asked.

Rae was silent for a moment, causing Jax to become even more agitated.

"Rae? What is it, Rae?" Jax said. "Please, tell me."

Slowly, tears ran down her cheeks as she said softly, "It's Skye, Jax. It's Skye."

"Skye?" Jax repeated the name slowly, as if it were a foreign word. "Skye?"

Nodding, Rae said, "Yes, Jax. It's Skye."

For the first time in a long time, something that she had not seen in a long time came to light Jax's eyes as he said, "What about Skye?"

Swallowing, Rae said softly, "I know where Skye is, Jax. I know where she is."

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><p>The footsteps echoed in the empty hallway as he walked slowly towards his goal. A flash of his smile and a drop of the right name here and there had gotten him exactly where he needed to go. It had always been thus, and for once in his life, Jax was glad that his facile dealings in social interactions that usually served him so well in business were at last being useful in his personal life.<p>

One left turn, two rights, and ten feet straight down the hallway and he was there.

Somehow, Jax thought it would take longer to reach the room. After all, the hospital room was tucked away in the bowels of the clinic that it had taken a miracle… and a lot of money for Jax actually to find out about… let alone physically to find.

Out of the blue, the lone wooden door appeared. Blatantly forbidding, its imposing structure seemed to dwarf everything about it. The door seemed to stand as one last sentinel to guard Jax against that which he had spent the past year and a half seeking. Except for those brief few days when Jax gained a daughter and her mother, and then lost his child's mother in almost the same heartbeat, Jax had been without Skye so long that it was wholly unbearable for him.

How many nights had he spent wandering in dreams, searching for her endlessly only to wake up in a cold sweat and alone in bed? How long had he spent trying to get over her? Trying to reconcile what he had thought had been the truth with the woman he had thought Skye to be? How long... how much time had been wasted during their separations caused first by lies of their own making, and then pride, and then… then because of fate in the end?

Skye was dying. Jax had to face that. He had spent the entire trip from Port Charles to the clinic bracing himself for what he would find when he saw Skye. Even if she didn't love him anymore... even if she didn't want him around, Jax wouldn't let the woman he loved more than life itself go to her death scared and alone. He would be there with her and see whatever would come to the end.

And, so, Jax took a step forward and gently pressed on the wooden door. He didn't knock... made no signal as to his arrival. He didn't want to alert Skye to his presence- at least, not at first. No, at first, Jax wanted to see her and see her without Skye having a chance to put on airs and hide more things about her current condition from him. By catching her off guard, Jax hoped he would accomplish at least this much when he had failed in so many other aspects of life concerning Skye.

Fortunately, for Jax, in this moment… fate *was* on his side. As he slipped into Skye's hospital room, he found her at long last. Sleeping, in the middle of a great and gigantic hospital bed, Skye lay curled into a ball. It tore Jax's heart as he gazed upon a woman that had once been so bright, so vibrant that Jax had thought she would never burn out. But, apparently she *had* burned out and all that remained was that pale and skinny creature that Jax gazed upon now.

Her skin was translucent, and she had lost so much weight that Jax would have been surprised if she weighed more than eighty pounds soaking wet. Her once luminous hair was now dull and flat. Her cheeks were sunken in, and her eyes had deep, dark bags under them. In short, Skye looked like hell, and Jax felt a flush of guilt burn through him as he wondered once again why she had rejected him and not let him help her through this illness.

"Oh, Skye," Jax whispered.

As Jax suddenly realized his cheeks were wet from tears, he turned away. He wouldn't cry in front of her. No matter now he felt... no matter how much regret or loss, he wouldn't show it in front of her. He owed Skye that much.

And yet, as Jax garnered his strength, a whisper floated to him on the still air.

"Jax?" came a soft, female voice.

Turning around, expecting with hope against hope to have it be Skye who was calling him, Jax was thoroughly floored when the brown-haired nurse stepped out of the shadows.

"M-M-Miranda?"

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><p>-TBC-<p> 


	23. Chapter 23

Beyond Repair

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am just playing in someone else's sandbox….

Summary: Secrets abound as Skye reluctantly returns to Australia at AJ's behest despite the fact its where her marriage to Jax ended in disaster the previous year. AU. Skye/Jax. SAX.

Author's Note: I am reposting some of the older works that I have saved on my harddrive. Old-time SAX fans may remember this story. It was originally posted under my other penname [MuseofJaynor] at the Skye messageboard fan fiction archive. Many people already know this, but in case you were wondering, yeah, that was me.

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><p>"You're here, Jax… How?"<p>

"I… I'm here for Skye, Miranda… I… what are you doing here?"

Jax's ex-wife, Miranda Richardson, stepped out and shook her head. Now was not the time for explanations. "It doesn't matter... why are you here?"

"I… I… I've been looking for her… for so long… where is she?" Jax asked.

"Do you love her? Really love her, Jax?" Miranda asked.

Looking into her ex-husband's eyes, Miranda felt her heart clench as she recognized Jax was telling the truth we he said… "With everything I have… with all I am."

Nodding, Miranda then pointed towards Skye's room. "She's waiting, Jax."

"Skye?"

Miranda nodded.

"She's waiting for you to come in and wake her up from this horrible nightmare that she's been in for six months with a kiss," Miranda said.

"How?" Jax asked.

"Her father," Miranda said softly. "He was afraid of losing her again. He's kept her here for the past few months… he wanted her to think the kidney transplant didn't work… wasn't working. But, it is, Jax."

"She had a kidney transplant?" Jax asked.

Miranda nodded. "I… I don't know the specifics… but… the Chandler money… it… it can do a lot, you know?"

"Why is he doing this?"

"To control her," Miranda said. "He… he's waiting to see if he can keep her here long enough for his own recovery… he doesn't want to concede the fact that he's dying, Jax… and Skye isn't."

"Why did you call now?" Miranda shook her head, "If I'd known she had a daughter, a little girl waiting at home for her, I would have told her weeks ago no matter what Mr. Chandler was ordering me to do. A little girl needs her mother, Jax."

"Sydney… she needs Skye in more ways than you'll ever know… our baby's sick… and without a tissue donation from Skye… we've tried to match other family members… but… Skye's the only one on file who matches Sydney… without her… our daughter won't make it."

"Then I guess it's a very good thing that you came here today… against all odds, Jax…. You're here… and now, that's all that matters," Miranda said.

Jax looked at his ex-wife with a nod.

"Go to her. Take her home. Bring her little girl to her. Help her heal, help her become whole from these lies Mr. Chandler has overwhelmed her with….Make things right for them both….." Nodding at the door again, Miranda said. "Go, she's waiting for you, Jax…. Go."

And, with a speed so fast it surprised even him, Jax moved toward the door and finally through it. He stood for a moment in the doorway, watching her chest rise and fall in the hospital bed. And, then, he raced to her side, and breathed in her familiar sent. Giving a silent prayer to God, Jax prayed his life for having had not one life he thought lost restored to him when he discovered Sydney still lived, but for the second returned to this form as he held Skye in his vision once more.

Bending down, he murmured her name and then moved to kiss her as Miranda had suggested. Her eyes blinking open, Skye smiled.

"I'm dreaming again," she murmured.

Shaking his head, and raising her hand to feel the warm, steady beating of his heart, Jax said, "No, this is no dream, Skye. I've finally found you…. And I've come to take you home."

"To Sydney?"

Jax nodded, not sure if she referenced the city or their daughter. In either case, it was true.

And, looking up at Jax, despite not knowing the lies her father had told her about her condition or that her daughter really and truly needed her help, Skye knew that everything that once lay shattered would be fixed by she and Jax. What was once beyond repair would be fixed, healed, made complete by the pair that only had needed to bide their time for the right moment to make things whole between the family once more. It was okay now... things would be okay... they were together... they would be a family... together... because of their love for one another... that love made miracles possible. And, for both Jax and Skye, no happier end could be fashioned than that….

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><p>~The End~<p> 


End file.
